FIFTY-THIRD ANNUAL CONVENTION 57 



Three tramps were sitting around the fire and one was 

 talking about the big things Roosevelt had seen; the lions 

 and tigers, and he said "Jim, did you ever see any thing". 

 The second tramp said **Did you ever have delirum 

 tremens?'' and he said ''No". He said ''Hell, you haven't 

 seen nothing." 



I live up in an Irish settlement. Mrs. O'Hair is Irish 

 and we elected a squire last fall, last spring I guess it was 

 and he notified several of us that he was going to have a 

 wedding and he wanted us to come over for the wedding, 

 and we went over before the couple got there and we went 

 down and examined some of his live stock and some of 

 his private stock and by the time the couple came for the 

 marriage we were all ready for the wedding and we went 

 into the house and stationed ourselves along the wall, and 

 this Irish squire was Pat Curran and he looked at us and 

 said "What Pat Curran and the Lord has joined together 

 let none of you fellows monkey with". 



Well, if I was going to make you a speech here tonight 

 I would make you a Democratic speech. You can't tell much 

 about what the Democrats tell you and not a thing the Re- 

 publicans tell you. I have figured out a plan where things 

 can be bettered. The farmers are hard up, the merchants 

 are hard up and the bankers have to keep the safes locked 

 against themselves and so I have studied out a plan. I 

 think it would be a good one if we would all get in one 

 church and pull together, and as I look over the creeds of 

 the churches I think the Hard Sheeled Baptist would be the 

 one. They have three good points. That is, first, every man 

 pays his debts; the second point is there is no harm in tak- 

 ing a drink of whiskey, if you have the chance; and the 

 third point is every man should vote the Democratic ticket, 

 hair or no hair. 



THE TOASTMASTER: I don't know just what school 

 of theology Mr. O'Hair went to, but it is all right. 



As you will note from the program the next gentleman 

 down here is a banker. I understand he recently had this 

 experience. It is said a Jewish gentleman stepped into his 

 bank one day and said "Do you discount notes" and he said 



