12 BOOK OF A HUNDRED BEARS 



for mechanical purposes, are you not?" ^^Yes," 

 said the druggist. ^^Well, I want this for mechan- 

 ical purposes." The druggist wrote ^^mechanical 

 purposes." Bill signed, and the druggist delivered 

 six bottles of beer. ^^By the way," said the 

 druggist, "what mechanical purpose do you want 

 that beer for?" Bill fixed the beer under his arm 

 and looked the druggist firmly in the eye. "I 

 want it to grease a buggy." 



I suppose, like myself, you have wondered why 

 republican conventions never sit in Denver. I 

 will reveal the secret. It is because telephone 

 communication between Denver and Washington 

 is too remote and unsatisfactory. Fancy a per- 

 sonally conducted republican national convention 

 without a direct wire to the White House. To 

 illustrate: I was once chosen a delegate to a 

 national republican convention. Three astute 

 gentlemen, sitting in an upper room of an hotel — 

 gentlemen who had cheerfully taken charge of 

 the state convention and relieved the delegates of 

 their labors — chose me. A kindly railroad, fearful 

 of the strain on my finances, sent me a pass. 



