90 ILLINOIS STATE DAIRYMEN'S ASSOCIATION 



said, ''I can't, I am a democrat." (Laughter.) You are 

 all republicans up here, aren't you? 



Last winter a big ship was in a storm out on the Paci- 

 fic for about four days, and it tore the mast all off and 

 battered up things generally. The fourth day the storm 

 subsided, and after it had got calm and the sea settled 

 down a big Irish mate came over across the deck, and the 

 Captain said, ''Mate, there is a man dead down in fifty- 

 four. Go down and throw him overboard." The mate was 

 gone an hour and came back whistling a tune. The Cap- 

 tain said, ''Mate, did you throw the man overboard in 

 fifty-four?" "Yes, I throwed the man over in forty-four, 

 Captain." And the Captain said, "Why, Mike, that man 

 wasn't dead." "That is what he said, but, hell, he was a 

 republican and I didn't believe it." (Laughter.) 



I have a speech that I would like to give you, but I 

 am a little like the boy. A very dirty-faced, dirty-nosed 

 boy was riding in a street car in Chicago, and a very fanci- 

 fully dressed lady got on and sat down behind him. She 

 said, "Son, have you a handkerchief?" And he said, "Yes, 

 ma'am, but I never loan it to strangers." (Laughter.) 



I think we ought to have something better. Over in 

 our locality we have a neighbor with a large family. One 

 morning the neighbor and his wife and twelve children 

 were sitting down to breakfast at the breakfast table when 

 the wife noticed that the baby's high chair was pretty 

 badly worn and in rather a dilapidated condition. And 

 she said, "John, this old high chair is getting all worn out, 

 I am afraid it will fall and hurt the baby." And he said, 

 "Mary, after breakfast you go right down town and get a 

 good new, substantial one, one that will last awhile. 

 (Laughter and applause.) 



Now you have all been hearing a lot of good things 

 in the last few days, and you should remember them. Now 

 I will tell you a story (laughter). Over at Mattoon, Illi- 

 nois, during the war there was a big Irish fireman who 

 had been a stationary engineer down in the country. He 

 went to the railroad to get a job. They sent him to the 

 yardmaster. He went to the yardmaster and the yard- 



