THIRTY-FIFTH ANNUAL CONVENTION. 179 



cate of temperance; she won't do business with a man who 

 drinks to excess. If a man persists in swearing and talking 

 loud, or gives way to his temper around where she is, she shuts 

 off his supply. A moderate cussing and a lick with a milk stool 

 will tie up her milk duct in a knot and it's a case of visiting the 

 iniquities of the father on the children, because they have to go 

 hungry on account of their father's iniquitous conduct towards 

 the cow. A man soon learns to quit hitting the cow or swear- 

 ing at her because it costs too much. They soon begin to feel 

 like Bob Evans did when one Sunday in a strange city he went 

 to a very fashionable church and was shown a good seat that 

 was unoccupied, and after a little while a very elegantly dressed 

 couple came down the aisle and stopped at this seat and looked a 

 little disgusted, but went in and sat down. The man evinced 

 considerable annoyance and finally handed a card to Colonel 

 Evans on which he had written, "This seat costs me $2,500.00 a 

 year." Colonel Bob handed it back to him, after writing on the 

 other side, "It costs you too damn much." I commend this won- 

 derful animal to you for her intrinsic worth. For thou- 

 sands of years she has furnished a table delicacy that is not only 

 desirable but a necessity. This animal that by the Hindoos is 

 worshipped, that is regarded by them as having no superior, that 

 is represented as stairs that lead to heaven and that are adored 

 in heaven; this noble, silent partner of ours, man's best friend 

 and to whom we owe the most, the source from which we get 

 a large proportion of every meal. When we awake we behold 

 the walls on which the plaster has been held by her hair, we fasten 

 our clothes with buttons and we comb our hair with a comb made 

 from her horns. We put on our feet a pair of shoes made from 

 her skin and as we enter the dining room and sit down to a 

 tempting breakfast we find she has provided us with a piece of 

 cheese, a cup of milk, a pitcher of cream for our coffee, a plate 

 of hot cream biscuits, a dish of butter, a smoking beefsteak, and 

 above everything else are the bright, interesting, idolized child- 

 ren, whose foster mother she is. We go to our office and fasten 

 together important documents with glue made from her hoofs 



