UNCLE JOHN'S STORY. 



S. D. 



"You recollect as how I went up to the 

 Carcajou club last fall?'' asked Uncle John. 

 ''Well, this hincident as I am about to re- 

 late, happened then. 



"If yer after a reel old ripsnorter of a 

 time, there's the place to git it," he re- 

 sumed, in his drawling way. "Them chaps 

 up at Carcajou are a mighty rum lot. and 

 things is prettv swift where they be, I tell 

 ye ! There was the Governor who made 

 toddies, an amazin' humorous man. Reel 

 pleasant and nateral, too. Quite like ordi- 

 nery folks in spite of his governmentin' 

 capacity and superior mental frills. Then 

 ther was the Governor's boy, who had a 

 keen understandin' of the elevatedness hin- 

 cidental to being a Governor's son, and the 

 Gineral. and a Senator's son or 2, an 

 author and an inspirin' Methedist preacher. 

 Likewise a smatterin' of more ordinery 

 lawyer^, doctors and newspaper men as 

 looked out fer the peace and welfare of this 

 yer establishment. 



"I mustn't forgit to enumerate him thet 

 was assistant cook under me as was head 

 chef of this yer premises. Eli Perkins his 

 name was, and the curiusest cuss I ever 

 seed. This yer Perkins and me lied no 

 feelin's of adorin' fer each other. He was 

 thet dad-blasted obstinate thet he wanted 

 his own way alius. 



"But to return to my storv, which is 

 about the Gineral, with particelars : 



"The Gineral is pretty old, nigh onto 70, 

 I reckon, and not quite so spry or so quick 

 to handle a gun as he used to be. But once 

 a sportsman, alius a sportsman, you know ; 

 the same bein' the Gineral's predicerment. 



"The day on which this episode occurred 

 was a low r -down blusterin' one. I recollect 

 that right well as I spent a good share of 

 it in a blind, where I had plenty of opper- 

 tunity fer observin' of the same. Gray sky 

 overhead, tumblin' water below, a drizzlin' 

 slant o' rain betwix, with ther wind a- 

 moanin' through the rushes and the birds 

 flyin' in bunches, like bits of black ragged 

 cloud. It was jest the kind of weather fer 

 good shootin", as ye knows. 



"It bein' the etiquette of Carcajou, the 

 shooters lit out fer the blinds directly 

 breakfast was over, takin' a cold lunch in 

 their pockets, an' they never showed up 

 agin until dark. Then they come a-troopin' 

 home, sportin' of ther corpulent game- 

 bags, joshin' each other most unmerciful 

 an' as hungry as wolves. At 7 sharp me 

 and Eli served grub. And they kep a- 

 eatin' of the same as long as ther was any 

 fer to eat. 



"Long about 4 o'clock on the day I de- 

 scribed to yees, havin' bagged 17 ducks 

 with 5 canvasback to head the list. I piked 

 out fer the 'ouse to put the ducks ter roast, 

 peel the taters and mix the 'yonny.' Eli 

 bein' that shiftless I dasn't trust him fer 

 doin' of even this the way it orter to done. 



"These perliminaries 'tended to, I went 

 outdoor to view the adomesphere. Among 

 other things I remarked a boat comin' 

 round a pint of rushes about a quarter mile 

 down shore. As I said, the wind was 

 blowin' right smart out ther and the hoc- 

 cupant seemed considerable embarrassed by 

 its attentions. So what with the gentle 

 breezes and the merry waters he got com- 

 mingled with the rushes to that extent thet 

 he couldn't git out again. 



"After several minutes of frantic manoeu- 

 verin' with the oars, he riz up to pole him- 

 self out of the scrape. Howsomever it 

 happened, he made a miscue and took a 

 somerset overboard. Then after raisin' 

 waterspouts and churnin' the lake into 

 soapsuds fer a spell, he settled down peace- 

 ful like. 



"When the foamin' vapors parted I see 

 him calm and collected as usual, standin' 

 on the bottom of the lake, with the waves 

 a-beatin' up agin his manly breast. !!<• 

 got into his boat agin along of some ex- 

 traordinary gymnastics, and come navi- 

 gatin' along at a snail's pace. When he 

 had nearly reached the dock he leaned out 

 over the side of the boat to ketch a stake 

 to steady himself with in landin'. Thai 

 was another fool move, fer he clean missed 

 the stake and his arms, head and shoul 

 ders went kerchunk inter 2 foot o' water, 

 leavin' his hindquarters still aboard the 

 boat. Then I couldn't help but laugh, a- 

 watchin' of his contortions. Whenever he 

 would try to insinerate the first half of 

 himself inter the boat thet contrairious 

 craft would slide farther out into tin- lake 

 like some new-fangled stern- wheeler. Af- 

 ter walkin' backward on his hands fer a 

 rod or so he come to anchor and lay 

 stock still, half aboard and half in tin- 

 water, a deliberatin' of the siteration. He 

 didn't se^m to think it worth while to play 

 propeller any more, fer he quietly wriggled 

 his latter end over into tin- lake." And 

 Uncle John guffawed uproariously at the 

 recollection. 



"Wal, I started fer the dock, tryin' to 

 compose my visage as I went along. I 

 didn't want to hurt his feelin's. yon know. 

 and they were likely to be techy jest then. 

 So I tried to look onconccrned. and s t > I. 



441 



