NOTES FROM ST. FEREOL DE PONSONBY. 



KWEERKUS AND FREE LANCE HAVE A TILT OVER OLD SUBSTITUTION, AND O. S. GETS BADLY WORSTED 



IN THE TOURNAMENT IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE MEDIUM OF POETRY BE USED 



BY OLD SUBSTITUTION FOR HIS SOPHISTRY. 



VOLUMINOUS letter recently 

 received from a southwestern 

 city discusses nomenclature 

 and substitution in an exhaust- 

 ive manner. The tone of the 

 letter occasionally lapses into 

 asperity, which proves that the 



feelings of the writer are seri- 

 ously engaged in his subject. 



My friend, whom, in a spirit of premeditated substi- 

 tution I shall call Mr. Kweerkus, takes occasion to say, 

 with blunt decision, that the above mentioned topics 

 "have become very tiresome." That they should have 

 become "tiresome" in certain quarters is not at all sur- 

 prising, and it is quite cheering to be told that such is 

 the case, for that result was the main object kept in view 

 when the agitation was first started. 



As to the discussion being "worn out," that happy 

 consummation will only come to pass when those whose 

 practices gave it a raisoii d'etre shall have mended their 

 ways. Alphonse Karr's reply to an ardent advocate for 

 the abolishment of the death penalty was apt. "All 

 very well, my dear friend, but let the murderers begin 

 first." Let both careless and tricky florists cease to 

 practice substitution, then customers will cease to dis- 

 cuss it. Mr. Kweerkus brings his highly entertaining 

 communication to a close with a short string of terse, 

 epigrammatic sentences, which are well worth the digni- 

 fied title of floristical maxims ; 



" Half the time, customers don't know what they 

 want. " 



' ' When they order novelties and are disappointed, the 

 florist is not to blame." 



" Substitution is no robbery." 



"The florist is not responsible for the ignorance of 

 amateurs. " 



" Errors, as a rule, are due to accident." Etc., etc. 



When viewed from a single standpoint, these maxims 

 are somewhat frisky and misleading. Take, for instance, 

 one of them, and subject it to a little judicious comment. 

 Amateurs do not complain of substitution when prac- 

 tised in the legitimate way, common to all respectable 

 dealers ; that is to say, when the variety demanded is 

 not in stock, another of equal or superior merit is sent 

 instead, with its correct name attached. For example. 

 White Baroness could bo quite appropriately sent in 

 place of Mabel Morrison, or Merveille de Lyon in place 

 of White Baroness. No reasonable person could object 

 to such changes, and under such circumstances substi- 



tution would be no robbery. But when a plant is sent 

 bearing the name of the variety ordered, and eventually 

 proves to be a totally different and inferior sort, such as 

 a Mad. Plantier in place of Merveille de Lyon, then 

 substitution is virtual robbery. The customer is robbed 

 of the difference in value, and what is still more galling 

 and flagrant, he is robbed of all the exquisite pleasure 

 the genuine plant would have conferred upon him. 



From a certain point of view, Mr. Kweerkus's maxims 

 are desperately funny, though as specimens of hilarious 

 literature they can never hope to compete with their 

 prototype — philosophy — in its well-known proverbial 

 form ; for those serio-comic nuggets of compressed wis- 

 dom have established for themselves a reputation for 

 sedate jollity difficult to surpass. Stil), after all, Mr. 

 Kweerkus should not feel too despondent ; his maxims 

 may in time conquer that high position to which their 

 sententious, platitudinarian merits so richly entitle them- 



In the meantime, while patiently awaiting the fruition 

 of that brilliant future, would it not be well to make a 

 temporary use of such rich and inviting material. If 

 Mr. Kweerkus will deign to accept a suggestion from 

 such an humble source, I think I feel justified in recom- 

 mending him to offer them to a certain restricted class 

 of florists as appropriate mottoes to hang up in their 

 packing rooms. They would, without doubt, quickly 

 supersede that ancient device, " Necessity is the mother 

 of invention, " which has so long been the guiding star 

 of a few versatile tradesmen, whenever orders came 

 rushing in for varieties of plants of which they had none 

 in stock. Elaborately embroidered on parti-colored 

 wool (emblematic of the mixed condition of their plants), 

 on gilt card-board (whose brassy gleam would fitly 

 symbolize the dealer's cheek), these hope-giving mot- 

 toes ought to prove extremely popular in the lower 

 walks of floristical life. 



Just fancy the harrowing condition of an ambitious 

 and enterprising florist, almost driven to desperation by 

 showers of upbraiding letters from furious customers, 

 complaining that he had sent them the very plants they 

 didn't want ; that his moonflowers had turned out to be 

 Dutchman's pipes ; that his snow white gladioli were 

 blood red ; that his double hollyhocks were painfully 

 single, and his novelties in general a hybrid collection 

 of antique chestnuts, etc. ! 



What unspeakable consolation would be conferred 

 upon such an unhappy man by a cheering motto like 

 " The Florist is not to Blame for the Ignorance of Ama- 

 teurs." The bracing influence of such reassuring doc- 

 trine could not fail to fortify his moral faculties, and 



