342 



KIDD'S OWN JOURNAL. 



before. Egad! the remembrance of it makes me 

 quite tremble all over with delight. Certainly 

 my tail never wagged so fast before ; nor ever will 

 it again. Hurrah! for the omelets of the Tour 

 de Gourzes ! Then, some delicious " Tommes de 

 chivra," and fresh butter; vegetables of all sorts; 

 capital beer; plenty of yvorne and cotillon; and 

 you may imagine what a thoroughly merry party 

 we were! A glass of stiffish cognac and water, 

 and a cigar; and then, in the cool of the evening, 

 all quietly sauntered home, quite delighted with 

 our trip, and resolved to renew it on some future 

 occasion. 



So now — my dear Mr. Editor, good bye for 

 the present. Yonr faithful friend, 



Tottenham, Nov. 16. 



Fino. 



THE VALUE OF WOMEN— AT A " PIKCH." 



" Some people" say — Women are mere 

 cyphers. Are they ! Let " some people" 

 read the following, and give in their recan- 

 tation at once : — 



" I instituted an action, for a large amount, 



in the county of . The suit was brought 



upon a plain promissory note, which I was 

 assured was founded upon good consideration; 

 and I was curious to know what defence could 

 be set up. I was aware that I had to deal 

 with a wily adversary; and when I offered 

 my note in evidence, and closed my case, I 

 was more terrified than surprised, when I 

 heard him direct the sheriff to call Mrs. 

 Mary Jackson. The witness appeared. To 

 my horror, she was a perfect beauty ; pos- 

 sessing a sweet countenance, with an exquisite 

 form. I saw at once that my antagonist had 

 formed the same opinion of human nature 

 that I had ; and that he was about to make 

 the experiment of washing away the obligation 

 of a note of hand, by the tears of a female 

 witness. I knew that nothing but a desperate 

 effort could save my client, and that her 

 testimony must be excluded before she had 

 time to cry. 



I rose at once. ' I perceive,' said I, ad- 

 dressing the court, ' that this lady bears the 

 same name with the defendant ; I therefore 

 respectfully request that she be placed on 

 the voir dire.'' This was done. — ' Will you be 

 kind enough to say, madam, what relation 

 you are to the defendant?' 



■ Sir,' answered she, applying a beautifully- 

 embroidered handkerchief to her eyes, 'I 

 am his injured wife !' 



' Then, of course, your Honour, the lady's 

 testimony is inadmissible.' 



' Oh, very well,' interposed my adversary ; 

 ' you wish to keep the truth from the jury, 

 do you ? Gentlemen of the jury, you see 

 what technicalities are resorted to, to procure 

 a verdict against my client — I hope you will 

 appreciate it, gentlemen.' 



By this time, the lady was a beautiful re- 



presentation of Rachel of old ; and one glance 

 at the jury was sufficient to convince me that 

 my case was ruined. I turned to my client : 

 ' You are gone, my friend,' said I. ' Gone !' 

 said he ; ' gone, my dear Sir. Don't give up 

 my case so coolly ; I shall be made a beggar, 

 if I lose this case, and then what will become 

 of my wife, and my poor daughters ? ' 



' Oh, you have daughters, have you ? Run 

 and bring them, my dear friend! If they 

 mine, we must countermine. Bring them, 

 one and all ! ' 



1 May it please your Honour,' I began, ' I 

 desire to offer some rebutting testimony.' 



' Rebutting testimony, Mr. C ? Why 



your adversary has not been permitted to 

 examine his witness. What have you to 

 rebut ? ' 



' A great deal, your Honour. The witness 

 has given some testimony. She called her- 

 self the injured wife of the defendant. Injured 

 by whom? By my client. Injured how? 

 By procuring this note, the subject matter of 

 this suit, from him. Now, Sir, I wish to 

 swear the afflicted daughters of the plaintiff, 

 against the injured wife of the defendant.' 



Here my fair witnesses commenced to weep 

 bitterly, while several of the jury looked on, 

 with evident commiseration. My triumph 

 was complete ; but I determined to pay off 

 my legal friend, in his own coin. 



■ I do not seek, Sir,' continued I, ' to take 

 up the time of this court and jury, by ad- 

 ministering the oath to all these witnesses. 

 I am afraid their heart-rending description of 

 this nefarious transaction (of which, be it 

 remembered, they did not know a syllable), 

 would unman us all ; and your Honour, and 

 this intelligent jury would be tempted to 

 inflict summary justice upon the base wretch, 

 who, with a heart like Caligula, and a spirit 

 like Nero, could attempt to doom to a life of 

 beggary, of shame, and perhaps of infamy, the 

 beautiful offspring of my unhappy — my too 

 credulous, too confiding client. Sir, in the 

 spirit of a liberal compromise, I will swear 

 but three of them.' 



Here there ensued a new burst of anguish 

 from the daughters, and a corresponding and 

 prolonged excitement of the jury. My legal 

 friend saw that I had out-generalled him, and 



so he said : ' C , stop your nonsense, and 



take your verdict ! ' Of course I did so ; but 

 to show my knowledge of jury nature, I add, 

 that as the foreman passed me, he said : ■ I 

 am rejoiced you have gained your suit ; 

 but, before you offered to swear those wit- 

 nesses, your case was a very dark one. — 

 Knickerbocker. — The ''.Georgia Lawyer. 1 



[A pretty, or fascinating woman, armed 

 with a few tears, and an embroidered hand- 

 kerchief (a killing weapon) — would disarm 

 "justice" in any court; aye, in any country. 

 How is this?] 



