KIDD'S LONDON JOURNAL. 



79 



THINGS IN GENERAL. 



" De omnibus rebus,— et quibusdam aliis." 



Leap Year. — This is Leap Year ! So, gentle- 

 men, look out! The following is extracted from 

 an old volume, printed in 1606, entitled, " Court- 

 ship, Love, and Matrimonie:" — "Albeit it is 

 novve become a part of the common lawe, in 

 regard to social relations of life, that as often as 

 every bissextile year doth return, the ladyeshavc 

 the sole privilege, during the time it continueth, 

 of making love unto the men, which they doe 

 either by wordes or lookes, as unto them it 

 seemeth proper; and moreover, no man will bel| 

 entitled to the benefite of clergy who dothe refuse 

 to accept the offers of a ladye, or who dothe in 

 anywise treat her proposal with slight or con- 

 tumely." 



"Nice" Distinctions. — A lady asked Mr. 

 Jekyll what was " the difference between a soli- 

 citor and an attorney?" " Precisely the same," 

 he answered, " as between a crocodile and an 

 alligator" 



A Rural Maiden, one after our own 

 Heart.— She had the charms of an angel ; but 

 her dress was quite plain and clean, like a country 

 maid; her face a sweet oval, and her complexion 

 the brunette of a bright rich kind; her mouth 

 like a rosebud, that is just beginning to blow; 

 and a fugitive dimple, would lighten and disap- 

 pear; the finest passions were always passing in 

 her face; and in her chestnut eyes there was a 

 fluid fire, sufficient for half-a-dozen pair. — Amory. 

 — [We will venture to affirm that this lassie was 

 no " scavenger," sweeping the streets with her 

 drapery. Her foot and ancle — we will vouch 

 for it — were all in keeping with her lovely face. 

 Oh, for a return to the " good old times ! " 



Epitaph on the Grave- stone of a Young 

 Lady. — "Died of thin shoes, January, 183S."— 

 [This epitaph might be inscribed on the grave- 

 stones of one-fifth of the ladies of England. We 

 insert it in this particular column, in order that 

 it shall be perused.] 



"Maxims; " from the Arabic. — If the Pro- 

 phet designs a man for a fool, he delivers him 

 into the hands of a woman. — Man keeps the 

 secrets of others better than his own ; woman, her 

 own better than those of others. — Most women 

 have few maxims; they follow their hearts; and 

 in regard to morals, depend on those whom they 

 love. — Many women are like enigmas; they 

 cease to please as soon as they are known. — 

 Patience is an art women seldom " learn," but 

 ivhich they teach in a masterly manner. 



What is a " Sensation?" — T. O. U. are the 

 vowels which create more disagreeable sensations 

 in the minds of honest men than all the rest of 

 the alphabet put together. When, however, they 

 are read backwards, the " sensations " undergo a 

 material change, and the said vowels become 

 "popular." 



"Pastoral" Sympathy. — A sensibility, of 

 which its objects are sometimes insensible. It may 

 be perilous to discourage a feeling, whereof there 

 is no great superabundance in this selfish and 

 hard-hearted world; but even of the little that 

 exists, a portion is frequently thrown away. Such 



is the power of adaptation in the human mind, 

 that those who seem to be in the most pitiable 

 plight, have often the least occasion for pity. A 

 city damsel, whose ideas had been Arcadianised 

 by the perusal of pastorals, having once made an 

 excursion to a distance of twenty miles from 

 London, wandered into the fields in the hope of dis- 

 covering a bond fide live shepherd. To her 

 infinite delight, she at length encountered one, 

 under a hawthorn hedge in full blossom, with 

 his dog by his side, his crook in his hand, and 

 his sheep round about him, just as if he were 

 sitting to be modelled in china for a chimney 

 ornament. To be sure, he did not exhibit the 

 azure jacket, jessamine vest, pink tiffany inex- 

 pressibles, peach-colored stockings, and golden 

 buckles of those faithful portraitures. This was 

 mortifying; still more so, that he was neither 

 particularly young nor cleanly; but, most of all, 

 that he wanted the indispensable accompaniment 

 of a pastoral reed, in order that he might beguile 

 his solitude with the charms of music. Touched 

 with pity at this privation, and lapsing, uncon- 

 sciously, into poetical language, the civic damsel 

 exclaimed — "Ah ! gentle shepherd, tell me 

 where's your pipe? " — "I left it at home, Miss," 

 replied the clown, scratching his head, " cause I 

 lidnt got no baccy." 



" Striking" Proofs of "Affection " in our 

 namesake, " wllliam " the conqueror — an 

 Appalling "Fact." — The following extract 

 from the life of the wife of the Conqueror is ex- 

 ceedingly curious, as characteristic of the manners 

 of a semi-civilised age and nation: — "After some 

 years' delay, AVilliam appears to have become des- 

 perate, and, if we may trust to the evidence of 

 the Chronicle of Ingerbe, in the year 1047, way- 

 laid Matilda in the streets of Bruges as she was 

 returning from mass, seized he?; roiled her in the 

 dirt, spoiled her rich array, and not content with 

 these outrages, struck her repeatedly, and rode off 

 at full speed. This Teutonic method of courtship, 

 according to our author, brought the affair to a 

 crisis; for Matilda, either convinced of the strength 

 of William's passion by the violence of his 

 behavior, or afraid of encountering a second beat- 

 ing, consented to become his wife. How he ever 

 presumed to enter her presence again, after such 

 a series of enormities, the chronicler sayeth not, 

 and we are at a loss to imagine." — Miss Strick- 

 land. — [Oh, Miss Strickland, fie! fie!!] 



C00KEEY, A POSITIVE "SCIENCE." 



Let no one undervalue the importance of 

 the domestic science of cookery, a science 

 whose influence increases with the extension 

 of our social complications. The pre-dispo- 

 sition to indigestion with which all the 

 children of this generation come into the 

 world, and the stomach disease which com- 

 mercial anxiety, literary irritation, and moral 

 vexation are tending to produce in all classes 

 of men, may both be ameliorated or pre- 

 vented by a true understanding of the prin- 

 ciples and applications of diet and cookery. 

 In this age of overtaxed and fretted brains 



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