282 
AMERICAN AGRICULTURIST 
[July, 
A little fellow began to maul and tease the family cat, in 
the blind hope of turning her into the maui-tease variety. 
A true woman lovetli flowers—the kind the new spring 
bonnets are trimmed with. 
“ Two for a scent,” as the drug clerk said when a young 
couple entered the store and asked for a bottle of cologne. 
Mrs. Partington says that the only way to prevent steam¬ 
boat explosions is to make engineers bile the water on shore. 
There is many a man strong enough to hold a bull by the 
horns, and yet not strong enough to hold his own tongue. 
A country paner says : “ A child was run over by a wagon 
three years old, and cross-eyed, with pantalets on.” 
“Why, Willie,” said his mother at dinner, “you can't 
possibly eat another plate of pudding, can you? “ Oh, yes, 
I can, ma; one more plate will just nil the Bill.” 
“ Love is an internal transport! ” exclaimed an enthusi¬ 
astic poet. “ So is a canal-boat,” said a practical old for¬ 
warding merchant. 
“ Pa,” said a little four-year-old, “ there’s a poor man out 
there that would give anything to see you.”—“ Who is it, my 
son ? “ It is a blind man.” 
Counsel to witness—“ You’re a nice sort of fellow, you 
are!” Witness—“I’d say the some thing of you, sir, only 
Pm on my oath.” 
An old fellow reading a newspaper headline, “ War against 
the Afghans,” said he was glad of it; he never did like 
“ them circus blankets.” 
“ What,” said an inquisitive young lady. “ is the most pop¬ 
ular color for a bride?” We may be a little particular in 
such matters, but we should prefer white. 
It is said that afternoon marriages are the present style in 
England. Can’t be. There never was a marriage before Eve. 
What, never? No never!! 
A coroner’s verdict reads thus: “ The deceased came to 
his death bv excessive drinking, producing apoplexy in 
the minds of the Jury.” 
The “ Saratogian ” tells of a clergyman at the recent con¬ 
ference who saw the placard, “ Leave your dog outside,” 
and tried to purchase a dog in order to comply with the 
regulations. 
Mrs. Partington Again.—” Poor man!” said the old lady; 
“and so he’s really gone at last! Ninety-eight, was he? 
Dear! dear! to think how that if he’d lived two years more 
he'd have been a centurion.” 
In struggling to make a dull-brained boy understand what 
conscience Is, a teacher finally asked, “ What makes you feel 
uncomfortable after vou have done wrong?”— 1 “Eather’s 
leather strap,” feelingly replied the boy. 
“ O, granny!” cried little Tommy at the top of his voice, 
“ I just seen the biggest ant! It couldn’t begin to get inter 
that door.” Granny was duly excited, but not so much as 
when Tommy told her it was an eleph-ant. 
A widow, intending to succeed her husband in the manage¬ 
ment of an hotel, advertised that “ the hotel will be kept by 
the widow of the former landlord, Mr. Brown, who died last 
summer on a new and improved plan.” 
An exchange prints fourteen rules for spoiling a child—and 
the quickest and most certain rule is omitted. If you want 
to spoil a child, give the youngster a didn’t-know-it-was- 
loaded pistol to play with. It goes right to the spot. 
A boy from New York went into the country visiting. He 
had a bowl of bread and milk. He tasted it, and then hesi¬ 
tated a moment, when his mother asked him if he didn’t like 
it, to which he replied, smacking his lips : “ Yes, ma, I was 
wishing our milkman would keep a cow.” 
Miss Susan King recently saw the following advertise¬ 
ment in a country newspaper: “How to get Rich—A rare 
secret—Send twenty-five cents to George Fullerton, box 413, 
Portland, Me.” Prompted by curiosity, she forwarded the 
money and received the following reply: “ Work night and 
day and never spend a cent.” 
A Great Mystery Explained.—“ Why does lightning 
So rarely strike twice in the same place?” Prof. Wortman 
asked tile new boy in the class in Natural Philosophy.— 
“Hub.” said the new boy, “it never needs to.” And it is a 
little singular that nobody had thought of that reason before. 
Mrs. Shoddy's views are interesting to those who are 
thinking about keeping a carriage. She says that she has 
thought itall over, and come to the conclusion that brooches 
are a’most too large, that these ’ere coupons are too shut up, 
but that a nice stylish pony phantom seems to be the thing. 
Tlie editor of a backwoods paper is reported to have dis¬ 
covered a New Testament on his desk the other day. He at 
once wrote an elaborate review of it, and was very much 
disappointed when the foreman brought his copy back and 
told him it was not a new book. 
“ Gentlemen of the jury,” said an Irish barrister, “ it will 
be for you to say whether this defendant shall be allowed 
to come into court with unblushing footsteps, with the cloak 
of hypocrisy in his mouth, and draw three bullocks out of 
my client’s pocket with impunity.” 
Mrs. Dunshudder fed a tramp yesterday, because he wore 
an old army coat of faded blue.—“ You went through the 
war?’ said the sympathetic soul.—“ Yes’m : I was a drum¬ 
mer,” and when the fellow reached the sidewalk he con¬ 
cluded the sentence, “ for a hardware store in Chicago.” 
The last man will have an awfully lonesome time of it. 
Nobody to borrow money of; nobody to dun him or raise 
his rent; no gas meter to make things lively; no book 
agents; no life insurance man, and no oldest inhabitants to 
declare that it is the most remarkable weather we have 
ever had. 
Bookseller—“What sort of books do you want, sir?” 
B a <r gs _“ O, such books as a gentleman generally has! ” 
Bookseller—” And how many ? ” Baggs—“ Wal, my liberery 
is twelve by fifteen, and I want it full.” Bookseller—” Will 
you have them bound in Russia or Morocco ? ” Baggs—” 0, 
don’t send so far! Have them bound in Loudon.” 
He has broken his promise to marry the girl, and her father 
wanted a money consideration to help heal a wounded 
heart. The young man said he would consider a reasonable 
proposition. “Well then,” said the irate fattier, who was 
seeking justice for his daughter, “ young man, how does a 
dollar and a half strike you! ” 
A short time ago a little boy went with his father to see a 
colt. He patted the colt’s head and made quite a fuss over 
it, until finally the stable-man told him to be careful that the 
colt did not turn round and kick him. When the little chap 
went home his mother asked him what lie thought about the 
colt. “I like him pretty well,” was the reply. ’’He’sreal 
tame in the front, but lie’s awful wild behind.” 
The class in Natural History were being put through the 
facings, and to show their knowledge the pedagogue went a 
little aside from the text-book and asked where down came 
from. There was an awful pause for a few minutes, which 
was finally broken by a little four-foot-nothing with, “ They | 
get it in the ground.”—“ In the ground ! How’s that ?’ 
— “ Why down in a coal mine, sir.” 
Milliner (to Captain, who has been buying a hat for his 
wife)—” Tell your wife, if she wants it dressy, to put a 
panache of six feathers poised high on one side, with feath¬ 
ers curling forward, place a lizard or beetle to hold it, and 
put another lizard on the band that covers the curtain. 
That’s easy to remember.” The Captain (to his wife)— 
“ She said, if you wanted it dressed up, to put a pancake and 
sixteen poisoned feathers curled up forrid, clap on some 
lizards and beetles to belay them with, and cover the lizard 
on the band with your curtains.” 
One of the secretaries of a Church Missionary Society, a 
distinguished man, was about to preach to a colored con¬ 
gregation, when he was introduced by the regular minister 
of the church, a black man, in these words: “Now den, 
bruddun, I’se heah to info’m you dat Bruddah Blank is gwine 
to preach to you to-day. He is de Seccatary of de Missionary 
Society, a distinguished an’ a eloquent man -in fac’, my 
bruddun, he is a soundin’ brass, an’ a tinklin’ cymbal.” 
Snodgrass loaned Smith his scythe sharpener three or four 
months ago, and the home that once knew that scythe sharp¬ 
ener now knoweth it no more. Meeting Smith the other 
day, says Snodgrass: “ Smith, firearms are dangerous 
things, very dangerous; even a scythe rifle will go off.” 
Smith said, “ He, He,” but he- didn't look a bit pleasant. 
When he got home he threw himself in a chair and his cane 
at the cat, and said he: “ I'll never borrow another tiling of 
that Snodgrass if I live a hundred years." And he never 
will. 
A stranger sat in a corner of the car lienee to Boston in 
easy attitude, His feet upon a large black trunk. The gentle¬ 
manly conductor, going his rounds, at the first station 
politely informed the stranger that the trunk must be put in 
the baggage car. To which the stranger nothing replied. 
At the second station the displeased conductor more de¬ 
cidedly told the stranger that he must put the trunk in the 
baggage car. To which the stranger nothing replied. At 
the third station the vexed conductor more imperatively 
told the stranger that he must put the trunk in the baggage 
car, or it would be put off the train. To which the stranger 
nothing replied. At the fourth station the irate conductor 
had the trunk put. off and left. At the fifth station the molli¬ 
fied conductor, addressing the stranger, begged him to re¬ 
member that he but did what his duty required, and that 
lie had only did it after repeated warnings, and that it was 
solely the stranger s fault. To which the stranger laconic¬ 
ally replied: “ Don’t care; ’taint my trunk ! ” 
'i'lie Cattle Contagion.— Pleuro-pneumonia, or 
Lung Fever, is a serious contagious disease, which now 
prevails more or less among the cattle of the Middle and 
Atlantic Stales, extending from Connecticut to North 
Carolina. The region thus covered contains over 6,000,- 
000 head of catlle, and much of the flue blooded stock of 
the country. This malady can be extirpated—as the 
history of its former outbreaks teaches—but only by 
vigorous and united measures. The Health Officers of 
Now Yoik, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania, are working 
in union, and a strict quarantine of the infected herds, 
and the killing of all diseased cattle is demanded by 
them. As fresh outbreaks occur from time to time, in 
quarters where least expected, a thorough inspection of 
all herds in the East should be made. While the three 
northern States mentioned, are active in the extermina¬ 
tion of the pleuro-pneumonia, Delaware, Virginia, Mary- 
lane, and North Carolina are doing little or nothing in 
this direction. There are 35,000,000 head of cattle west 
of the Alleghanies, and should diseased cattle be taken 
from the east into the vast herds of the prairies and 
plains, as may be done at any time, an untold destruc¬ 
tion of property might result. Wc are pleased to see 
that the United States Senate has passed a bill providing 
—though in a very incomplete and unsatisfactory man¬ 
ner—for the prevention of the spread of contagious dis¬ 
eases among live-stock, and that §25,000 is appropriated 
for that purpose. The first thing to be done is to quar¬ 
antine all diseased or suspicious stock—first confine the 
disease, and then destroy it by destroying the animals. 
Exclusive Control of Plants.— A friend in 
Howard Co., Did., writes that last fall he purchased of a 
person claiming to represent a certain nursery, plants of 
the strawberry, “ Sharpless’ Seedling.” This party re¬ 
presented that they had the whole control of the sale of 
this variety, and that all others offered as that, could not 
be true to name. This season there comes another per¬ 
son, claiming to represent a nursery in Western New 
York, and one of the best known in the country. Agent 
No. 2 solicited orders for the “ Sharpless,” asserting that 
his nursery had exclusive control, and that no oiliers 
could supply the plants true to name. Our friend is in 
trouble, would like to know who has the true “Sharp¬ 
less,” and properly thinks it hard that lie should buy 
a few plants at a high price, propagate them to get a sup¬ 
ply to set out a bed, and then learn that he has not the 
true kind—and we quite agree with him. Our friend’s 
mistake was in buying of a travelling agent at all, unless 
he had the most positive proof that he did represent the' 
nursery as claimed, and that the plants would be sent 
directly to him by the proprietors thereof. There is 
much risk in dealing with these “agents;” there arc 
some honest men in the business, but the proportion of 
these to the dishonest is so very small, that in this land 
of mails and express companies, there is no possible rea¬ 
son why the dealings should not be directly with the pro¬ 
prietors of the nursery. As to the exclusive control of a 
plant—when one claims this, it is safe to regard him with 
caution, if not suspicion. The name of the nursery from 
which the plants are said to have come, is not given ; but 
that of the second one is, and we run no risk in saying 
that if the “agent” claimed that this nursery had exclu- 
I sive control of the “ Sharpless,” he did so on his own 
account. ’The proprietors of the nursery, being men of 
high character, could not make such a claim, as they 
know it is not true, and more than that, they know that 
we know, and that niany others know, that it. is not true. 
Our Maryland friend and others may be sure that, if a 
plant is worth having, it can be had without running the 
risks that attend dealing with agents. As to the “ Sharp¬ 
less” it may be had of a dozen or more dealers, who have 
a business reputation at stake, and who on I his account- 
let alone any higher motive—could not commit the folly 
of sending out a plant that they did not know to be true 
to name. Caution and a careful reading of our advertis¬ 
ing pages would save many troubles of this kind. 
Mineral for a Name. —A soft black shining min¬ 
eral comes from “F. L.,” Southport, Ct. It is easily 
broken up into small scales, which have the brilliancy of 
polished steel. It is only a form of a very common ore 
of iron, which mineralogists call Hematite, ar,d it is one 
of the valuable ores for producing iron. As it splits up 
into thin plates like mica, is called micaceous iron. It is 
sometimes used in fancy work ; being broken up fine, it 
is sprinkled upon articles that have been coated with 
mucilage; when that dries, the scales of micaceous iron 
stick fast, and give the article a very pretty appearance. 
A Handy Hook, for its special object, and for 
many others, is the “ Eight Hand Record and Ready 
Reference,for Leading Advertisers," issued by H. P. Hub¬ 
bard, the Advertising Agent of New Haven, Conn. The 
principal cities and villages having newspapers, arc given 
alphabetically, for the States, Territories, and British 
America; the population of each according to the last 
census; also the estimated circulation of each newspaper, 
except the “ cooperative ” ones, which are arranged to¬ 
gether at the end of the book. The work has a popular 
interest, therefore, aside from its utility to advertisers. 
For these, a blank space is provided against each paper, 
for inserting advertising orders. 
Feeding Calves.— Every stock raiser and farmer 
shouldknow the importance of good care and the proper 
treatment to a calf during the first few months of its life. 
The greatest profit comes from full and judicious feeding 
during what is the natural period of suckling. But the 
natural method is not the most profitable to the owner of 
the calf. The milk which the cow gives is, almost every¬ 
where, worth more than the calf would be were it allowed 
to feed upon it. The question then is, what shall we 
feed the calf? The pure, fresh milk from the cow is what 
it would naturally have, therefore it’s food should be sim¬ 
ilar to that in composition, but less in its market value. 
In most cases it must be put upon skim milk as the next 
best food. This lacks the cream of the pure milk ; it is 
milk less a large part of its oily element. If we can re¬ 
store this oil from another and a cheaper source, we, in a 
good measure, restore the milk to the calf. This can be 
done by using linseed meal, of which a half a pint should 
be mixed with a gallon of the skim milk. During the 
first few days the young calf should have the milk as it 
comes from the cow and may be allowed to get it the 
natural way ; after tliis it is to be weaned and the change 
from the first milk to the warm skim milk begun. This 
change should be gradual and not completely made until 
several weeks have elapsed. 
Coloring Mosses. —One of our friends in Wash¬ 
ington Territory ask how to color moss. Though the 
color is not stated, we assume it to be green. Moss is 
used in various kinds of ornamental work, but as it dries 
of a dull faded color, it must be dyed to give a lively tint. 
Large quantities of dyed moss are imported for use in 
artificial flower making and other fancy work. A cor¬ 
respondent, whoso other recipes we have found to be 
useful, a long time ago sent us directions for coloring 
moss. One of these is to dissolve in two quarts of boil¬ 
ing water two ounces of alum aud one ounce of tincture 
of Indigo Carmine, making the solution in a glazed ves¬ 
sel. The moss, tied in small bunches and thoroughly 
cleaned, is immersed in the solution for a few minutes, 
or until of the proper color. As a cheaper dye, he says : 
“In two quarts of boiling water dissolve four ounces 
each of Alum and Celestial Blue, in fine powder, and 
immerse the moss while the liquid is quite warm.” The 
trouble about these recipes is, that probably there is no 
demand for these modern dyeing materials away from 
large cities, and our correspondent would be unable to 
procure them. Aniline dyes of all colors are put up for 
family use, and these will no doubt answer for moss. 
If neither are to be had, let us know, and we will see 
what can be done. 
Pigeon-berry or Poke in the Garden.— 
What is known as “ Pigeon-berry” in New England has 
various other names in different localities, among them 
are “Poke,” “Garget,” “Cocurn,” “Cancer Root,” 
“ Skoke,” “ Skoka,” aud “ Pecatacelleloe ’’—which last, 
quite puts to shame its botanical nam e Phytolacca decan- 
dra. A few years ago the European papers announced 
that Phytolacca was hardy in Belgium; then one English¬ 
man found it was hardy in his part of England; as soon 
as this was announced, another Englishman found it was 
hardy with him; then more Englishmen, not to be out 
done, found it was hardy in other parts, and at last the 
fact that “Pigeon-berry” was generally hardy in Eng¬ 
land was settled. In Europe it is cultivated as an orna- 
