KIDD'S OWN JOURNAL. 



333 



"MY DOG KNEW IT!" 



We have, more than once, at all events 

 half, wished that we could conscientiously 

 adopt the creed of the " poor Indian," who 



— " Thinks, admitted to an equal sky, 

 His faithful dog shall bear him company ; 



but, alas ! he is of " the brutes that perish ;" 

 and the wish is an idle, it may be a murmur • 

 ing one. But that a dog has nothing more 

 than mere instinct — that a dog doesn't think, 

 we defy the most learned Theban that ever 

 wrote or lectured to convince us. We do 

 not mean to say that he is a philosopher, or 

 a moralist, or a poet ; but he feels and he 

 reasons, for all that — and he shames or 

 ought to shame, not a few of his very rational 

 lords and masters. 



When we threw down our newspaper this 

 morning, after breakfast, and sauntered to 

 the parlor window for the mere purpose, as 

 an ordinary observer would have conjectured, 

 of standing there with our hands in our 

 pockets — our children didn't know it — the 

 wife of our bosom didn't know it — we scarcely 

 even knew it ourselves — but Eover, our dog, 

 knew it ; and he came frisking and bounding 

 from his prescriptive corner of the hearth- 

 rug, and looking up in our face, and bow- 

 wow-ing (for which we first thrashed him 

 bodily, and then ourselves mentally, though, 

 in truth, the cuff we gave him would hardly 

 have sufficed to disturb the most superannu- 

 ated flea of the tribe which made in him their 

 dwelling), and running to the door, and 

 scampering back again, and then jumping 

 bolt upright as high as he could jump, and 

 looking as if he would give his ears to say 

 bow-wow once more — only he durst not — 

 and so, as it was there ready at his tongue's 

 end, easing it off gently through his teeth in 

 the shape of a sort of pleasurable growl ; 

 and then lying down, and yet peering up 

 ever into our face with a kind of half suppli- 

 cating, half reproachful expression, which 

 said, as plainly as looks can say, " Well, I'm 

 almost afraid it's of no use, but I won't give 

 it up for all that," and then — " Bless my 

 soul ! are we to be kept a whole month 

 learning what this dog of yours did know ? " 



Now, thank your stars, good readers, that 

 we are of a placid and gentle disposition — 

 for, by that intemperate interruption of yours, 

 you have cut short one of the most faithful 

 touches of description that we have penned 

 for this many a day. Had we been sudden 

 and quick in quarrel, it might have Cost you 

 more than the loss of the picture you have 

 so unceremoniously marred. But, alas ! you 

 feel it not — we say to you as Sir Isaac said 

 to his spaniel, " Ah ! Diamond ! Diamond ! 

 thou little knowest what mischief thou hast 

 done ! " Had we been in the knight's place 

 on that most trying occasion, and had our 



footman or our housemaid, or any man or 

 maid on the face of the earth, destroyed at 

 one fell swoop the labor of years, we verily 

 believe the readers of next morning's Times 

 would have been horrified by three entire 

 columns of " awful murder and felo-de-se." 

 But had it been thou, oh, Rover, our little 

 harmless, playful doggie, thou who didst 

 never provoke one frown of anger upon our 

 brow, but one wag of thy tail dispelled it in 

 a moment — had it been thou, we say, who 

 hadst done the wrong, we should, with all 

 the meekness of the immortal philosopher, 

 have — 



"Zounds, sir! what did your dog know 

 all this while?" 



" Why, sir, — he knew we were going out 

 for a walk!" Dot. 



GULLS AND THEIR VICTIMS. 



THE MATRIMONIAL FLAT-CATCHER. 

 {Continued from Page 11.) 



We entered into a full exposure, 

 in our January number, of certain ignorant 

 and unprincipled quacks, who deluged the 

 town with their deceptive advertisements ; 

 luring thousands into their deep-laid snares, 

 and practising seriously upon the wits 

 as well as the purses of their numerous 

 dupes. We have reason to believe that 

 our exposure was attended with some bene- 

 ficial results. 



Another of these advertising sharks is 

 in the field ; and we are requested by a 

 correspondent, to register her among the 

 other speckled birds. Her avowed name 

 is Madame Maxwell ; and her mission, she tells 

 us, is to bring about unions between people of 

 opposite sentiments, rendering the matter 

 " delightfully pleasant to both ;" and being 

 in all cases "highly successful." This from 

 the mouth of a woman ! 



We should have let this pretender pass 

 down the stream of time forgotten, had we 

 not observed how energetically she is ad- 

 vertising, and spreading her nets to catch 

 the unwary. She is a first-rate artiste in 

 humbug ; consequently, her victims are 

 numerous. Her presumption is only ex- 

 ceeded by her gross iudelicacy, or rather 

 profligacy. 



Her mode of procedure is this. All 

 persons who want to "win a lover," as she 

 terms it, are to enclose her thirteen stamps, 

 and she will then furnish them full instruc- 

 tions.* These instructions are received in 



* We may very appositely introduce here, in a 

 note, the report of a curious " action " recently 

 brought to recover fifteen shillings. Mr. Gay, 

 it appears, wanted a wife, and did not know how 

 to * set about " getting one. "What an odd idea 



