6o 



MY LIFE 



[Chap. 



Whether or not this particular form of experience in my boy- 

 hood produced any permanent effect on my character I cannot 

 say, but the mere continuance of a painful dream for so many 

 years is in itself an evil, and must almost certainly have had 

 an injurious effect upon the bodily health. Even in my home- 

 life I was subject to impressions of the same general nature, 

 though far less severe. Many slight faults of conduct which had 

 been long overlooked were often suddenly noticed, and I was 

 ordered at once to change them. One such that I remember 

 was that I had been accustomed to use my spoon at table 

 with my left hand, when I was one day told to use my right. 

 No doubt I could have done this without much trouble, but 

 I seemed to feel that to make such a change would be singular, 

 would draw the attention of my brothers and sisters to me, 

 and would be a kind of confession of ignorance or clumsiness 

 which I could not make. I felt too much ashamed to do it. 

 I put down my spoon and waited, and when I thought no one 

 was looking, took it up again in the way forbidden. This was 

 said to be obstinacy, but to me it seemed something else which 

 I could hardly describe. However, the result was that I was 

 sent away from table up to my bedroom, and was ordered to 

 have my meals there till I would " do as I was bid." I forget 

 exactly how it ended, but I think I remained under this 

 punishment several days, and that it was only under the kind 

 persuasions and advice of my mother and sisters that I was at 

 length allowed to come down ; and this was the most terrible 

 ordeal of all, and when I actually took the spoon in my right 

 hand, I felt more hurt and ashamed than when I was sent 

 away from table. This is only an example of numbers of 

 little things of a similar character, which were treated in the 

 same rough and dogmatic manner, which was then almost 

 universal, and was thought to be the only way of training 

 children. HoWy exactly, to treat each case must depend upon 

 circumstances, but I think that a little mild ridicule would 

 have a better effect than compulsion. I might have been told 

 that, although we did not much care about it, other people 

 would think it very strange, and that we should then be 

 ashamed because people would say that we did not know 



