WHEN FATHER HANGS A PICTURE. 



CHARLES N. DOUGLAS. 



When Father hangs a picture on the wall 

 there's lots of fun, 



An' ev'ryone aroun' the house has got to 

 move an' run. 



The ol' step ladder's fixed in place, the 

 hammer's nowhere's roun', 



An' when they start to look for nails, the 

 nails ain't to be foun'. 



Pa shouts aloud his orders, an Ma says 

 'twas ever thus, 



When a man starts in to do some work 

 there's bound to be a fuss. 



An' Pa says women's useless things an' al- 

 ways have to call 



A man if thev should want to hang a pic- 

 ture on the wall. 



Pa gets a roll of picture wire, an' then a 

 measurin' tape, 



An' says he'll show the women how to put 

 the house in shape. 



Off to the parlor then he goes and partly 

 there disrobes 



And bangs the ladder right against the 

 shandyleer and globes, 



Then shouts for Ma, an' gives her fits be- 

 cause she didn't fly 



To warn him when the ladder to the shan- 

 dyleer was nigh. 



Then Baby 'mongst the broken glass un- 

 noticed starts to crawl. 



Oh! there's heaps of fun when Father 

 hangs a picture on the wall. 



They bandage up the Baby, an' they sweep 



up all the glass. 

 An' Pa says, at hangin' pictures, nobody's 



in his class. 

 There's artists in most every line, Pa 'lows, 



but you can bet 

 That for real artistic hanging, no one's 



equalled him as yet. 

 Then he holds a nail between his teeth, and 



Ma remarks she's glad, 

 As now at least his tongue is stopped, an' 



that just makes Pa mad, 

 An' down he lays the law to Ma, who goes 



out in the hall, 

 An' leaves Pa in his glory hangin' pictures 



on the wall. 



Pa measures up the wall an' squints and 



then starts in to back 

 So as to get a better view, and gives his 



head a crack; 

 An' oh ! the things that poor Pa said, I'm 



glad no one was near 

 When his bald head bumped up against 



that parlor shandyleer. 

 Then up the ol' step ladder, nail in mouth, 



he starts to climb 

 An' says he 'lows that picture's just as good 



as fixed this time, 

 Then hits that nail a mighty whack, an 



"murder !" starts to bawl, 

 For it's not the picture, but Pa's thumb's 



got nailed against the wall. 



The damaged thumb is bandaged up, the 



head is plastered, then 

 Up that old ladder, "do or die," once more 



Pa sails agen ; 

 An' then he goes for that ol' nail, an' hits it 



such a swipe 

 An' not only drives it through the wall, 



but through an' ol' gas pipe, 

 An' just as we all smell the gas, the ladder 



gives a crack 

 An' crash it goes an' sends poor Pa a- 



sprawlin' on his back. 

 His ankle sprained, for Doctor Jones we 



send a hurry call 

 To tell him Pa is sick with "picturitis 



on the wall." 

 It beats a circus when Pa hangs a picture 



on the wall. 



The Baby's cut with broken glass, an', as 



for poor ol' dad, 

 He's sprained a foot, an' lost a thumb, his 



head's cut awful bad. 

 The shandyleer is wrecked for life, the 



gas it's made Ma ill, 

 An' 'twill take Pa's savings for a year to 



pay the plumber's bill. 

 The parlor looks as if a cyclone slept 



in it a week, 

 Or a band of Texas steers had been there 



playin' hide and seek; 

 An' ever since that day, Dad, he's been 



singin' mighty small, 

 An' Ma, not Pa, henceforth will hang the 



pictures on our wall. 



It is easier to rob a million men of a 

 dollar each, than to rob one man of a 

 million,. — Exchange. 

 260 



