6o 
the strand magazine . 
“I HOPE THEY Won’t SEND ME HACK LIKE 
THAT.” 
said, “ Well, I hope if I die and go to heaven, 
they won’t send me back like that. Ugh ! ” 
On another occasion I heard one youngster 
say to another, referring to the latter’s brother, 
who was not overpowered with beauty, “ Is 
that your new brother ? ” “ Yes,” was the 
reply. u Well, if he wasn’t your brother, 
would you have choosed him ? ” 
One of the most embarrassing situations in 
which I was ever placed was caused by a niece 
of mine, whose father was a clergyman, and 
whom 1 took to church for the first time. 
She did not in the least know what her father 
did, and for a long time did not observe him. 
But, after sitting quietly beside me for 
some time, hardly daring to raise her eyes, 
because I told her she must be quite quiet or 
she would not go to church again, she sud- 
denly, in the middle of the sermon, looked up 
and saw him and screamed, “ Auntie, look, 
there’s daddy up there 1 And whatever is 
he yelling about ? ” 
Which reminds me of two little nephews of 
mine who were taken to a churchyard by a 
very old and pious aunt. She, thinking to 
impress the surroundings on them, said, 
You know, Jack and Fred, it is only the 
body that lies here. Now, what part of him 
goes to heaven ? ” “ His head, I suppose.” 
There are probably many mothers who have 
had cause to smile at the quaint additions 
which their children at times have made to 
their prayers. A little girl friend of mine 
was once taken to a ventriloquial entertain- 
ment, which impressed her very much. 
Whilst saying her prayers that night she asked 
God to look after all her brothers and sisters 
and make her a good girl. Then there was a 
pause, and one heard, sotfo voce, “ All right.” 
Molly, another little girl i knew, was saying 
her prayers, and, as she was going to a party 
the next week, she ended up with. “And 
please give me a new dress ’’—pause— “ if 
you can afford it.” 
A little friend of mine was once told that 
she need not be afraid, as angels would watch 
round her bed all night. She hesitated, and 
then said, “ Mother, will you leave the light, 
as I wouldn’t like one to settle on me.” 
And there are few who will not sympathize 
with the little daughter of a well-known 
actress, who w r as sitting next to me one day. 
She had been kissed and fussed by a great 
many ladies, when a gentleman came up and 
said, kt Have you a kiss to spare for me ? ” 
No,” said the little lady, very bored, “ I 
haven’t a kiss left in me.” 
I was once teaching for a little while in a 
school to relieve a friend of mine. I had 
written the alphabet on the board and had 
gone over it two or three times with the chil- 
dren, who were very young. I then asked 
one of them what came after A. She waited 
a long time. “ What came after B ? ” I said. 
No answer. “ Well, what came after C ? ” 
She turned round and said, “ Look on the 
board.” 
At the same school I asked the same little 
people, “ Does a cat wear fur or feathers ? ” 
One of them looked at me in astonishment 
and said, “ Haven’t you ever seen a cal ? ” 
“HE TOI.D HICK THAT SHE SHOULD HAVE A 
GRAMOPHONE.” 
