KIDD'S OWN JOURNAL. 



399 



ways, by wearing thee one clay, than years 

 of superfine cloth and silken prosperity 

 might have taught me." I spread it out on 

 the table. It appeared a mere old coat no 

 longer. It became a map of moral geo- 

 graphy in my eyes, whereon were laid down 

 all the sins and vices of society. What a 

 want of principle the two holes in the elbows 

 denoted ! What atrocities lurked in the 

 rent in the skirts ! and what manifold shames 

 and infamies lay clustered upon the worn-out 

 collar ! Then the utter lack of refinement 

 and intelligence evinced by the bare seams 

 of the back ! while the smaller spots and 

 bald places, scattered plentifully over the 

 surface, admirably typified the minor faults 

 and follies of humanity. But yesterday, it 

 was in my eyes a piece of old, useless cloth ; 

 to-day it seemed to me of greater potency 

 than Prospero's wand, and endowed with 

 more miraculous powers of transformation. 

 Hang this coat, thought I, upon the back of 

 Talent, and Talent forthwith degenerates 

 into Mediocrity ; transfer it to Mediocrity, 

 and Mediocrity immediately sinks into some- 

 thing below contempt. Clothe Humor in it, 

 and Humor becomes coarseness : put it on 

 Wit, and Wit is Wit no longer, but straight- 

 way takes the place of forwardness, inso- 

 lence, and impertinence. How would a deli- 

 cate flight of fancy be neutralised by that 

 threadbare cuff; and what a world of playful 

 satire would the uncovered edges of these 

 two uncovered buttons annihilate ! How 

 pointless (continued I, pursuing my vein of 

 speculation) would fall jests from the unfor- 

 tunate proprietor of this, which, proceeding 

 from the wearer of one of its unimpeachable 

 brethren, avouIc! " set the table in a roar," 

 and shake the sides of respectful and admir- 

 ing listeners with inextinguishable laughter ! 

 Let even Genius himself throw off his 

 mantle, and cover himself with this, and his 

 most ethereal flights would straightway be 

 considered but as the ravings of insanity, and 

 his most profound thoughts as the mysti- 

 cisms of dullness. Or, if it were possible, 

 let Shakspeare be forgotten, and send Genius 

 in this garment, with Hamlet in his pocket 

 to the manager, and oh ! the exquisite cri- 

 ticism he would have to endure! the un- 

 checked rudeness — the mock civility- the 

 paltry condescension he would have to bear ! 

 How would such a coat obscure the divinity 

 of the thoughts, and heighten the improba- 

 bilities of the plot ; and how would the inso- 

 lent laugh, the small witticism, and super- 

 ficial sneer circulate round the green-room ! 

 Why even the sodden-headed supernumera- 

 ries would feel privileged to twit Genius in 

 such a vestment ; and back he would come, 

 unrecompensed, with Hamlet in his pocket, 

 to bear as he best might, 

 " The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's 

 contumely ; 



The insolence of office, and the spurns 

 Which patient merit from the unworthy 

 takes." 



" There is more in this than is natural," 

 said I, " if Philosophy could find it out ;" 

 and grateful as I felt for the lesson I had re- 

 ceived, never did I go forth again, during 

 my residence in London, without instinc- 

 tively glancing at the condition of the habili- 

 ments in which I had bestowed myself; 

 being assured, by experience, that the man 

 is little — the coat is much. 



I spent two years in travelling in England 

 and on the Continent ; but amid all the varied 

 calls upon the attention and fancy of a young 

 man, never did I lose sight of the extreme 

 difference in the behavior of the world to 

 men wearing the two classes of coats ; the 

 one seemed invariably to be regarded as the 

 outward and visible signs of all that was praise- 

 worthy and respectable — the other of all that 

 was vile and despicable. When I have heard a 

 number of people busy chorusing the virtues 

 and good qualities of any man, I have been 

 at no loss to guess the texture of the cloth 

 that covered him ; and when I have heard 

 persons railed at as cynics or misanthropes, 

 or stigmatised as reckless, careless, good-for- 

 nothing fellows, I have generally found them 

 to be some originally warm-hearted enthu- 

 siasts, who had trod the rough roads of 

 existence in dilapidated and disreputable 

 garments. 



On my return to Hamburgh, I found a 

 considerable portion of my uncle's estate 

 settled upon me. The worthy gentleman 

 was quite overjoyed to see me ; a wife and a 

 pleasant country-seat on the banks of the 

 Meuse were waiting my arrival, and my good 

 Aunt Annschen admired the formation of 

 my nostrils as much as ever. I married, 

 with as little delay as possible, Amelia 

 Spigelbergh— did not sit up in bed to read 

 Kant ; and the wedding night, therefore, 

 contrary to my uncle's prediction, passed off 

 without any " extraordinary" incident. 



Since that time, I have also advanced con- 

 siderably in my relative's estimation by 

 abandoning, in a great measure, the Kantian, 

 and adopting the coatian system of philo- 

 sophy, which the good man is pleased to say 

 has some sense in it ; and, though my dislike 

 to the counting-house still continues, yet 

 have I not been idle. During the four years 

 I have been married, I have become an 

 author in a double sense- having finished 

 three children, and five volumes of my great 

 work on the " Coatian System," which when 

 complete, will I trust exemplify in all its 

 various, complex, and mysterious bearings — 

 moral, physical, and intellectual — the ex- 

 treme DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A MAN WALK 

 ING THROUGH THE WORLD IN A GOOD COAT 

 AND A BAD ONE. 



