102 



KIDD'S OWN JOURNAL. 



until eight, a full hour too soon. At last, 

 down came my aunt and my two cousins, as 

 gay as peacocks. There was an ugly black 

 cloud gathering in the horizon, and R. ad- 

 vised umbrellas. I sided with the prudentials ; 

 but all the ladies maintained, that the day 

 was " heavenly," that there was "no chance 

 of rain," and that "umbrellas were such a 

 bore ! " So the " ayes " were left greatly in 

 the minority. It had been settled, that we 



were not to breakfast till we got to C , 



a bad arangement, by the by ; an empty 

 stomach is an ill beginning to a day's plea- 

 sure — no temper will stand it. My own, I 

 know, is angelic— yet, before I reached 



C , I was confoundedly sulky ; and I was 



not alone in this. 



Eating and drinking, however, is always 

 a popular thing, and productive of good hu- 

 mor. The company which had gradually 

 become more and more silent, now began to 

 talk at once, and various were the raptures 

 on the subject of the day — the prospect — the 

 drive — the sun ; and even the cream and the 

 new-laid eggs came in for their share of 

 praise. After breakfast, we agreed to go a 

 ruralising in the fields and green lanes ; but 

 R., who was corpulent, preferred driving his 

 gig slowly ; lest his wife should be " knocked 

 up " the rest of the week, he insisted that 

 she should accompany him. Nothing should 

 ever be insisted on in a party of pleasure ; it 

 interferes with the exercise of free will, so 

 essential to enjoyment of any kind ; even to 

 do a man good against his will, breeds con- 

 tention : but this is a digression. Revenons 

 a nos moutons, as the French say. 



The sun now began to be intolerably power- 

 ful, seemingly in revenge for a previous com- 

 plaint that it was rather cool for the time of 

 year. There was a superb wood about half 

 a mile off; and beyond that, "a deep valley 

 watered by a brook, breathing the very 

 spirit of coolness and repose," as we were 

 assured by a young man of our party ; " a 

 sweet poet," as I was informed by the young 

 lady on my arm. 



By the time that we got over half a dozen 

 fields, two of them newly ploughed, it was 

 discovered that we were proceeding due 

 east, whereas the wood lay to the west. 

 After divers grumblings, and reproachful 

 " I told you so's ! " we were compelled to 

 retrace our steps. The wood, instead of 

 being only half a mile off, was two whole 

 miles ; and so thick with underwood, that 

 nothing was heard but lamentations over 

 torn flounces, and veils, — faces and hands 

 scratched by the briars — broken parasols, 

 and bonnets bent out of all shape from a 

 losing contest with the boughs. At length, 

 by dint of pulling, pushing, squeezing, drag- 

 ging, and screaming, we got through the wood, 

 and sat down upon a bank to rest ourselves ; 



but one lady did not like sitting on the grass, 

 because it might be damp, another was 

 afraid of frogs, and another of snakes. 



Ladies' complaints cannot be disregarded. 

 The poet and I, therefore, went on a voyage 

 of adventure, and discovered the trunk of a 

 felled tree, which accommodated the elder 

 ladies ; and I, and the fair creature I had the 

 honor of escorting, strolled some distance 

 to a village churchyard, where I assisted her 

 to copy epitaphs into her pocket album, and 

 mended her pencil, that she might sketch 

 the church, and the surrounding landscape. 

 A very pretty drawing it was ! only that, 

 by a little error in perspective, the trees in 

 the back-ground seemed to be growing out 

 of the belfry. 



When the ladies were rested, it was time 

 to return to the inn to dinner ; but then 

 there was the abominable wood to repass. 

 Heavy were the complaints ; and many the 

 vows, " never, while they breathed, to come 

 into a wood again ; " and bitter were the 

 reproaches lavished on the unlucky poet, 

 whose misrepresentations had drawn the 

 party into such a scrape. At last, when we 

 arrived at the inn, so much time had been 

 lost by the way, that we found the dinner 

 spoiled. This was the worst grievance of 

 all, though every one had some particular 

 grievance of his own to relate besides. 



Mr. and Mrs. R. had suffered more than 

 anybody. The lady had lost her parasol 

 and her lap-dog ; the gentleman his hat, his 

 whip, his time, his money, and his temper. 

 How the deuce they contrived to get into 

 such a pickle, I could never make out. The 

 gentleman who had undertaken our financial 

 arrangements, managed the matter by dis- 

 puting every article in the bill, scolding the 

 landlord, and kicking the waiter out of the 

 room ; for which pastime he was indicted 

 for an assault at the Quarter Sessions, and 

 had to pay nineteen pounds, some odd 

 shillings, damages and costs : he had parti- 

 cularly boasted of knowing how to deal with 

 " these sort of people," and this was a proof 

 of it. 



From the time we set out, there was but 

 one point on which we were cordially agreed, 

 and that was, to order carriages and go 

 home as fast as possible. The gig had been 

 disabled, and the landlord did not keep post 

 horses, so that in addition to our former 

 loading of six insides to a barouche, we were 

 to accommodate Mr. R. and his wife. Seven 

 grown persons in one carriage, and two on 

 the box ! and this on a warm July evening. 

 To crown the whole, it began to rain tor- 

 rents, we had no umbrellas, and the postillion 

 was drunk! In defiance of all we could 

 say, he set off, loaded as the carriage was, 

 at the rate of twelve miles an hour. How 

 we escaped with our necks unbroken, I never 



