﻿PREHISTORIC 
  TELEPHONE 
  DAYS 
  

  

  239 
  

  

  By 
  the 
  application 
  of 
  suitable 
  doses 
  of 
  

   food 
  material, 
  the 
  dog 
  was 
  soon 
  taught 
  

   to 
  sit 
  up 
  on 
  his 
  hind 
  legs 
  and 
  growl 
  con- 
  

   tinuously 
  while 
  I 
  manipulated 
  his 
  month, 
  

   and 
  stop 
  growling 
  when 
  I 
  took 
  my 
  hands 
  

   away. 
  I 
  took 
  his 
  muzzle 
  in 
  my 
  hands 
  and 
  

   opened 
  and 
  closed 
  the 
  jaws 
  a 
  number 
  of 
  

   times 
  in 
  succession. 
  This 
  resulted 
  in 
  the 
  

   production 
  of 
  the 
  syllables 
  "ma-ma-ma- 
  

   ma," 
  etc., 
  as 
  in 
  the 
  case 
  of 
  the 
  talking- 
  

   machine. 
  

  

  The 
  mouth 
  proved 
  to 
  be 
  too 
  small 
  to 
  

   enable 
  me 
  to 
  manipulate 
  individual 
  parts 
  

   of 
  the 
  tongue, 
  but 
  upon 
  pushing 
  upward 
  

   between 
  the 
  bones 
  of 
  the 
  lower 
  jaw, 
  near 
  

   the 
  throat, 
  I 
  found 
  it 
  possible 
  to 
  com- 
  

   pletely 
  close 
  the 
  passageway 
  at 
  the 
  back 
  

   of 
  the 
  mouth, 
  and 
  a 
  succession 
  of 
  pushes 
  

   of 
  this 
  character 
  resulted 
  in 
  the 
  syllables 
  

   "ga-ga-ga-ga," 
  etc. 
  

  

  The 
  simple 
  growl 
  was 
  an 
  approxima- 
  

   tion 
  of 
  the 
  vowel 
  "ah/' 
  and 
  this, 
  followed 
  

   by 
  a 
  gradual 
  constriction 
  and 
  "rounding" 
  

   of 
  the 
  labial 
  orifice 
  by 
  the 
  hand, 
  became 
  

   converted 
  into 
  the 
  diphthong 
  "ow," 
  as 
  in 
  

   the 
  word 
  "how" 
  (ah-oo), 
  and 
  we 
  soon 
  

   obtained 
  the 
  final 
  element 
  by 
  itself 
  — 
  an 
  

   imperfect 
  "oo." 
  The 
  dog's 
  repertoire 
  of 
  

   sounds 
  finally 
  consisted 
  of 
  the 
  vowels 
  

   "ah" 
  and 
  "oo," 
  the 
  diphthong 
  "ow," 
  and 
  

   the 
  syllables 
  "ma" 
  and 
  "ga." 
  

  

  We 
  then 
  proceeded 
  to 
  manufacture 
  

   words 
  and 
  sentences 
  composed 
  of 
  these 
  

   elements, 
  and 
  the 
  dog's 
  final 
  linguistic 
  ac- 
  

   complishment 
  consisted 
  in 
  the 
  production 
  

   of 
  the 
  sentence 
  "Ow-ah-oo-gamama," 
  

   which, 
  by 
  the 
  exercise 
  of 
  a 
  little 
  imagina- 
  

   tion, 
  readily 
  passed 
  muster 
  for 
  "How 
  

   are 
  you, 
  grandmamma" 
  ("Ow-ah-oo-ga- 
  

   mama") 
  ? 
  

  

  THE 
  DOG 
  TRIES 
  IN 
  VAIN 
  TO 
  TALK 
  UNAIDED 
  

  

  The 
  dog 
  soon 
  learned 
  that 
  his 
  business 
  

   in 
  life 
  was 
  to 
  growl 
  while 
  my 
  hands 
  were 
  

   upon 
  his 
  mouth, 
  and 
  to 
  stop 
  growling 
  the 
  

   moment 
  I 
  took 
  them 
  away, 
  and 
  we 
  both 
  

   of 
  us 
  became 
  quite 
  expert 
  in 
  the 
  produc- 
  

   tion 
  of 
  the 
  famous 
  sentence, 
  "How 
  are 
  

   you, 
  grandmamma 
  ?" 
  

  

  The 
  dog 
  took 
  quite 
  a 
  bread-and-butter 
  

   interest 
  in 
  the 
  experiments 
  and 
  often 
  used 
  

   to 
  stand 
  up 
  on 
  his 
  hind 
  legs 
  and 
  try 
  to 
  

   say 
  this 
  sentence 
  by 
  himself, 
  but 
  without 
  

   manipulation 
  was 
  never 
  able 
  to 
  do 
  any- 
  

   thing 
  more 
  than 
  growl. 
  

  

  The 
  fame 
  of 
  the 
  dog 
  soon 
  spread 
  

   among 
  my 
  father's 
  friends, 
  and 
  people 
  

  

  came 
  from 
  far 
  and 
  near 
  to 
  witness 
  the 
  

   performance. 
  This 
  is 
  the 
  only 
  founda- 
  

   tion 
  for 
  the 
  newspaper 
  stories 
  that 
  I 
  

   had 
  once 
  succeeded 
  in 
  teaching 
  a 
  dog 
  to 
  

   speak. 
  

  

  MY 
  EIRST 
  INVENTION 
  

  

  I 
  have 
  often 
  been 
  asked 
  whether 
  I 
  can 
  

   recall 
  the 
  nature 
  of 
  my 
  first 
  invention 
  and 
  

   how 
  I 
  came 
  to 
  make 
  it. 
  So 
  far 
  as 
  I 
  can 
  

   recollect, 
  it 
  came 
  about 
  in 
  this 
  way 
  : 
  

  

  When 
  I 
  was 
  quite 
  a 
  little 
  fellow, 
  it 
  so 
  

   happened 
  that 
  my 
  father 
  had 
  a 
  pupil 
  of 
  

   about 
  my 
  own 
  age 
  with 
  whom 
  I 
  used 
  to 
  

   play. 
  He 
  was 
  the 
  son 
  of 
  a 
  Mr. 
  Herdman, 
  

   who 
  owned 
  large 
  flour 
  mills 
  near 
  Edin- 
  

   burgh, 
  and, 
  of 
  course, 
  I 
  went 
  over 
  to 
  the 
  

   mills 
  pretty 
  often 
  to 
  play 
  with 
  him 
  there. 
  

   We 
  romped 
  about 
  and 
  got 
  into 
  all 
  sorts 
  

   of 
  mischief, 
  until 
  at 
  last 
  one 
  day 
  Mr. 
  

   Herdman 
  called 
  us 
  into 
  his 
  office 
  for 
  a 
  

   very 
  serious 
  talk. 
  

  

  "Why 
  can't 
  you 
  boys 
  do 
  something 
  

   useful," 
  he 
  said, 
  "instead 
  of 
  always 
  getting 
  

   into 
  mischief 
  ?" 
  

  

  I 
  mildly 
  asked 
  him 
  to 
  tell 
  us 
  some 
  use- 
  

   ful 
  thing 
  to 
  do, 
  and 
  he 
  replied 
  by 
  putting 
  

   his 
  arm 
  into 
  a 
  bag 
  and 
  pulling 
  out 
  a 
  hand- 
  

   ful 
  of 
  wheat. 
  He 
  showed 
  us 
  that 
  the 
  

   grains 
  were 
  covered 
  with 
  husks, 
  and 
  said 
  : 
  

   "If 
  you 
  could 
  only 
  take 
  the 
  husks 
  off 
  that 
  

   wheat 
  you'd 
  be 
  doing 
  something 
  useful 
  

   indeed." 
  

  

  That 
  made 
  rather 
  an 
  impression 
  upon 
  

   my 
  mind, 
  and 
  I 
  began 
  to 
  think, 
  "Why 
  

   couldn't 
  we 
  take 
  the 
  husks 
  off 
  by 
  brush- 
  

   ing 
  the 
  seeds 
  with 
  a 
  nailbrush!" 
  

  

  We 
  tried 
  the 
  experiment 
  and 
  found 
  it 
  

   successful, 
  although 
  it 
  involved 
  a 
  good 
  

   deal 
  of 
  hard 
  work 
  from 
  the 
  two 
  mischief- 
  

   makers. 
  We 
  persevered, 
  however, 
  and 
  

   soon 
  had 
  a 
  nice 
  little 
  sample 
  of 
  cleaned 
  

   wheat 
  to 
  show 
  to 
  Mr. 
  Herdman. 
  I 
  then 
  

   remembered 
  that 
  during 
  our 
  explorations 
  

   at 
  the 
  mills 
  we 
  had 
  come 
  across 
  a 
  large 
  vat 
  

   or 
  tank 
  with 
  a 
  paddle-wheel 
  arrangement 
  

   in 
  it 
  that 
  whirled 
  round 
  and 
  round 
  in 
  a 
  

   casing 
  of 
  quite 
  rough 
  material, 
  brushes 
  

   or 
  fine 
  wire 
  netting, 
  or 
  something 
  of 
  that 
  

   sort. 
  If 
  we 
  could 
  only 
  put 
  the 
  wheat 
  into 
  

   that 
  machine, 
  I 
  thought, 
  the 
  whirling 
  of 
  

   the 
  paddle 
  should 
  cause 
  the 
  seeds 
  to 
  rub 
  

   against 
  the 
  rough 
  surface 
  of 
  the 
  casing. 
  

   and 
  thus 
  brush 
  off 
  the 
  husks. 
  

  

  It 
  was 
  a 
  proud 
  day 
  for 
  us 
  when 
  we 
  

   boys 
  marched 
  into 
  Mr. 
  Herdman's 
  office, 
  

   presented 
  him 
  with 
  our 
  sample 
  of 
  cleaned 
  

  

  