“THEN THE BAND PLAYED ” 
299 
about to launch out into the “ Merry Widow/’ 
or something as embarrassingly appropriate, 
I would spy another hearse turning the 
corner, and would have to hurriedly change 
the tune or wait until the mourners were 
safely out of earshot. 
It was a little disconcerting and distinctly 
trying, but I managed things all right, I 
thought, and congratulated myself upon 
having come through a difficult situation 
with flying colours. 
But, alas, my self-satisfaction was short- 
lived ! Three days 
later I received a letter - * 
from an indignant 2*1 
widow complaining 
that, of all tunes, the 
band had played Put 
me among the Girls ” 
while her dear hus- 
band’s funeral was 
passing the grounds I 
Mr. MANUEL 
BILTON, 
Bandmaster of the Royal 
Horse Guards. 
That a person could 
sit in an orchestra for 
two days without 
blowing a note may 
seem incredible, but it 
really happened. 
A youth was induced to deputize with the 
French horn (which was not his regular instru- 
ment) at the old Imperial Theatre, which 
used to adjoin the now defunct Aquarium. 
He was so nervous that he did not blow a 
note until the third day, when he tried his 
prowess on the following passage : — 
I made inquiries and found the critic was a 
lady — so I said no more about it ! 
On another occasion when on tour with 
the band we gave a Sunday concert, and the 
Council insisted upon the programme being of 
a sacred character. The “ Hallelujah Chorus ” 
was one of the items, but before the concert 
I was asked to substitute the “ Dance of the 
Imps ” from the Peer Gynt Suite, which I 
did, in place of the chorus. Afterwards a 
member of the committee, commenting to 
me on the concert, 
THE RESULT WAS UlSASTROUSV 
“ That’s all right/ 
said he thought the 
“ Hallelujah Chorus ” 
was grand ! 
All these incidents 
are true. I will end 
with one for the truth 
of which I cannot 
vouch, although I 
think it quite likely. 
An opera company 
had augmented their 
orchestra while on 
tour, and among the 
additions were two 
trombone players. 
Looking over their 
parts before rehearsal, 
one said to the other : 
“ I say, Bill, look 
here ! This is in six 
sharps ! How are we 
to do this ? ” 
replied Bill ; “ you can 
Soli. 
_L 
He attempted the lower notes, but, unfortu- 
nately, had the wrong crook on ! The result 
was disastrous. 
The conductor said so many unkind things 
that when the curtain descended the unlucky 
offender dropped his instrument, rushed into 
the band-room, seized his hat, and bolted for 
Charing Cross. 
The youth was myself ! 
Examples of mistaken criticism are not 
rare, and I could mention many. Once our 
band was criticized in the Press for its playing 
of some of Dvorak’s dances, when they had 
been cut and something else played instead. 
take three and Til take t’others.” 
Lieutenant B. S. GREEN. 
Bandmaster of the Royal Marine Artillery, Eastney. 
The Colonel of a certain regiment sent for 
the bandmaster one day and complained very 
bitterly of the band, which he described hotly 
as a “ disgrace to the regiment, sir.” 
Naturally the bandmaster, who was very 
proud of his band, was most indignant, and 
demanded to know what was the complaint 
about it. 
tc Why, sir,” said the irascible Colonel, “ the 
men who march in the front rank and play 
those instruments they push in and out” — 
meaning the trombones — “ cannot keep time, 
sir ! They never by any chance push in and 
out together. I’ll have it changed, let me 
tell you.” 
It was no good the bandmaster explaining 
that each man played a different note and 
that each note was formed with the slide in a 
different position. The Colonel still persisted 
that the effect was not uniform, and vowed 
that he would order the men to be drilled 
