THE ASSOCIATED PIRATES. 



KEYSER. 



III. 



' There is a lack of decoration in this 

 camp," said the Hoodoo, " that runs con- 

 trary to my esthetic taste." And, with the 

 aid of some charred wood and a card- 

 board-box cover, he produced a ' This 

 House to Let " card which he nailed over 

 the cabin door with his bowie knife. He 

 was so pleased with the tastefulness of the 

 arrangement that, when the other Pirates 

 landed, an hour later, they were edified 

 by numerous signs requesting them to 

 " Please Keep Off the Grass," " Don't 

 Feed the Animals," and directing them 

 " This Way to the Menagerie," at which 

 latter the Reformed Cowboy was about 

 to take a pot shot with his revolver, when 

 he noticed another of cheerful aspect an- 

 nouncing, " This Way to the Bar." 



Hurrying in that direction he found 

 himself confronting the water jug. 



'' That's a very unclean trick of Irish 

 extraction," he said to the Hoodoo, when 

 he had recovered from his disappoint- 

 ment. 



" There's entirely too much levity in this 

 crowd, anyway," growled Paresis Rafferty, 

 who had sat down on a wire nail and was 

 feeling sore about it. 



" If some of you fellows would converse 

 less and get more wood, there would be 

 something to eat before sundown," put in 

 the Novice, who was pouring kerosene on 

 the fire. 

 " Don't inflate yourself with the idea that 

 you're the only industrious man in the 

 aggregation," suggested the Microbe, who 

 was opening a can of salmon with Paresis' 

 pet pocket knife. Just then Grouty hove 

 in sight with some cocktails and the white 

 dove of peace descended on the encamp- 

 ment. 



" To whom am I indebted for this deli- 

 cate attention," asked the Hoodoo, pro- 

 ducing a telegram from his pocket. 



" 'Twas I, my friend," admitted Paresis. 

 "Did it work?" 



' Your grandmother very low. Come 

 at once,' " read the Microbe, to whom the 

 message had been handed for inspection. 



" Like a charm," said the Hoodoo, " got 

 a half holiday on the strength of it." 



" For my part," said the Reformed 

 Cowboy, " I always distrust that sort of 

 thing since my office boy lost 6 grand- 

 mothers in 8 months." 



" Well," said the Microbe, " I should 

 think you would be rather wary of a boy 

 who confessed to so many parents. An 

 obliquity of morals is apt to be hereditary." 



Just then the Novice poured too much 

 kerosene on the fire and there was a 

 catastrophe. 



" See here, my friend," said Paresis to 

 the badly scared Novice, " if you choose 

 to go without eyebrows during the Sum- 

 mer months on account of the heat, that's" 

 your affair and no one objects; but the 

 amount of kerosene which you use to re- 

 move them, strikes me as being a wasteful 

 extravagance, and necessitates a trip to 

 Yonkers for more." 



What a Godsend he would be to a man 

 with a new hair-grower," said the Hoodoo, 

 scanning the Novice's denuded phiz. 



" Great Scott! is it as bad as that? " cried 

 the Novice, making a rush for the looking- 

 glass. 



" Never mind, my son," said Grouty, re- 

 assuringly, " a little makeup, twice a day, 

 will fix you up all right." 



" Speaking of makeup," said the Mi- 

 crobe, to Paresis Rafferty, " how long 

 have you been dyeing your mustache? " 



"What?" asked Paresis, looking around 

 for a club. 



" I found some mustache cosmetic in 

 foil, lying on your dresser last night," said 

 the Microbe wrathfully, " and it required 

 2 hours' work and lots of soap and water 

 to get the black out of my mustache, after 

 I had waxed it." 



Paresis found a soft, grassy spot and 

 carefully lay down there. " That was my 

 graphite chain lubricant," he explained, 

 and then went off into what closely re- 

 sembled a fit. 



Microbe remembered that wood was 

 scarce and rambled away in search of 

 some. 



His quest must have been a hard one, for 

 he did not return until the others were 

 asleep. 



" Well," said Paresis Rafferty, gazing at 

 his reflection in the mirror, " I flatter my- 

 self that I appear quite distingue." 



And he carefully adjusted the cocked hat 

 to his head and strapped a cavalry sabre 

 to his waist. 



'Yes: no well regulated dime museum 

 should be without one of you," observed 

 the Microbe, who wore a tabard with the 

 coat of arms of Richard III. over his black 

 sweater, and whose head was encased in 

 a property helmet with lowered visor, 

 through the bars of which he complacently 

 puffed a cigarette. 



Thereupon Paresis drew his sabre and 

 smote the Microbe over the head with the 

 flat thereof, who, disentangling his trusty 

 and rusty blade from his legs, was about to 

 respond similarly when the peacemaker, in 

 the form of the Novice, clad in pajamas and 

 a lamp shade ballet skirt, appeared on the 

 scene. 



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