KIDD'S OWN JOURNAL. 



13 



outlay. It is headed, " 8107 marriages 

 last year," and proceeds thus : — 



" Matrimony made easy, or how to win a 



lover. — Madame M , London, continues 



to send free to any address, on receipt 

 of thirteen postage stamps (uncntj, plain 

 directions to enable Ladies or Gentlemen 

 to win the devoted affections of as many of the 

 opposite sex as their hearts may desire. The 

 process is simple — so captivating and enthralling, 

 that all may be married, irrespective of age, 

 appearance, or position ; while the most fickle, or 

 cold-hearted, may readily bow to its attractions. 

 Young and old, peer and peeress, as well 

 as the peasant, are alike subject to its influence ; 

 and last, though not least, it can be arranged 

 with such ease and delicacy that exposure is 

 impossible, — Beware of ignorant pretenders." 



The winning of a lover, it will be seen, is 

 herein described as simple, captivating, and 

 enthralling. All may be married, irrespective 

 of age, or appearance, whilst the fickle and 

 cold-hearted may be rendered constant and 

 ardent as fire. Then, " ease" and " delicacy" 

 are called in; and " exposure" rendered " im- 

 possible." This is rich, — and only exceeded 

 by the last concluding sentence, cautioning 

 the public against herself. — Beware of" igno- 

 rant pretenders ! " 



It is worthy of note, that the greater the 

 impudence put forward in advertisements, the 

 greater the success in procuring dupes. Is 

 not the subjoined, cut out of the paper only 

 a day or two since, rich and rare ? Oh ! 

 thou most gullible John Bull ! 



" Bashfulness. — Those persons who are troubled 

 with bashfulness, timidity, disinclination to enter 

 a " room full of company," inability to speak 

 freely when in company, &c, should at once write 

 to Mr. J. Parkinson, who will forward them his 

 advice on the means to be employed for obtain- 

 ing confidence, the power of conversing and 

 mingling freely in society without being annoyed 

 by any disagreeable feeling of restraint ; in short, 

 the comfortable assurance of easy gentility. — 

 Direct (enclosing two dozen postage-stamps and a 

 directed envelope) to Mr. J. Parkinson, care of 

 the Post Office, &c, &c." 



The " two dozen postage - stamps" is 

 nothing, in comparison with " the comfort- 

 able assurance of easy gentility." Whether 

 the latter be forthcoming or not, is beside 

 the question. The "two dozen stamps," 

 value 2s., will never be refunded ! 



There are two sides to every question. 

 We remember once advertising for "a 

 housekeeper." Being young and inexpe- 

 rienced, we perhaps worded our " want" 

 rather loosely ; at all events, no sooner had 

 the advertisement appeared, than we were 

 besieged on every hand by the hunters-up 

 of advertisements. We were looked upon 

 as fair game by old and young, ugly and 

 pretty. Some smirked at us, some winked 

 at us ; some said, " they knew they should 



suit us nicely ;" and others wanted to take 

 " instant possession" of our royal person. 

 Vain was it for us, — then a blooming youth, 

 to remonstrate. It would not do. Every 

 one of these besetting, besieging house- 

 keepers,tried to vanquish us by saying she was 

 "just the thing" ; and we barely escaped with 

 the skin of our teeth. At last, out of revenge 

 we selected, as a safeguard, one of the ugliest 

 and silliest ; and then made a sortie, we 

 remember, by a side door, whilst the fair 

 would-be invaders of our domestic felicity 

 trooped off most reluctantly one by one. The 

 day following they again dropped in, by 

 couplets and triplets, to see as they said 

 "which way the wind lay." But we were 

 firm, — a martyr to our principles. 



We had taken a servant who was an adver- 

 tisement-hunter. Of course therefore we were 

 robbed. We had been told it would be so; 

 but we thought we knew woman-kind better, 

 and so we paid for our experience. Our 

 wardrobe diminished one half at least, in 

 four months ; our brown brandy became 

 " pale," by coming into too close contact 

 with water ; the Geneva turned out 

 " water bewitched ;" and the rum was, as 

 our bachelor-friends expressed it, — " Rum 

 indeed !" A double set of keys too, placed 

 all our secrets at the mercy of Madame ; 

 and we found ourselves fairly obliged to 

 give her notice to quit. This over-polite 

 woman was always an eye-sore to us. We 

 had taken her in a pet, — we kept her as a 

 matter of philosophical necessity. WTien 

 she was gone, we shouted for joy ; and vowed 

 soon to commit Matrimony as a panacea 

 for all such evils. We kept our vow. 



We again repeat, — shun all wants and 

 wishes made known through tricky advertise- 

 ments. They are webs — woven by the few 

 for the destruction of the many. 



WINTER.— FROST. 



It is winter — veritable winter — with hona 

 fide frost, and cramping cold, and a sun as 

 clear and powerless as moonlight. The win- 

 dows glitter with the most fantastic frost-work . 

 Cities, with their spires and turrets, ranks of 

 spears, files of horsemen — every gorgeous and 

 brilliant array told of in romance or song, 

 start out of that mass of silvery tracery, like 

 the processions of a magic mirror. What a 

 miraculous beauty there is in frost ! What 

 fine work in its radiant crystals ! What 

 mystery in its exact proportions and its mani- 

 form varieties ! The feathery snow-flake, the 

 delicate rime, the transparent and sheeted ice, 

 the magnificent iceberg moving down the sea 

 like a mountain of light — how beautiful are 

 they all, and how wonderful is it, that, break 

 and scatter them as you will, you will find 

 under every form the same faultless angles, 



