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RECREATION. 



ITCHING. 



G. A. WARBUKTON. 



Snow is going, 



Streams are flowing, 



In a mad race toward the sea; 



All the signs about are showing 



That my beauties wait for me. 



Willows budding, robins singing, 



Grasses springing, days grow long; 



Winter over, insects hover, 



Birds pour forth their springtime song. 



Bring my fly-book, rod and basket, 



Bring my boots and let me go — 



Where? How senseless 'tis to ask it, 



You're no fisherman, I know. 



Where? There is no other object 



That can fill the soul so full. 



As to go where trout are gleaming, 



In some sun-lit sparkling pool; 



Out into the open meadow, 



Or where alders cast their shade. 



Spring is welcome for the flowers 



And the bird-songs, but I wish 



Everybody knew the pleasure 



Of just going out to fish. 



UNSETTLED HIS NERVES. 



The girl typewriter is sometimes cheer- 

 fully inconsequent. An editor recently en- 

 gaged a typical typist and depicts her as 

 an innocent young thing with big baby 

 eyes, who took 10 minutes to remove an 

 elaborate creation of a hat and 15 minutes 

 more to prepare her notebook and pencil, 

 for she was likewise one of the fair girl 

 stenographers you read about. 



Then she settled down to business and 

 took a bit of dictation, with this result: 



"The growing use of the Autimobile will 

 effect the accident commings on more ways 

 than one in the first place undoubtly the 

 greater expertness has ocured in envolving 

 them by the general use which will be for 

 the next few years an increase of accidents 

 to the persons by collision of vehicles to 

 people. In the 3rd, place unless the com- 

 mings make expecial expansion against 

 the electric motor vehicle which can be 

 hired by the public persons that will be 

 riding them will undoubtedly recover by 

 the usual 'Combination' or prevailing pre- 

 vention coming duble indemnity in case of 

 accident occurring while passenger con- 

 veyance proper by the electric cabs, etc., 

 for the double indemnity." 



Her employer went away on a week's 

 vacation to settle his nerves. — Exchange. 



"And why won't you marry me?" 

 pleaded the lion. 



"Well, to tell you the truth," said the 

 lioness. "I'm afraid you'd be making a 

 roar all the time." — Kansas City Indepen- 

 dent. 



RULING PASSION, ETC. 



The rumble of the ponderous machinery 

 is heard. 



Faster — faster revolves the cruel saw 

 wheel. 



And the beautiful heroine is being 

 dragged nearer those awful teeth. 



"Ha! ha!" hisses the merciless villain. 

 "I'll just tell them that I saw you." 



The heroine being from Boston, this is 

 more than she can stand. 



"Ignoramus!" she shrieks above the 

 din of the saw. "Just tell them that you 

 sawed me!" 



And then the hero dashes in and lifts 

 her away from the hungry teeth. — Chicago 

 News. 



The Professor — I have a new conundrum 

 for you. Why is a mouse like a haystack? 



The Doctor — A new conundrum! That 

 had whiskers when I was a boy. A mouse 

 is like a haystack because the cat'll eat it. 

 New conundrum! Ho! Ho! Ha! Ha! 



The Professor — That isn't the answer at 

 all. The points of resemblance are these: 

 You can't find a needle in a haystack, and 

 you can't find a needle in a mouse. Some 

 people weary me exceedingly with their 

 affection of superior knowledge. — Chicago 

 Tribune. 



"What is a flirt?" asked the small boy. 



"A flirt," replied the old bachelor, "is a 

 pretty woman." 



"But what kind of a pretty woman?" 

 persisted the small boy. 



"Any kind of a pretty woman," answered 

 the old bachelor. 



"Well, how pretty must she be?" the 

 youngster insisted. 



"Oh, pretty enough to have a chance to 

 flirt," returned the old bachelor irritably. 



And still the boy was not satisfied; but 

 as he grows older he will understand it 

 better. — Chicago Evening Post. 



Bank Cashier — This check, madam, isn't 

 filled in. 



"Isn't what?" 



"It has your husband's name signed to 

 it, but it does not state how much money 

 you want." 



"Oh, is that all? Well, I'll take all there 

 is." — Philadelphia Record. 



There is a chance for some genius 

 To spend his days in clover 



By inventing cloth for overcoats 

 That will fade alike all over. 



—Chicago News, 



