THE SOUTHERN PLANTER. 



559 



A Paper on Swine. 



[Read before the Committee of the Worcester 

 (Massacliusetts) Agricultural Society.] 



Mr. President and Gentlemen, — With in- 

 stinctive modesty I appear before you as 

 Chairman of the Committee on Swine, deeply 

 feeling, as I do, the responsibilities of the posi- 

 tion! have unwittingly, and I fear unwisely, 

 assumed ; but, gentlemen, relying on your well- 

 known courtesy, I have endeavoured faithfully, 

 and to the best of my ability, to discharge the 

 task which you have assigned me. 



It is placing one in a very awkward predica- 

 ment, to be invited out to a dinner or evening 

 party, and when the ices or jellies have disap- 

 peared, to receive a quiet intimation from host 

 or hostess, that the time is arrived when he is 

 expected to be exceeding funny. . Such a hint, 

 however deliberately administered, would chill 

 the heart of the merriest, and banish evei'y 

 thought of jest or humour, unless, like the 

 farmer's farrow cow, the luckless individual 

 possess the faculty of never dryingup, but is 

 ever prepared to give down fun, frolic, and 

 comical stories the whole year round. 



The traditions of the past, the hallowed usages 

 of days gone by, all point to the report of the 

 Pig Committee, as the peculiar and proper ve- 

 hicle for fun in the celebration of our Society. 

 Prosy we dare not be, merry we would be ; but 

 the tricksy spirit which inspires with wit and 

 humour is coy indeed, and comes not always at 

 bidding, though wooed never so ardently. VV it 

 ifun, and frolic are like the dew-drops that 

 sparkle and glitter in the bright sunlight but 

 for a moment ; sprite-like they come and 

 go — whence or whither no one knows. After 

 an earnest invocation to the Deity of Fun, that 

 she will grant me a few ideas which may inter- 

 est or amuse you, I proceed with the subject. 



Historically, socially, and gastronomically, 

 the pig demands our careful attention. The 

 connection with commerce, with the cuisine, 

 and even with the great interest of fire insu- 

 rance, have all made him an object of particular 

 regard. In the early days of the Celestial Em- 

 pire — as we learn from the veracious writings 

 of the witty and voracious essayist, Charles 

 X,amb — a wealthy Chinaman was so unfortu- 

 nate as to have his dwelling destroyed by fire. 

 Prowling around the smoking ruins, and seek- 

 ing to save some of his valuables which the 

 conflagration might have spared, his hand came 

 in contact with the smoking remains of a poor 

 pig which had perished in the flames; instantly, 

 smarting with the pain, he carried his hand to 

 his mouth, when a peculiar flavour greeted his 

 palate, such as the gods (Chinese ones I mean, 

 of course) might in vain have sighed for. Re- 

 gardless of pain he applied himself once more, 

 and drew forth from the smoking cinders the 

 remains of the pig. Carefully brushing off" the 

 ashes, he regaled him-self v^nth the feast before 

 him, but closely preserved the secret he had 



learned In a few short months, however, the 

 taste for roast pig came back so strong, that 

 John Chinaman's house was burned down 

 again, and again was a pig found in the ashes. 

 This was repeated so often that the neighbours 

 grew suspicious, and watched until they as- 

 certained that the reason for the conflagration 

 was the feast that invariably followed. Once 

 out, the secret spread like wildfire ; every 

 hill-top shone with the flames of a burning 

 habitation — every valley was blackened with 

 the ashes of a homestead ; but roast pig was 

 dearer to a Chinaman than home or honour, 

 and still the work of destruction went on. 

 Alarmed at a course which bid fair to ruin 

 every insurance office in the empire, the direc- 

 tors petitioned in a body to the General Court 

 of China, for the passing of an Act that should 

 arrest the evil and avert their threatened ruin ; 

 and a careful examination of the revised statutes 

 of China would probably show stringent reso- 

 lutions against the crime of burning houses for 

 the sake of roasting pigs. 



Since the invention of the modern cooking 

 stove, however, although incendiarism has de- 

 creased only in a slight degree, still it has ceased 

 to be attributed to this cause, and a juicy crack- 

 ling is no longer suggestive of fallen rafters or 

 a houseless family. 



There is an old adage, " Give a dog a bad 

 name, and his ruin is accomplished.'' Such 

 may be true of the canine race ; but the noble 

 family of animals of which I am treating furn- 

 ishes a striking illustration that the proverb 

 applies not to their numbers. A goose, it is 

 said, saved lordly Rome by its cackling ; and 

 had not their list of Divinities just then been 

 full, a grateful people would have found for 

 him a sedgy pool and quiet nest in Olympus. 

 How did the ancestors of that same people repay 

 the pig for a service scarcel}'^ less important ? 



The veriest smatterer in the classics knows? 

 that, when from flaming Troy, iEneas the 

 great Anchises bore," seeking in strange lands 

 a new home for his conquered people, a white 

 sow, attended by thirty white little pigs, pure 

 as herself, pointed out to him the scene of his 

 future empire. But what did he and his peo- 

 ple do for the pig in return ? Did they load 

 him with Iionours ? Did they cherish him with 

 corn? Did they treat him with respect ? No ! 

 with black ingratitude, which still merits the 

 indignation of every admirer of the pig, they 

 affixed to the animal the appellation of ''Par- 

 ens;" and " poor cuss" the pig would have been 

 to the present day, had not the Latin tongue 

 long since ceased to be the language of the 

 world. But " poor cuss" he is no longer, when 

 I in Worcester county he spurns his classic name, 

 and, adopting the vernacular, he "grows the 

 whole hog," that he may " pork us," in return 

 I for the care which we bestow upon him. 



For the sake of our farmers, who are anxious 

 : to make a profit from pig-raising, it is greatly 

 I to be regretted that the thirty-at-a-litter breed, 



