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THE NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC MAGAZINE 



game of after-dinner speaking is one that 

 I have never played very much ; so I said 

 to myself, "It will be a good thing to 

 study up on the rules of the game." 



So last week I went up to New York 

 and had an opportunity to attend a din- 

 ner there at which were present a num- 

 ber of distinguished speakers. The first 

 gentleman on the program was a bishop, 

 and he made a splendid speech. I said 

 to myself, "If it is necessary for me to 

 speak like that I might as well give up 

 trying to play this game." But as the 

 evening wore on I began to discover 

 things. I found out after a little bit that 

 this man had been stealing the speeches 

 of all the men who were to follow him 

 on the program ; and not only that, but. 

 according to the statements of the other 

 speakers, he had not only stolen their 

 ideas, but he expressed them better than 

 they could express them themselves. 

 "Well," said I, "if a man is permitted to 

 steal the speeches of all the other men 

 on the program, it is an easy job." So 

 when I heard that among the speakers 

 this evening were some of our most dis- 

 tinguished men, including the President 

 of the United States, I said to myself, 

 "This will be an easy job. I will steal 

 their speeches and I will present them 

 better than they could present them 

 themselves." 



But unfortunately the novice often 

 learns some other rule that is equally 

 as important. In this case the rule I 

 overlooked was the rule that provides an 

 arrangement of the speakers on the pro- 

 gram. Instead of being on first, so that 

 I could steal their speeches, I have been 

 put on last, with the result that all the 

 speech I was going to make they have 

 made ; and, as usual in banquets, accord- 

 ing to rule, they have said it a great deal 

 better than I could say it myself. 



But I have discovered one other rule 

 that is customary in this game, and that 

 is to choose the subject which is appro- 

 priate to the occasion ; and another rule : 

 confine your remarks strictly to the sub- 

 ject. Therefore I chose for my subject 

 this evening "geography." I shall con- 



fine my remarks more particularly to 

 that branch of geography which I dis- 

 covered on the front of a book once in 

 my father's library. The book was en- 

 titled "The Geography of the Heavens." 

 I am not certain now whether the book 

 treated of astronomy or whether it was 

 a book on theology. Eor my part I 

 steered clear both of astronomy and 

 theology ; and, in order to keep off the 

 ground that might have been covered in 

 that book, it is my intention to turn the 

 subject exactly upside down, and instead 

 of viewing it from the ground I will 

 view geography from the heavens. 



The ways and means of studying 

 the earth from above have now become 

 pretty well known. Some of the uses 

 which may be expected to be derived 

 from the aeroplane and similar instru- 

 ments have been told you very well by 

 our distinguished friend, General Wood. 

 The real uses of the aeroplane in warfare 

 are so much better known to him and 

 have been so much better presented that 

 I shall not attempt to take up your time 

 with that. The advantages of knowing 

 what the enemy is doing, with the conse- 

 quent advantage of being able to con- 

 centrate your own troops at the critical 

 spot — the advantage of rising high in 

 the air for the purpose of determining 

 the accuracy of gun-power and giving 

 appropriate directions for carrying on 

 work of that kind — are so well known 

 that it is useless for me to take it up 

 now. 



The leading nations of the earth are 

 taking up the subject, our own nation 

 being the first of all to begin it. But, 

 unfortunately, there seems to be some 

 hesitation at present. I do not know 

 exactly what the trouble is. I presume 

 possibly that if we were to apply the 

 parable of the talents we would possibly 

 arrive at something near the present situ- 

 ation. The Department probably feels 

 that with the small equipment it now has 

 it is useless to do anything. On the other 

 hand, Congress seems to feel that unless 

 something is done with the equipment 

 already on hand it is useless to appropri- 



