88 ILLINOIS STATE DAIRYMEN'S ASSOCIATION 



. AT THE BANQUET 



I^ednesday Evening, January 27, 1926 



Mr. N. W. Hepburn, of Peoria, Toastmaster 



Toastmaster (after the assemblage was called to or- 

 der) : We are starting this fifty-second Annual Banquet 

 in the language of the politician who said, "Friends — I will 

 not call you ladies and gentlemen; I know you too well for 

 that." (Laughter.) 



This program looks lengthy but it isn't. This pro- 

 gram isn't what it seems. It has been reported to me here 

 by the good pastor that there are no souls saved after the 

 first five minutes of a speech, so we are going to limit these 

 speeches to about three or four minutes, and when they 

 get longer than that something else will be done. (Laugh- 

 ter.) 



As we look back at the receding years, and as we hap- 

 pen to have kept a record of the various association meet- 

 ings, we find that the years go by pretty fast. I suppose 

 a toastmaster usually starts out by saying he isn't going to 

 make a speech, and then proceeds to make one; or, if I 

 was using my Swedish friend's program I would probably 

 say it worse and they would probably be more apprecia- 

 tive. (Great applause.) 



They say Mark Twain was billed for a lecture in a 

 small town, on the subject of Temperance. As he went 

 into the town he found his lecture wasn't billed very well, 

 so he thought he would check up on it a little. He went 

 into a grocery store where a fellow was picking mackerel 

 out of a barrel, and said, 'Ts there anything in town going 

 on tonight?" And the groceryman pulled his head up out 

 of the barrel and said, ''Well, I reckon there is. I been 

 sellin' quite a lot of bad eggs today." (Laughter.) 



I don't know what O'Hair's experience has been along 



