ANTOINE'S HEN SPECULATION. 



E. W. PARKER. 



Bon jour, hevery body! 'Spose you all 

 feel so wal I do — I'm glad me. I'm feel 

 yong like I was only t'irty ear ole, an I'm 

 hurry do my job juss a same as long tarn 

 ago when I'm tuk stent for chop home 

 cord hood in t'ree hour. An de tarn I'm 

 kip a smile on my contenance, for I hav one 

 boss speckleation on my hed, and I'magine 

 I can hear de monee jingle in my pocket 

 hevery tam I mak wiggle; but I learn one 

 new ting I never know before, an I'm find 

 out it is much hard work for raise som' 

 shicken. But he fetch bully price when 

 he get ripe, an noting so good for mak 

 happy lak dat merry monee musique. He 

 mak de hole worl move rond. He mak de 

 railrod go. He mak de ole mare go (I 

 read dat). He mak plentee Yankee come 

 on my great contree for live — and— he mak 

 de bully boss tam for all de Canadinee — 

 a-n-d he mak de pork and bean grow for 

 Antine. I'm glad for dat, and heveryting 

 gon all rat, long you get plentee monee. 

 But one ting I'm tole you I hav not ver 

 much of dat, and I'm gon ver short of 

 tobac, and spose heverybody not have more 

 monee I do — Bagosh de railrode will go 

 slow, and de street car will not be able to 

 pull hees lode mos half way up on top de 

 hill. 



Now I'm bodder so much for get de cash 

 all what I want dat I'm mak good eel medi- 

 tation. When I'm saw hood wit my arms 

 I work it wit my lied for mak plan for 

 more a heasy way for git along. Some tam 

 my hole lady tole me she's watch me when 

 I'm work, an I'm stan still an look on one 

 plas for 10 minit, an not mak a motion — 

 I was so loss to heveryting gon on ron my 

 dooryard. I can't beleve dat, but Mr. Edi- 

 son do juss a sam lak dat when he gon mak 

 his talk machine — so I'm tole. Wall, I'm 

 not do dat for noting for at de lass end of 

 dat 10 minit ah'm raise my eye and bah 

 gosh what you tink ole man, firs ting I see 

 was my little flock of hen stan ron dar on 

 one legs watch me saw hood and dat very 

 minit I'm get my hinspiration — I will go 

 on de hen bizness jus so tite I can jomp 

 and me I will be "reech man or buss." 



'An I trow my cap on de air 

 way op on de an ron on de house for 

 lay my prodjeck before my hole leddy. 

 She's tole me he's too busy to hear my 

 fool notion. She's cant stop fry his nut- 

 cake and wase he's time, but I'm slap my 

 laig and tell she for hole on a minit an 

 let hees nut-cake gon to grass for I'm 

 hatch a plan for mak it more monee he can 

 lug, an I mak yell hoora, hoora and trow 



my cap on top de cat and scare heem lak a 

 dev. Den she's tak off hees glasses an look 

 at me, and I no for sartin when he look 

 lak dat I'm hear somtings, so I prepare for 

 dat. Here twas it : 



"Antine? Be you crazy lunytick? Are 

 you one hole fools? Whas de matter come 

 on you? Go set down." Now I'm good 

 hand for dat, so I'm tak a chair. Den 

 ah splain to my dear hole pardner of my 

 jaw and sorrow — all my great projeck and 

 show heem my great henterprise. We will 

 hengage in de hen business an sell de pro- 

 duck on de City. Ah'll splain to heem also 

 dat I hav hevery confidence on dat, and if 

 she will tak hole wit me an carridge me 

 wit his help and device ah'll give him one- 

 fifth de profeet. Juss so quick she see one 

 shance for mak sometings she begin for be 

 sharp wit me, an she say it was not fair 

 for she to don half de work an not get but 

 one fifth de pay, den I argu dat I'm furnish 

 all the capitle — I own de stock an of course 

 can't afford to go snuck even, but I lay low 

 for de ole lady, and put a new bait on my 

 hook, and ah catch heem de firs trow. I 

 tole him I would give him one eighth if he 

 will help me, and he was perfeck satisfy 

 and she close de trade rat off. Now ah'm 

 tole you my skeem, but you mus not tell 

 dat — it is not wise for kill de busnis. Firs 

 1 went on de barn and find it one ole keg- 

 nail and feex straw on hees bottom, half 

 full. Nex I'm gon tak 4 dozen haig and 

 put i'm on top dat, and pack him all close 

 togedder and do good job. Den I'm drive 

 all mv flock in de pen — I have 6 good 

 one — Coaching Chinaman dey call him — an 

 de rooster. All good wan for de sit down 

 busnes. So I'm seleck dat one I lak bess 

 for dat job — nace hole biddy — an ah mak 

 little speech to heem and tell it I hav fine 

 little job for 2 tree week mebby — jus 

 de sam work lak I do myself. Den I'm 

 shoo him all in one corner and put out my 

 arm and squat down for catch him and mak 

 grab for dat. I'm not suckseed. Dat very 

 biddy I want jomp it rat over my hed and 

 flop his wing and ron lak I never see be- 

 fore. Now what I can do ? I gon call my 

 little boy for come dar and bring his dog. 

 He like well dat fun too, and we go for 

 dat bird somore. Ah'm tell heem my little 

 Jo, fer hole his dog and go slow and min 

 his eye, and I tell my hen " Sho, Sho, 

 biddy; chuck, chuck, he— a — sy now and we 

 bote grab again. Dis tam he tak new tic- 

 tax and scoot ee'm rat out tween our feets ; 

 dat hen do an ron jomp on de fence 

 over de pile cordwood and he's crow at me. 



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