xvj MY CHARACTER AT TWENTY-ONE 227 



would read some old sermon, and when we did go we were 

 asked on our return what was the text. The only books 

 allowed to be read on Sundays were the " Pilgrim's Progress " 

 or Paradise Lost," or some religious tracts or moral tales, 

 or the more interesting parts of the Bible were read by my 

 mother, or we read ourselves about Esther and Mordecai or 

 Bel and the Dragon, which were as good as any story book. 

 But all this made little impression upon me, as it never dealt 

 sufficiently with the mystery, the greatness, the ideal and 

 emotional aspects of religion, which only appealed to me 

 occasionally in some of the grander psalms and hymns, or 

 through the words of some preacher more impassioned than 

 usual. 



As might have been expected, therefore, what little religious 

 belief I had very quickly vanished under the influence of 

 philosophical or scientific scepticism. This came first upon 

 me when I spent a month or two in London with my brother 

 John, as already related in my sixth chapter ; and during the 

 seven years I lived with my brother William, though the 

 subject of religion was not often mentioned, there was a per- 

 vading spirit of scepticism, or free-thought as it was then 

 called, which strengthened and confirmed my doubts as to 

 the truth or value of all ordinary religious teaching. 



He occasionally borrowed interesting books which I 

 usually read. One of these was an old edition of Rabelais' 

 works, which both interested and greatly amused me ; but 

 that which bears most upon the present subject was a re- 

 print of lectures on Strauss' " Life of Jesus," which had not 

 then been translated into English. These lectures were, I 

 think, delivered by some Unitarian minister or writer, and 

 they gave an admirable and most interesting summary of the 

 whole work. The now well-known argument, that all the 

 miracles related in the Gospels were mere myths, which in 

 periods of ignorance and credulity always grow up around all 

 great men, and especially around all great moral teachers 

 when the actual witnesses of his career are gone and his 

 disciples begin to write about him, was set forth with great 

 skill. This argument appeared conclusive to my brother and 



