THE COLONELS VICTORY. 



3»5 



"Well," said Starchy, "if Recreation is 

 such a hummer why don't you start out and 

 canvass for it a while? People would fall 

 over one another to subscribe for it." 



"Canvass be blovved! I can get all the 

 canvassing 1 want under that sun-baked, 

 high-pressure, sub-tropical bit of duck over 

 there!" He waved his hand in the direc- 

 tion of the tent, and cast at it a contempt- 

 uous look. 



"But I'll tell you what," the Colonel con- 

 tinued, "if I wanted to take orders . for 

 this magazine, I could get 40 subscribers 

 right over in Wickers ! Yes, you bet your 

 collar button I could !" 



"Bet you a tenner you couldn't get 20." 



"Done! Now dry up !" 

 ' The Colonel continued his reading un- 

 molested, while the rest of us smoked, and 

 overhauled our fishing tackle. 



The next morning the Colonel started 

 for Wickers as soon as we had eaten break- 

 fast. 



"I'll show you chaps," said he, "that even 

 the Wickers folk know a good thing when 

 they see it." 



We offered to accompany him and give 

 him our moral support, but he scorned the 

 proposition. 



"I know you fellows," said he. "About 

 the time I should succeed in convincing a 

 man that he could not do business without 

 my magazine, one of you would chip in 

 with some palaver, and upset the whole 

 thing. I understand human nature and 

 how to get on the right side of people, and 

 you don't. You stay here and fish." 



This was like the Colonel ; he thinks he 

 has all the wisdom of the sages, and a lot 

 that hasn't yet been patented. 



He was gone all day, and when he 

 showed up about sunset, he was singularly 

 reticent about his canvassing. When Wig- 

 gles tackled him about it, he merely said, 

 he guessed he had done a fair day's work. 



So he had. The next morning a bright 

 lad who sometimes furnished us witl* 

 bait, was over to the camp ; and when 

 the Colonel had betaken himself to his 

 favorite haunts down the river, the boy 

 told us all about it. He had happened to 

 be in the store where the Colonel had tried 

 to get his first subscriber, and as the show 

 was eminently satisfactory, he had followed 

 the amateur book agent on his rounds 

 through the village. 



The Colonel had first tackled the princi- 

 pal store, where a weather-beaten sien in- 

 formed a credulous public that "Aaron 

 Rush, dealer in dry goods and groceries," 

 did business within. The proprietor was 

 sitting on his front steps, sorting over 

 some dried-up lemons and oranges. 



"Good morning, Mr. Rush," said the 

 Colonel, going straight at the business in 

 hand; "I have here a sportsmen's maga- 



zine which I should like to have you look 

 at if you have time. Living in such a de- 

 lightful region, you probably take an in- 

 terest in hunting, fishing, and other out- 

 door sports, and " 



"Don't want it. Never hunt nor fish 

 none, myself." 



"But you may have a son who is a lover 

 of Nature, and who would be glad to have 

 you subscribe for him. Please look at it. 

 Here, you see, are fine illustrations by the 

 best photographers and artists in the 

 country. Then the reading matter is far 

 superior to that found in most publications 

 of its class, while its various departments 

 are replete with accurate and detailed in- 

 formation useful to everybody. Here, for 

 instance, is a valuable article on foods. As 

 a dealer in provisions, you will certainly 

 be interested in this department." 



"No use for it. Never read none myself, 

 and don't see no good in it." 



"But your wife might like it," persisted 

 the Colonel. "Recreation numbers a great 

 many ladies among its regular subscribers." 



"Now, see here, young man," said the 

 merchant, tossing a decayed lemon into the 

 street, "I've told you 2 or 3 times that I 

 don't want your blanked magazine ! Can u 

 you understand ?" 



"Certainly, sir, but I thought perhaps 

 you might change your mind after looking 

 the book over." 



"Well I never change my mind for noth- 

 ing, 'specially for no dum book agent." 



"Probably not. If you did change it oc- 

 casionally, perhaps you might get a better 

 one in the end." The Colonel was mad, 

 and began to get reckless in his talk. 



"Now look here, young feller," said the 

 grocer, starting up : "I won't take none of 

 your sass ! You jest git out of here about 

 as quick as you know how !" 



"All right, I'm going. Guess there don't 

 many people bother you. Now that I think 

 of it, this is the place where I bought some 

 wormy crackers and mouldy cheese, the 

 other day. f The fly-specks on your sugar 

 barrels spell 'lonesome,' and the dust and 

 cobwebs on your showcases remind me 

 of the inside of a Digger Indian's hut." 

 The Colonel went down the steps, leaving 

 the worthy grocer purple in face. 



"You — you — " was all he could say as he 

 shook his fist at the offender. It is a won- 

 der he didn't have an apoplectic fit. 



"All right, Mr. Rush, all right!" said 

 our depraved pard ; "I understand what 

 you mean. Good-by." 



But the Colonel was game, and as the 

 next place on his way was the millinery 

 shop presided over by the red haired young 

 woman, he dropped in to try his luck. 

 Here, again, he met defeat; for the milline,- 

 could see nothing of interest in the maga- 

 zine, and tee-heed at everything the Colo- 



