676 



TARRYTOU'N LETTERS. 



a pike-staff, that the scores of plats represented, 

 flat as Turkish rugs on the ground, and more lovely, 

 were strikingly unlike each other. The success was 

 immense and the applause deafening. 



"Now," said Mrs. Tarryer, smiling benignantly, 

 ' 'it scarcely need be pointed out to you, that although 

 it may once have been considered good botany and 

 even business — of a doubtful sort — to neglect these 

 most interesting and valuable varieties of perennial 

 forage, it cannot be so any longer. No man — what- 

 ever his station — can afford to take agricultural 

 money and shirk the duty or labor of providing these 

 distinct and fixed types of grasses with names fit to 

 pass current everywhere. It would be rank infidel- 

 ilty to the foundation arts of husbandry and the best 

 interests of society to leave our enormous grass in- 

 dustries — in lack of exact names — a prey to quacks 

 and charlatans any longer! Yon, young men," 

 the speaker said with emphasis, " should see to this 

 matter at once." 



Right here was a change : Mrs. Tarryer sat down, 

 and the reporters will have it that M'Tavish began 

 to speak, but I vow it was Uncle Sam, though I 

 admit that M'Tavish wore that day one of the late 

 Col. Schnipticket's blue swallow-tail coats with brass 

 buttons, which he filled remarkably well, and did 

 bear some faint resemblance to U. S. But do take 

 notice of what he said ; the flask of apple brandy 

 — cool process — he had in his pocket in the morn- 

 ing will not explain all of it : 



"Friends and feller citizens ! I'm right glad to 

 be with you here ! We've sarched these states 

 through without finding a garding before reely fit 

 for a woman to go into, and here we see she owes 

 that perfection to herself ! Brother Jonathan and 

 me hev just returned from a tower among the spear- 

 mint stations, as you call 'em, and I tell you, they 

 are weedy ! Not one farmer in five thousand — 

 bar'in genelmen present who can see what is before 

 'em — know what it is to make land clean enough 

 for a crop of flax ! Gar'ners are wus, and ig'nant 

 capital is holdin' land for a rise, growin' weeds in- 

 stid o' grass. This has gone on till the lads of your 

 stations think weediness is manly and fashnab'l. I 

 wish you to understand, friends, that idee' never did 

 and never will tallow ! Brother Jonathan and me 

 want word to go out as soon as next Christmas when, 

 4s a matter of course, we shall all mean well by 

 posterity — that next summer, after fly-time, if any 

 sign of weediness is found around any spearmint 

 station, that everything of the male sect, approach- 

 ing or past the age of puberty at said station, shall 

 be sterilized ! We must have better public exam- 

 ples anyhow ! For my part, I ." 



Here the band struck up " Hail to the Chief" 

 with vigor, and I lost sight of Uncle Sam, or 

 M'Tavish, whichever it was, 'till thepeople were scat- 

 tered about the garden, when the latter appeared 

 in fine feather, with a large following of farmers, 

 gardeners and practical men, he explaining the dif- 

 ferent plats of grass with great volubility; and they 

 say now he is going to run for Congress. Down 

 under the seats of the grand-stand I picked up an 

 armful of experiment station reports, with leaves 

 turned down at "Botanical Division," "Experi- 

 ments with Grass," "Plat Tests," etc., and pass- 

 ages marked, which showed that somebody had ob- 

 served the prevalence of weeds and the mortality 

 among grasses at those seats of learning, and was 

 going for them with a rush. 



Brass bands are good things for regulating un- 

 certainties in public meetings — don't forget it ! Our 

 show passed off charmingly. Mrs. Tarryer is still 

 receiving letters full of grief from eminent men who 

 couldn't be there. Several children have already 

 been baptized Ovina, Trivialis, Glyceria, Holcus 

 and the like mellifluous names, on account of her 

 "Late Melon Party," and besides, quite accident- 

 ally as it were, there has been a wonderful increase 

 of industry and intelligence in regard to weediness 

 and grass culture. There is nothing like indirect 

 teaching and object-lessons for educating the masses. 



P. S. from Mrs. Tarryer : — 



" Dear Mr. Editor : Dr. Tarryer is usually very 

 correct, but he is an artist by his iiiipressiofis, and the 

 day he wrote this letter he was suffering from a re- 

 turn of "/rt Grippe" and heavy doses of quinine, so 

 that, although the tout ensemble of his work is ex- 

 cellent, as far as it goes, some of the details are 

 exaggerated and might be misunderstood. Every- 

 body hereabouts knows that our house is as open as 

 " Pigs in Clover" and all that cared to know, knew 

 that Messrs. Camperdown and M'Tavish were in 

 training for the parts mentioned. The latter gentle- 

 man had a good deal on his mind, of coiasc, and is 

 liable to get excited, but Mrs. M'Tavish had se- 

 cured the flask referred to, and dropped it through 

 the platform and broke it previous to her husband's 

 speaking. We found the music useful, certainly. 

 M'Tavish has all the seal of a recent convert and no 

 patience with the work of the stations. We feared, 

 if he was allowed to go on much further, he might say 

 something that would not be pleasant for the friends 

 with us connected with those adjnirable but slow 

 wrt/z^r/^o- institutions. Mr. Camperdown's remarks, 

 in the character of Brother Jonathan, were 7nuch 

 more agreeable. Several of the young gardeners, 

 scientists and clergymen called attention to the ex- 



