338 



KIDD'S OWN JOURNAL. 



endured that which could not be cured ; and 

 though ultimately cigars and pipes subscribed 

 their share with other evils in injuring the system 

 and drying up the juices of the body, still I shared 

 the ill with my adjacent brotherhood ; and person- 

 ally I received the injury and insult with the dignity 

 of a Stomach conscious of his own rectitude. 



At this season, of course, we all venture 

 abroad for a little sweet air, — either on board 

 a river steam-boat or in some place of public 

 resort. We cannot find it ! The air is every- 

 where fouled by city clerks and beardless 

 shopboys : nor can we escape the fumes of 

 dried cabbage leaves, turn which way we 

 will. 



One half, at least, of the animals whose 

 ugly mouths are distorted by the projection 

 of those (facetiously called) " cigars, 1 ' show 

 symptoms of sickness. Their pale visages 

 tell us, as plainly as possible, that their 

 punishment is extreme. They puff and puff 

 away, till their gooseberry eyes lose what 

 little expression was in them when they first 

 came out, and we find them fast asleep. The 

 Stomach tells us a nice tale about these and 

 all other smokers. Faugh ! What a set of 

 tilthy wretches men are, when they go out for 

 a summer holiday ! Well may they hate 

 birds, trees, flowers, and the infinite variety 

 of nature's beautiful productions ; when 

 gorging, smoking, and drinking, are by them 

 considered the grand end of life ! 



Speaking of the digestion of men and 

 animals, the " Minister of the Interior " 

 remarks, — 



A cow's stomach digests, in its own peculiar 

 way, admirably for the necessities of a cow. A 

 gizzard does the duty of mastication for the bird 

 tribe. A boa constrictor's slow working apparatus 

 is excellently well adapted for that gentle animal ; 

 and the inside ot many insects is as complicated as 

 their life is varied, and is nicely calculated to serve 

 them on earth, air, or water. Now, the stomach of a 

 human being is equally congenial to man's nature, 

 and the higher his intellectual faculties, the more 

 sensitive and delicate is his inside. In organic 

 structure; it is, of course, the same in all men ; and 

 a Hottentot's digestive organs, and those of Sir 

 Isaac Newton, would present identical confor- 

 mations — but the sympathy of the nervous energies 

 marks the subtle difference. Thence I again affirm 

 that the moral acts upon the physical, and vice 

 versa, by the most delicate sympathy and wonderful 

 laws. 



We wish all our readers to " digest " well 

 these very sensible and important obser- 

 vations. We do all of us offend so much 

 against our best friend, that we require con- 

 tinual admonition. 



The Stomach tells us many other curious 

 things ; and among others, cautions lovers in 

 particular to take care how they offend. His 

 advice is good, and it is worth recording. 

 Hearken, young people ; aye, and old people 

 too !— 



My advice to every lover is — take care of your 

 stomach ; for his influence is greater than you 

 imagine. I feel perfectly persuaded, that more love- 

 matches have been broken off owing to this very 

 respectable organ than to any other cause. It is 

 all very well to term the reasons for remaining 

 single — prudence ; and the necessity of providing 

 means to keep your carriage and servants, and all 

 that sort of thing. But the truth is, a derangement 

 of the digestive powers makes both men and 

 women petulant, over sensitive, sceptical, and fas- 

 tidious ; and it engenders a host of other ill qualities, 

 erroneously thought to emanate from the brain or 

 liver. The ancients were wrong, when they at- 

 tributed to this last organ the seat of the affections ; 

 and the moderns are equally so in debiting love to 

 the account of the heart. The stomach is the real 

 source of that sublime passion, and I swell with 

 pride and inward satisfaction when I make the 

 avowal. 



The Stomach is very candid. He avows 

 that he himself fell in love ; and adds : — 



I beg that I may not be laughed at for this con- 

 fession ; but let me tell you a stomach has a heart, 

 and a very tender one too. The worst part of the 

 affair was that, like the great potentates of the 

 earth, I was obliged to promise my affections to an 

 object I had never seen. It is true Mr. Brain gave 

 me an inkling of her likeness ; but the reader will 

 see at once, from the nature of my position, that I 

 was not capable of visional contemplation. Upon 

 this point, indeed, I was so much interested, that 

 I longed to knock away the plaster between the 

 ribs, and get a glance at the lady ; but as such a 

 proceeding would have been unjust to others, I sat 

 like Pyramis behind a wall, without even a chink 

 through which to look at Thisbe. I soon discovered 

 that the damsel who was the cause of this internal 

 commotion (for there was not a portion of the whole 

 body but which was influenced in some way or 

 other) was nothing better than a hosier's daughter, 

 living near the university. 



But we have now given a very fair insight 

 into the nature and object of this work, which 

 every stomach ought to purchase for its own 

 individual benefit. We did purpose extracting 

 the Minister's permission as to what, and how 

 much, might be partaken of at dinner-time. 

 But this would occupy more space thau we 

 can afford. 



We offer no excuse for having made this 

 introduction between the public and our 

 Minister of the Interior. At a season when 

 every one is bent upon enjoying themselves, 

 we do not venture upon any " heavy " sub- 

 ject ; and therefore have confined ourself to 

 that which is useful, profitable, and undeniably 

 interesting. 



Woe be to him who despises our friendly 

 warning ! 



LOVE'S LOVELINESS. 



" What thing is Love, which nought can counter- 

 vail?" 

 Nought save " itself," — ev'n such a thing is Love ! 

 All worldly wealth in "worth" as far doth fail 

 As lowest earth doth yield to Heav'n above. 



