Antithetic Wit. 
49 
Certain victories were described as many and great. “They 
are divided against themselves,” said a wit, “if they were great 
they could not be many; and if many they could not be great.. 
There could not be more than one Waterloo.” 
A large class of witticisms may be termed antithetical , turn¬ 
ing a sentence end for end. 
What a contrast between the popularity which a man runs 
after and the popularity which runs after him. 
“Proportion your charities to your estates, ” cried a preacher, 
“ lest the Lord proportion your estates to your charities. ” 
The cry was, “ Howe has taken Philadelphia. ” Say rather, 
said Franklin, “Philadelphia has taken Howe.” 
These inversions abound in American history. When Wash¬ 
ington, who had called on a lady and was waited on to the door 
by her little girl, said, “I wish you a better office! ” “You will 
give me one,” was her answer, “when I let you in to see my 
mother instead of out. ” 
An early member of congress from Vermont when asked what 
he thought of Washington, said some things were better at 
home. He was asked what things? and answered, “Butter and 
girls; for there the butter is yellow and the girls are white, 
while here you have white butter and yellow girls. ” 
The pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock; wits have wished 
that Plymouth Rock had landed on the pilgrims. 
The betrayer of a fugitive slave said, “People call me Judas 
but I don’t care for that.” But when asked what do you sup¬ 
pose Judas thinks about it? he began to care. 
A Nebraska governor on the frontier was bed-fellow of an 
Irishman, and said, “In your old country, Pat. you would never 
sleep with a governor. ” The retort was, “And in my country 
you would never be made governor. ” 
Mark Twain said he would not give one cent to hear Inger- 
soll’s lecture on Moses, but for hearing Moses on Ingersoll he 
would give a thousand. 
When we ask how far apart are St. Paul and Minneapolis, it 
is often answered; ten miles of geographical distance, and ten 
thousand miles of mutual contempt. 
4 
