THE RAT CONVENTION. 
Catarel—Ratarel—Doggerel. 
There was a rat who learned to read and had a 
thoughtful mind, 
To science and philosophy his tastes were all in¬ 
clined; 
For novels, news and politics—alike he thought them 
vain; 
He scorned alike all Brooklyn scandal, Josh Billings 
and Mark Twain. 
And e’en the last dispatches from the bloody fields 
of war 
To him were dull and stupid, as the jokes on 
mother-in-law. 
The books he took delight in were written by wise 
men, sir, 
For Darwin was his favorite and next was Herbert 
Spencer; 
Of these he read, on these he thought and pondered 
o’er the mystery , \ 
Of the struggle for existence in the realms of Nat¬ 
ural History; 
How hoofs and claws, and wings and tails by use are 
slowly gained— 
Races preying on each other, till a balance is main¬ 
tained ; 
The survival of the fittest, and since first the world 
began, 
The gradual development of monad, monkey, 
man. 
He pondered deep, he reasoned well, and then he 
plainly saw 
That rats and mice are rats and mice, but by this 
simple law, 
’Tis the cats that prey upon them, from youth to 
hoary age, 
That have checked their onward progress on the 
rat-and-mousey-stage; 
And could the cats be rid of, again their race might 
grow— 
As the avalanche developes from the rolling ball of 
snow. 
So he called a grand convention of the rats and of 
the mice, 
And, having them assembled, thus he gave them 
his advice: 
“Come hither all ye mice and rats, 
Who spend yotir lives in fear of cats, 
And listen to a plan I’ve got 
By which we may exalt our lot; 
Just let us get a little bell 
And tie it round each cat’s neck well, 
Then we can hear them when they’re coming, 
And run into our holes a humming. 
Then when cats can’t catch rats to eat, 
They’ll soon find out that grass is sweet. 
When they eat grass they’ll.lose their claws, 
And hoofs will grow out on their paws; 
Their canine teeth will soon drop out, 
And in their place incisors sprout, 
And when they've eaten it a heap, 
They all will turn to little sheep. 
Then no more cats will be so nice 
For all us little rats and mice; 
For, as is well known to you all, 
Io’s living in holes that keeps us small. 
But then we may take our ease, 
And live about just where we please; 
And ’tis as plain as any figger, 
We all will grow a great deal bigger. 
In f; c . I think there is no reason 
We may not grow a foot each season. 
Thus f. st acquiii ig size and strength. 
We’ll ea„ those mutton cats at length;. 
And living but on blood and brains, 
As lions do, well all have mams, 
And grow so lu re and curni-ueer-ous, 
That even men themselves will fear us. 
For if, in spite of ail the cats, 
There are so many mice and rats; 
’Tis plain we are well fitted for 
Great Nature’s internecine war; 
And may, if once we turn the scales, 
Develop to the size of whales. 
Sj do not doubt me by a look, 
For all is proved by Darwin’s book; 
It only needs to bell the cats— 
The rest will follow—bet your hats!” 
Then rose an old grandfather rat, who'd listened 
with attention, 
“Let unanimous approval be the sense of this con¬ 
vention. 
Heaven bless our fellow rodent, who, with super 
rat ambition, 
Has solved the problem how we may exalt our low 
condition, 
And circumvent the feline race, and make it come 
to pass 
That, like Nebuchadnezzer, they shall all be sent 
to grass. 
Sure our children in his honor many monuments 
shall raise, 
And our sculptors sculp his image, and our poets 
sing his praise. 
And children shall be named for him, like sands 
along the seas— 
More numerous than George Washington’s, and 
likewise Robert Lee’s. 
Meanwhile the highest glory that a mortal rat can 
ask, 
To put the bells upon the cats shall be his valiant, 
task.” 
Then the learned rat looked thoughtful, but a wild 
hurrah arose 
To ratify this pleasant scheme of vengence on their 
foes; 
When, midst their loud rejoicings, alas it must be 
told, 
A cat sprung in upon them, like a wolf upon the 
fold. * 
Fast for their holes they scampered, but ah! she 
was too quick; 
She lit upon that learned rat like many an hundred 
brick. 
Oh, fearful catastrophe! oh, fatal turn of luck! 
His fate was as the Juney-bugs, o'ertaken by the 
duck. 
Then the hall was deserted, in the twinkling of an 
eye, . , * 
And tne i-at and mouse convention stood adjourned 
die." 
