HOW SAM FLYNN WAS CURED OF OFFICE-SEEKING: 
JENNIE P. 
“You want to know how I got cured 
of orfis seekin’?” asked Sam Flynn, gulp- 
ing down his inclination to stammer with 
a mighty heave of his larynx. “Well, I'll 
tell you, ef you can stan’ my stuttering,” 
he said with a stress of sibilation not in- 
dicatable by type. 
“Sence I was er small boy I always hank- 
ered to hold an orfis, an’ arfter I growed er 
man, an’ see how comfortable people was 
what lived onter the public corncrib I jes- 
felt bound to git er public job. I knowed 
my stammerin’ was agin my running’ for 
orfis, but then I ’membered everyone had 
sumpin to pull him back. Besides, thar 
was er man up North what guaranteed I 
would never stammer so long ez I follered 
his advice, and all he wanted was $5. 
“I reasoned this er way: Ef I got an 
orfis I could afford to pay to get cured, 
so I made up my min’ to run for the orfis 
of magistrate in my destric. 
“°Fore the spring ‘lection I zerted my- 
self uncommon. I sat up all night any 
time with sick neighbors; I took er class 
in the Sunday school; an’, for all I was 
born tired, I went to 3 log-rollin’s. Arfter 
people foun’ out I was goin’ to run they 
was sholy kind. The encouragement they 
give me steadied me might’ly. Some of 
‘em would come over an’ hear me speak my 
speech I had ter make at the barbecue, an’ 
they helped me so I could get it off ’ithout 
stuttering a stut. 
“At larst I was ‘lected by a majority of 3 
over that slick, likely nigger, Sol Stanback. 
This was er plenty, for, ’lowin’ 2 for cheat- 
ing, which is always claimed in this dees- 
tric, I felt purty safe that there would be 
no contest. Now, I thought, I can risk 
that $5 an’ git cured an’ serve my fellow- 
citizens all the better. I borrowed $5 from 
my wife’s egg money, an’ sent it off the 
night after ‘lection to that feller up North 
what advertised that he could sho cure ef 
I’d do what he told me. Guarantee is a 
BUFORD, 
mighty big word, an’ that feller said p’int- 
edly he’d guarantee a cure ef I’d sen’ along 
$5. ’Twarn’t more’n 3 days arfter I sent 
for my cure ’fore I had a case to try. "Twas 
that same slick nigger what had run agin 
me; he was up for fightin’ another nigger. 
I allers will b’lieve ‘twas a put up job, for 
nobody looked mad at all. 
“Somehow, I seemed to get natchally 
confused an’ stuttery. Still, as I had noth- 
in’ agin Sol for runnin’ agin me, so I 
thought he oughtn’t to have anything agin 
me for beatin’ him. Sol sat lollin’ in his 
seat, showin’ no respec’ whatever to the 
court, so I said, quiet an’ composed, ‘Stan’ 
up,’ lookin’ plum’ at him. 
“He sot stark still, an’ laughin’ imperti- 
nent, he says, ‘My name ain’t Stan’up, it’s 
Stan’back.’ 
“*Stan’ up and behave youself,’ I said 
again; but I stuttered turrible this time, for 
I was gettin’ mad. Then he says, ‘Ef you 
talkin’ to me, you call me by my right 
name,’ and’ he jes’ wallered in his seat to 
make me madder. 
“By this time I was bilin’ an’ I far’ly 
roared out to him, ‘Stanback!’ Would you 
b’lieve it, that nigger jumped up so sudden 
an’ so straight that he tuk ’way all my 
senses? Thar I stood, sayin’, “Stan’— 
Stan’—Stan’ ’—an’ I couldn't get any fur- 
ther. All of er sudden I got giddy like 
an’ didn’t know any more. When I come 
to, I was at home, feelin’ pretty weak. That 
night I got my letter from the feller what 
was to cure my _ stutterin’.. My _ han’s 
fumbled, I was so anxious to get cured an’ 
get even with that impident Sol Stanback, 
but I got it open somehow. The letter 
looked mighty light an’ no ’count, but I had 
the guarantee on him an’ I felt right safe. 
Your dicsurnery ain’ got the words in it 
I said when I read this flabbergastin’ ad- 
vice : 
““Keep your durn mouth shet.” 
Stranger (overtaking native)—What’s the 
matter here? 
Every house for the last 10 
miles is closed, and you're the first person 
I’ve seen. 
Got the plague here? 
Native (whipping up his horse)—Nope. 
Autymobile race ter-morrer, an’ we're git- 
tin’ out o’ danger. 
Gedup !—Judge. 
