FIFTY-SECOND ANNUAL CONVENTION 91 



master said, *'Can you run an engine?" *'Sure, I can run 

 an engine." A big, powerful engine was sitting out in the 

 yard, on the tracks. The yardmaster said to him, ''Come 

 in and run that engine in the roundhouse." He tried it the 

 first time, got it in and seeing the bumpers, reversed it, 

 and out it came. He tried it a second time but almost ran 

 into a string of cars, reversed again and out he came. The 

 third time he tried it and looking back he saw a string of 

 cars and out he came. Someone threw the switch and 

 turned the engine over. Everybody ran and pulled him 

 out, thought he would be either hurt or killed, but he 

 jumped up, wiped the sweat off his forehead and out of 

 his eyes and said, "I had it in there three times; why in 

 hell didn't you shut the door?" (Laughter.) 



I never saw as many pretty women in my life as there 

 are in Galesburg. (Applause.) I never saw as many 

 homely men. (Applause.) I don't know how it has been, 

 but you know you fellows all go home — you know how 

 it is. (A chair in the rear of the room collapsed.) 



I guess I had better quit. It's getting so it isn't safe 

 here. (Laughter.) I was just going to say, a young fel- 

 low and his girl were walking down Lovers' Lane one even- 

 ing when a savage bulldog came tearing down the road 

 right towards them. The young fellow scrambled out of 

 the way as fast as his legs could carry him and climbed 

 on top of a fence and let the girl get up the best way she 

 could. The dog went on by and they got down and went 

 on, and she said, ''John, I thought you said you would face 

 death for me." "Yes, but," he said, "that damned bulldog 

 wasn't dead." (Laughter.) 



If I keep on talking I will tell you a story directly. 

 (Laughter.) Well, I wrote Mrs. O'Hair today and told 

 her about the beautiful girls that are here, and I said, 

 "Mother, they are not for me. I have had bad luck." I 

 was going up to Chicago last fall, and when I got ready 

 to go Mrs. O'Hair had her grip packed and she said she 

 was going along. I tried to persuade her to stay, and she 

 said, "No," so after we got into Chicago I said, "We will 

 go to a show." And when we got ready to go, she said. 



