Incongruous Wit. 47 
sage was not surprised but remarked, that after thunder one 
ought to expect rain. 
An Irish woman in the great famine, when some one condoled 
with her on the loss of her teeth, said: “Time enough for me 
to lose them now that I have nothing for them to do. ” 
When one said to a drinker: “Don’t you know when your 
guardian angel sees you enter a saloon he stands at the door 
weeping?” The answer was; “Yes I do, and he has reason to 
weep, for he has no sixpence to buy himself a glass.” 
Orientals say that asses bray because they have visions of 
Satan. Nothing but a satanophany could inspire, as they think, 
such utterances. 
In a dispute about precedence, a German emperor decided that 
lawyers must go before doctors. His reason was that thieves 
walked to the gallows before the executioners. 
Regarding the text, “A man beholding his face in a glass 
straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was, ” a wit 
would say: “ How fitly is the word ‘man’ here used since the 
fact asserted is more than can be said about women. ” 
When a self-made man was blamed for self conceit he was de¬ 
fended by wits who said: “When he worships himself he wor¬ 
ships his creator. ” 
A wit can also make as much capital out of incongruity or 
unfitness , as out of the fitness of things. 
Queen Bess in old age no longer dared look in a glass, and so 
her maids of honor thought it witty to rouge her nose and whiten 
her cheeks. 
A man was cured of chills by asses’ milk, and urged others to 
try his specific, but the wits told him his experience only proved 
the medicine to be good for men altogether like himself. “It 
cured me”, said the dullard, and a wit replied: 
“The nostrum cured your chills, ’tis true, 
But then ’twas mother’s milk to you.” 
In a storm at sea a rascal prayed aloud, but a wit bade him 
hold his peace. “If the gods”, said he, “find out that you are here 
it is all over with us.” 
I once offered a son of mine $500 if he would give up tobacco 
for a year. His friends wondered that he did not accept my 
offer. The boy said his reason was that I could not afford it! 
