66 



FOREST AND STREAM. 



[Aua 14, 1890. 



he &porte$timt %onmi 



MR. RASTUS'S EXPERIENCE.— I. 



My Dear Forest and Stream: 



I aupuose T ought to tell you bow I came into possession of the 

 inclosed manuscript. The original writer intended to sond it to 

 you, but when it was done he was too modest, and only showed it 

 to his friend, Dr. Pillule. Pillule took it home and showed it to 

 Maj. O'Glory, who m turn showed it to Judge Factum. The judge 

 (who, 1 am afraid, would if he dared, have adjourned the court at 

 any time and allowed every case before him to stand over till the 

 nest term for the chance of catching a oj^lbe. trout) had it inti- 

 mated to the writer that it ought to be printed as the warning it 

 was meant to be. The writer of it was tickled enough and replied 

 that the judge might get it published if he could, provided he 

 would change the names, because he did not wish to have his 

 brother-in-law or his brother-in-law's brother feel hurt at any- 

 thing he had said about them. So the judge sent it to me, know- 

 ing! was an occasional correspondent of yours. Therefore, you 

 can use it if you like without any hesitation, since every one of 

 the names have been changed so that they are totally unlike the 

 originals. Otherwise the MS. is just as I received it.— G. de Mon- 



TAUBAN. 



Editor Forest and Stream: 



Tom, ray brother-in-law, with whom I board, takes 

 your paper, and as it is constantly lying about I have 

 sometimes picked it up and read some of the stories in it. 

 The tales told by some of your correspondents about the 

 delights of going into the woods, living in camps, catch- 

 ing fishes and similar things, of course I was never goose 

 enough to believe, and now that I have learned for my- 

 self what a miserable delusion they all are, I wish to 

 express my disgust and also to remonstrate with you for 

 printing such stuff. I do not know how I can do it more 

 effectually than by telling you my experience. 



My profession is that of compiler of almanacs, and as 

 in its exercise my general health and my eyesight had 

 become impaired, my physician ordered me six months' 

 rest. For a good many years I have taken a two- weeks' 

 rest every summer down on Cape Cod, along with my 

 sister Bess. But last year Bess took it into her foolish 

 head to get married. She and her husband let me live 

 with them; and I got along very well until about two 

 months ago. Then there came a baby and the house 

 wasn't big enough for us. It was too small even when I 

 was away all day about my business, but when I bad to 

 give up work it was ten times as small as before, and I 

 didn't know what to do with myself. I couldn't afford 

 to travel, besides hating railroads and steamships any- 

 way; but I could not stand it at 249th street either, with 

 a baby in the house that required all Bess's attention 

 from morning till night, and I not able to read. It was 

 hard lines for a man who never did anything in his life 

 that did not involve reading. Tben there was Tom's 

 mother, who was around almost all the time and who had 

 no consideration at all for my comfort. I spoke about 

 this to one of my acquaintances, and he said I needn't 

 feel surprised, for widows always thought bachelors had 

 no rights that they were bound to respect. And yet some- 

 times she was extremely kind and pleasant and mended 

 my stockings and sewed on by buttons with great care 

 and enthusiasm. Bess had done those things for a good 

 while. When she was about five years old and I was 

 twenty-five I used to take care of her, but by the time 

 she was ten she commenced taking care of me and has 

 been keeping it up ever since. We got along nicely till 

 Tom came around. 



The doctor said I must go somewhere. I didn't want 

 to go anywhere, for 1 couldn't afford to travel, and I de- 

 test the country and hate horses and cows and pigs with 

 perfect hatred. New York is the only city where a man 

 can live in peace and quiet; and I was very comfortable 

 in 249th street until that blessed baby introduced himself 

 and pushed me out. I thought at one time of going to 

 Calcutta on a sailing vessel, of which a kind of second 

 cousin twice removed was captain, only that the sea 

 always makes me so deathly sick. My "brother-in-law, 

 who had always heretofore minded his own business and 

 never minded about me, now took an unusual interest in 

 my health, and suggested a great many places for me to 

 go to. One day it occurred to me that he wasn't so very 

 particular where I went if I would only go. 



One Sunday morning he was reading your paper, as 

 usual, when he suddenly turned to me and exclaimed. 

 "Just the thing for you, Erastus. Go up to Scatterabang 

 and spend a month with my brother Bill. He is all alone 

 and can take you in as well as not. It won't cost you a 

 cent for anything but railroad fares and your share of the 

 grub." 



I asked for explanations, and found that Scatterabang 

 was away up in some unexplored part of Canada and that 

 Bill had a fishing camp up there where he spent the sum- 

 mer. It was in the woods, five miles away from any 

 house, and nobody ever went there except for hunting or 

 fishing. 



Now Bess knows perfectly well that I never fired a gun 

 or caught a fish in my life, but she agreed with her hus- 

 band that this was just the place for me. To make a long 

 story short, between them they packed me off. Bass 

 showed more interest in my clothes and spent more time 

 in making over two pairs of old trousers into one than 

 she had done before since her baby was born. Tom's 

 mother gave me a large piece of flannel to put on my 

 bowels and a bottle of camphorated spirits. They made 

 out a written schedule of my route, bought my tickets, 

 gave me a letter of introduction to Tom's brother and 

 sent me away. It was fifteen years or more since I had 

 been anywhere without Bess to look after me, see that I 

 took the right train and didn't lose my baggage; but as I 

 had only one change of cars to make and my valise was 

 checked through she was certain I should be all right. 

 Any way, it seemed as if I had to go, although I doubted 

 whether I should ever get anywhere. I found out how 

 much the car fare was, and as- Bess always took charge of 

 my money, I made her tie up the amount separately in 

 one of my stockings, so that I would be sure to have 

 enough to get back with in case of accident. I had 

 already had her mark my full name and residence on all 

 my clothing. 



I rode all day, and at night took a Bleeping car, which 

 several persons of whom I inquired told me would land 

 me at my destination according to the paper I showed 

 them. I scarcely ever rode in a sleeping car and am 

 suspicious of them, so I lay down in my boots and clothes, 

 at which the African in charge of the establishment was 

 much disgusted. I lay awake a good while, and had just 

 dropped into a doze, when he came round and shook me 



saying, "Be at in about five minutes, sir; only 



time to dress, sir," It didn't take me long to dress, hav- 



ing only to put on my hat and overcoat, so I was ready 

 very soon, and stood in the aisle of the car I suppose 

 about three-quarters of an hour till the train stopped, 

 and I was told that that was my station. I looked at my 

 watch and saw it was just 4 o'clock, a most unpleasant 

 time in the morning to get up. I got off and found my- 

 self at a little bit of a station, with not a soul about ex- 

 cept a little old man, who came up and began chattering 

 away at me in a lingo that I couldn't understand at all. 

 If it had been in Latin I might have made it out, or even 

 Greek if neatly written down. The baggage man de- 

 manded my check in exchange for my valise, and I gave 

 it him, and the train went away. There was not even a 

 station agent to look after passengers, but as I was the 

 only one there was, and they didn't seem to have even 

 one very often, I could not blame the agent, if there was 

 such a person, for not getting out of bed at such an un- 

 seemly hour to attend to me. 



The old chap kept talking and 1 kept looking at him. 

 At last I caught a word that sounded something like what 

 my brother-in-law had called his brother's place, although 

 not like what I called it from the way it was written 

 down. I showed the paper to the old man, but it did not 

 seem to enlighten him any; and no wonder, for I after- 

 ward learned that he couldn't read a word of anything, 

 much less my brother-in-law's handwriting. After a 

 while he began to say something that sounded a little like 

 "All right" and "cor-rect," and repeated the words so 

 many times that I followed him and my valise round to 

 where he had an awfully lean old horse and a shaky 

 vehicle that in some places I think is called a buckboard 

 We got in and the old horse rattled us away at a pace I 

 would not have thought the poor creature capable of. I 

 confess it was a nice pleasant morning, and after a little 

 it didn't seem so awfully early as I thought it was, and 

 before very long I was wondering why the people were 

 not up and about their business as we were. We drove 

 right away into the country over a tolerably good road, 

 and I rather liked the idea of being up to see the sun rise. 

 It would be something to write to Bess about. Indeed 

 the country looked rather nice. We came in sight of a 

 very high church spire that shone very prettily in the 

 morning light. I asked a number of questions but did 

 not altogether understand the answers, and I doubt even 

 if the man understood my questions. It is always sur- 

 prising to me that people will not learn to talk English. 

 We came to a river with a bridge over it, and the old 

 fellow stopped his horse and motioned to me to look at it. 

 I thought it was a nasty place in case the bridge should 

 break down. The water was away more than 100ft. 

 below us, black as ink and raving like mad between per- 

 pendicular stone walls awfully rough and jagged and 

 worn into horrid shapes by lai'ns and frosts and the like. 

 Tom's brother afterward told me that it is considered 

 very wonderful, and that people sometimes come many 

 miles to see it, though I don't see why they should. I 

 was glad when we got over the bridge', which was very 

 short, luckily for my nerves. 



We came to a house where the man pulled up and 

 signed to me to go in. A woman came and began talking 

 in a very loud voice, in what I suppose she thought was 

 English. I answered pretty loudly too; and the more we 

 didn't understand each other the louder we spoke. At 

 length she apparently did comprehend that I certainly 

 would like some breakfast, for she brought me some and 

 I ate it. I presume it was good for I felt much better 

 after it. The man then came round with another horse 

 and we drove away again for another hour or so. There 

 were some dark blue hills in the distance, that we gradu- 

 ally approached. They looked cool, and soft, and pleasant. 

 The man kept pointing to them with his whip, until I 

 made out that he meant to tell me that there was where 

 I was to go. 



We passed a good many houses that were not very big, 

 but apparently accommodated large families; and stopped 

 at one where my man talked a while with another man 

 and three women and nine or ten bare-legged children. 



Here it was that the troubles of which I wish to tell you 

 began. I will try to condense the account as much as 

 possible, not only because the full story of my sufferings 

 would be very long but because I like brevity. People 

 who disapprove of my predictions about the weather, or 

 object to other things in my almanacs, often write me, 

 and it frequently happens that their letters are so long 

 that I lack patience to read them through, and thus their 

 time is wasted. 



The man with the horse left me, and the other man 

 took my valise and coat and I followed. We went across 

 a lot of fields, over several fences, up and down some 

 gullies, and through many mud holes for about an hour. 

 When I was quite a young man I went on a pedestrian 

 tour through the White Mountains, and have counted 

 myself a good walker ever since, but following this man 

 was no joke. He made no more of my valise than if it 

 had been a feather. I kept hoping he would find it 

 heavy and want to stop to rest. We went down a hill 

 that was so steep and slippery that I had to sit down a 

 number of times when I didn't care to; and right away 

 had to go up another that was just as bad. How I 

 wished I was back in 249th street. We got done with 

 the fields and fences and went into the woods. I wanted 

 to ask how far we had to go, but what was the use of ask- 

 ing questions of a man who couldn't understand a word 

 I said to him? He kept on this way for about an hour 

 and a half more, and it was almost all up hill. There 

 was a kind of path and that was all. I got my boots 

 muddy, my feet horribly wet, and my clothes all sopping 

 with perspiration. My shirt collar was a mere string, 

 and I could feel streams running down my back and 

 dropping from my nose. I never was in such a condition 

 before in my life. I wondered how men could bring 

 themselves to write as they do about walking through 

 woods, stumbling over rocks and roots, and tumbling 

 over fallen logs. It might be pleasant enough if one 

 could be comfortable, for there was a pretty light among 

 the trees and some nice little brooks and high rocks. 

 Bess would have been delighted, but then she is silly 

 about such things. I would rather sit in my easy chair 

 and look at pictures of them. 



Just as I was going to make a desperate attempt to have 

 the man stop and let me rest a little, we came, to a sheet 

 of water what they would call a pond in New Hamp- 

 shire, but these ridiculous Canadians, I am told, call 

 everything bigger than a mud puddle a lake. I didn't 

 care what they called it if only I didn't have to walk any 

 more. 



The man put my valise and overcoat into aft old 



wooden concern very much like an overgrown hog trough, 

 and also put in a bunch of branches for me to sit on, for 

 there were about two inches of water in the bottom of the 

 thing and there was nothing to bail it out with. I sat as 

 still as I could, for I was dreadfully afraid of going over, 

 but somehow or other the branches slipped away and part 

 of me got very wet. I suppose the man was afraid of 

 getting wet, too, for instead of sitting down he stood up, 

 regardless of the danger of tipping over, and paddled 

 away. We went through narrow passages, under high 

 banks and among little islands that would have j>leased 

 Bess greatly, but I must say I took no pleasure in them. 

 This continued for what I thought must have been two 

 hours, for the cold water in which I was sitting was 

 creeping all over me. I was afraid to move, and almost 

 doubted whether the man had not some sinister design on 

 me. When we got done with the islands and out into 

 open water, he began talking and pointing with his pad- 

 dle, as if there was something to be seen, although my 

 weak eyes could not make out anything; but a little fur- 

 ther on I discovered that there was an opening in the 

 trees where there was something that looked like a build- 

 ing and two flags flying, one English and one American, 



I realized that this must be the end of my journey, but 

 when I came near enough to see that the building was 

 only a log cabin I most heartily wished I had never con- 

 sented to leave 249th street. I thought what a fool I had 

 been to leave my comfortable quarters (I forgot about the 

 baby), travel all day and part of a night in hot and dusty 

 cars, get up at 4 o'clock in the morning, been driven I 

 don't know how many miles, and walked I don't know- 

 how many more, lost by perspiration five or ten pounds 

 of flesh out of the little I had, and sat an hour at least in 

 a pool of awfully cold water, all to arrive at a log hut in 

 a wilderness, and to know that I couldn't get away from 

 it without going all through the same experience back- 

 ward. It consoled me a little to have found a man who 

 could talk English with me, for I am rather disposed to 

 rational conversation. 



My brother-in-law's brother did not give me much time 

 to ruminate on my situation, but hustled me into the 

 cabin, telling me to take a good wash and change my 

 clothes and then he would give me some breakfast. 

 Breakfast! Why, I had bad breakfast at what seemed 

 ten or twelve hours before. I looked at my watch and it 

 wanted five minutes of nine o'clock. Not five hours since 

 I had left that horrid train! And to think of all I had gone 

 through! And this man didn't seem to think any more 

 of my journey than if I had only just come downtown 

 on the elevated railroad. 



I was glad to wash, shave and change my clothes; but 

 when I opened my valise I found that Bess, directed, I 

 suppose, by that husband of hers, had not put me up a 

 decent thing to wear, nothing but old duds that had been 

 thrown away long ago, thick shirts such as I only wear in 

 winter and some new flannel ones that looked rather tidy, 

 but were not what I was ascustomed to. My brother-in- 

 law's brother, whom I may as well call Bill hereafter, for 

 short, brought me a cup of very nice hot coffee; and 

 when I had got through with my ablutions, his man 

 came in and set out a table with tin cups and plates 

 instead of crockery, and two fish that Bill said were trout 

 and told me to "put myself outside of." At home my 

 usual breakfast consists of two boiled eggs and a slice of 

 toast; but my trials had so upset me that I eat one fish 

 and half of another before I realized what I was doing. 



Bill said he was going away somewhere with his man 

 and that I had better take a nap until he came back to 

 dinner. He showed me what he called my bed, which 

 was nothing but a wooden bunk with a lot of branches 

 on it, no sheets, crailts nor pillow cases, nothing but a 

 woollen blanket. It was soft, however, and in spite of 

 my uncongenial surroundings I fell asleep and knew 

 nothing more until Bill came in again and showed me a 

 lot of fish strung on a stick, which I learned were trout 

 in their uncooked state. They were rather a pretty fish 

 and I am sure were digestible food, for I had experienced 

 no discomfort from those I had eaten in the morning, 

 although a small bit of boiled haddock is all the fish I 

 ever dare eat at a time. These trout were much larger 

 than those I used to have to eat when I went on my 

 White Mountain excursion so many years ago. One of 

 the young fellows with me at that time was an enthusi- 

 astic fisherman, and I remember that one day he put the 

 trout that he caught into a letter envelope and carried it 

 in his vest pocket. Consequently when I read in your 

 paper about trout weighing several pounds, I set it all 

 down as fisherman's romance. 



When Bill came in he ordered dinner. I was not very 

 hungry, which I was glad of when I found that the dinner 

 consisted only of baked beans and pork, with bread and 

 butter. When I was a boy I used to be very fond of pork 

 and beans: but of late years they have distressed me so 

 much that I have given up eating them. So there was 

 nothing to tempt me, only that Bill teased me so 

 much that at length I took a plateful, and tben a few more. 



After dinner Bill took one of the newspapers that I had 

 brought and lay down in a wooden hammock that he had 

 under a kind of shed close by the cabin. It was cool and 

 shady, and I sat by on a bench made of a log of wood and 

 did nothing. There was nothing I could do but look about, 

 and nothing to see except water and mountains and trees, 

 in which I am not interested. I found, however, that 

 green colors did not tire my eyes as the glare of the sun 

 on the ocean used to do at Cape Cod. By and by Bill got 

 up and busied himself with his fishing tackle, so I got 

 into the hammock and dropped asleep. Everything was 

 so dull and stupid I couldn't help it. 



The supper was not any more tempting to me than the 

 dinner had been. There was nothing but a kind of pan- 

 cake, eaten with maple sugar and btxtter or else with 

 marmalade. After all, they were not bad in the least. 

 The tea was very good, although the idea of drinking ib 

 out of tin cups was somewhat repulsive. 



After supper Bill wanted me to go out fishing with him, 

 and having nothing in the world to do I accepted, and 

 bitterly did I regret it afterward. We got into a punt and 

 the man rowed us out on to the lake. Bill stood up in the 

 boat and flourished about one of those long, flimsy fish- 

 ing rods with a line like a bit of thread and some things 

 that represented flies tied on it, but which did not look 

 like any flies I ever saw. He kept throwing them out 

 and pulling them back on each side of the boat. I thought 

 it the funniest fishing I ever saw. We had not gone far 

 before I became aware of some kind of a stinging insect 

 that was tormenting me, and found that the whole at- 

 mosphere wa,s full of a small black fly that attacked 



