50 Butler—Phases of Witticism. 
Antithetic wit sparkles in all lines of life. Examples crowd 
upon us. 
Chesterfield thought he was a lord among wits when he was 
only a wit among lords. 
The aged sinner says he has abandoned his vices; the truth is 
his vices have abandoned him. 
The Mormon’s religion is singular, but his wives are plural. 
Honorary medals ill-bestowed led to the saying: Thieves 
used to be hung on crosses; now crosses are hung on thieves. 
Pope translated Homer out of Greek. But his flatterers said; 
Future ages will with wonder seek, 
Who ’twas translated Homer into Greek. 
Antithetical wit is never keener than when the end of a sen 
tence contradicts the promise of its beginning. 
Thus it was said that a certain poem would be read when 
Homer was forgotten—but not before. 
Of this nature is the benediction, “May the blessing of the 
Lord follow you all the days of your life, but never once over¬ 
take you. ” 
In the same spirit a veteran declared McClellan a greater 
general than Grant, because he kept our army out of Richmond. 
So a gambler admitted that he lost much time in card-playing, 
namely, that consumed in shuffling. 
Burns’s jolly widower felt sure that his wife’s soul was not in 
hell, for the devil could ne’er abide her. 
An orator was said to be like the sun, because they both leave 
every thing as dark as they find it. 
A man charged with hard drinking contended that he never 
drank save on two occasions; one was when he went a fishing, 
and the other was when he did not. 
An ignorant man boasted that he understood two languages, 
one was English and the other profane. 
A lady said to Voltaire, “I want to be as witty as if I saw 
you every day, and as good as if I never saw you at all. ” 
Pres. Quincy, of Harvard, was celebrated as first in at morn¬ 
ing prayers, and also as first to drop asleep when there. 
George III is now called the best friend of our fathers in ’76, 
because nobody else could have driven them to independence. 
