AMERICAN AGRICULTURIST 
219 
The path of the hill of science begins just where 
you now are—in your school, and every les¬ 
son well learned is a step. Do you see that little 
blue-eyed fellow in the corner, looking so qui¬ 
etly and steadily upon his book ? His body is 
still; but his soul, if you could only see it, is 
taking steps along an unseen but real path 
which leads through the broad and beautiful 
fields of knowledge, and up the heights of fame, 
and wealth, and honor. Perhaps he is on his 
way, even now, to Congress; aye, just as fast 
now as when twenty years hence, thousands 
shall be delighted at his wisdom and eloquence, 
and vote for him as their representative in the 
national council. — Michigan Journal of Edu¬ 
cation. 
- • • i - 
Postage to France.— A letter sent from the 
United States to any part of France is invaria¬ 
bly charged with double postage when enclosed 
in an envelope. The fact should be remembered 
by those writing to their friends in that country. 
In order to save postage, letters should be writ¬ 
ten very close on good thin paper, and directed 
without an envelope. Letters without envelopes, 
weighing over 7£ grains (]- of an ounce) are 
charged double postage in France. A letter on 
light paper, without an envelope, sent by an 
American steamer, costs twenty-four cents to 
Liverpool, and seventeen cents from there to 
Bordeaux, France, making forty-one cents if 
single, and eighty-two cents if enveloped, or 
over weight. If sent by a British steamer, 
there is an additional charge of ten cents. 
- •«• - 
SPECULATIVE PHILOSOPHY. 
If all mankind could wink at the same mo¬ 
ment, the muscular effort exerted would be 
sufficient to jostle the earth out of its orbit. 
If all the oaths uttered in the United States 
were required to be printed, it would require all 
the presses in the country day and night, to per¬ 
form the labor; and if a tax was levied on them 
of one cent each, one year’s revenue would be 
sufficient to transport all the mails, lay a double 
track railroad to the Pacific, and pay the public 
debt of every State in the Union. 
The cigars consumed throughout the country 
in one year, would make a worm fence six feet 
high around the District of Columbia; and the 
air expelled in smoking them would drive the 
Japan squadron round the world, with enough 
over to do the puffings of the patent medicines. 
- * * »- 
A Fish Story.— Four clergymen, a Baptist, 
Presbyterian, Methodist, and Roman Catholic, 
met by agreement to dine on fish. Soon as 
grace was said, the Catholic rose, armed with 
knife and fork, taking about one-third of the 
fish, comprehending the head, removed it to his 
plate, exclaiming as he sat down, with great 
self-satisfaction, “ Papa est caput ecclesise” (the 
Pope is the head of the Church.) Immediately 
the Methodist minister arose, and helping him¬ 
self to about one-third embracing the tail, 
seated himself, exclaiming, “ Finus coronat 
opus” (the end crowns the work.) The Presby¬ 
terian now thought it was time for him to move, 
and taking the remainder of the fish to his 
plate, exclaimed, “ In media est veritas” (truth 
lies between the two extremes.) Our Baptist 
Brother had nothing before him but an empty 
plate and the prospect of a very slim dinner, and 
snatching up the plate of drawn (melted) butter 
he dashed it over them all, exclaiming, “ Ego 
baptizo vos” (I baptize you all.) 
A Novel Remedy for Swearing. —The Cali¬ 
fornia Christian Advocate, commenting upon 
the great temptations to the sin of profanity in 
that country says : “An intelligent lady of our 
acquaintance, whose little boy was beginning 
this strange talk, anxious to express to her child 
her horror of profanity, hit upon the novel pro¬ 
cess of washing out his mouth with soapsuds 
whenever he swore. It was an effectual cure. 
The boy understood his mother’s sense of the 
corruption of an oath, and the taste of suds, 
which together, produced the desired result.” 
——- 
PRINT IT IN GOLD LETTERS. 
A Father, whose son was addicted to some 
vicious propensities, bade the boy drive a nail 
into a certain post whenever he committed a 
fault, and agreed that a nail should be drawn 
out whenever he corrected an error. In process 
of time the post was completely filled with nails. 
The youth became alarmed at the extent of 
his indiscretion, and set about reforming him¬ 
self. One by one the nails were drawn out; 
the delighted father commended him for his 
noble, self-denying heroism, in freeing himself 
from his faults. 
“They are all drawn out,” said the parent. 
The boy looked sad, and there was a whole 
volume of practical wisdom in his sadness. With 
a heavy heart he replied: 
“ True, father, hut the scars are there still!" 
Parents who would have their children grow 
to sound and healthy characters, must sow the 
seed at the fireside. Charitable associations can 
reform the man, and perhaps make him a useful 
member of society; but, alas! the scars are 
there. The reformed drunkard, gambler, or 
thief, is only the wreck of the man he once was; 
he is covered with scars—which will disfigure 
his character as long as he shall live. — Our 
Drawer. 
- • • » —-— 
THE ANIMATED FRYING-PAN. 
In Ireland a warming-pan is called a friar. 
Not many years ago, an unsophisticated girl 
took service in a hotel in the town of-. Poor 
thing—she had never heard of a warming-pan 
in her life, though she regularly confessed to a 
friar once a year. 
It so happened on a cool and drizzly night 
that a priest took lodgings at the inn. He had 
traveled far, and being weary, retired at an 
early hour. Soon after, the mistress of the house 
called the servant girl. 
“Betty, put the friar into No. G.” 
Up went Betty to the poor priest. 
“Your reverence must go into No. 6, my 
mistress says.” 
“How, why?” asked he, alarmed at being 
disturbed. 
“Your reverence must go into No, 6.” 
There was no help for it, and the priest arose, 
donned a dressing-gown, and went into No. 6. 
In about fifteen minutes the mistress called to 
Betty: 
“ Put the friar into No. 4.” 
Betty said something about disturbing his 
reverence, which the mistress did not under¬ 
stand. So she told the girl in a sharp voice to 
do as she was directed, and she would always do 
right. Up went Betty, and the unhappy priest 
despite his angry protestation, was obliged to 
turn out of No. 6, and go into No. 4. But a 
little time elapsed ere the girl was told to put 
the friar into No. 8, and the poor priest, think¬ 
ing that every body was mad in the house, and 
sturdily resolving to quit it the next morning, 
crept into the damp sheets of No. 8. But he 
was to enjoy no peace there. Betty was again 
directed to put the friar into No. 3, and with 
tears in her eyes she obeyed. 
In about an hour the landlady concluded to 
go to bed herself, and the friar was ordered into 
her room. Wondering what it all meant, Betty 
roused up the priest, and told him he must go 
into No. 11. The patient monk then crossed 
himself, counted his beads, and went into No. 
11 . 
It so happened that the husband of the land¬ 
lady was troubled with “the green-eyed mon¬ 
sters,” jealousy. Going up to bed, therefore, 
before his wife, his suspicions were confirmed 
by seeing between his own sheets a man sound 
asleep. To rouse the sleeper and kick him into 
the street, was the work of but a few moments— 
nor was the mistake explained till the next day, 
when the priest informed the inn-keeper what 
outrages had been committed upon him, and he 
learned, to his astonishment, that he had been 
serving the whole night as a warming-pan !— 
Our Drawer. 
- • • •-- 
Accident, not Fatal. —The Petersburg Ex¬ 
press states that a stupid-looking negro was 
driving a mule in a cart on Saturday, near the 
Richmond Depot, at Petersburg, Va., just as a 
freight train was backing in, when, in attempt¬ 
ing to cross the track, the leading car struck 
the cart about midships, and dashed it, mule, 
driver and all, against an old garden fence, 
breaking it in and tumbling the whole into a 
heterogeneous mass in the enclosure. Strange 
to say, the boy and the mule escaped unhurt, 
the boy springing to his feet, rolling up the 
whites of his eyes, and asking, with fright on 
his countenance, “ Who dat done dis here ?” 
Liberal. —A green-horn, from somewhere, 
standing carelessly upon the end of one of the 
East River piers, watching a Brooklyn ferry 
boat, accidentally lost his equilibrium, and found 
himself suddenly in the “damp.” He however, 
soon clambered up again, and while blowing off 
the superfluous brine, he was asked by a by¬ 
stander how he relished old Neptune’s soup, to 
which he replied: “Wal, I hain’t got much 
agin it; but all I have to say is that who-soever 
put the salt in warn't a hit stingy." 
Ould. —An Irishman going to market, met a 
farmer with an owl. “ Say, misther, what ’ll 
ye take for ycr big-eyed turkey ?” “ It’s an 
owl, ye'booby,” replied the astonished farmer. 
“Divil a bit do I keer whether it’s ould or 
young—price the bird, ye spalpeen.” 
The Present Year. —The following facts, in 
relation to the year of our Lord 1854, were 
pointed out by a clerical friend of ours. The 
year begins and ends on the Sabbath ; there are 
five months in the year that contain five Sab¬ 
baths ; and there are fifty-three Sabbaths in the 
year. Such a concidence will not occur again 
for twenty-eight years.— Victoria Advocate. — 
[The same “ coincidence,” as our Texas friend 
calls it, will occur in 1805, 1871, 1882, 1884, 
and 1899.] 
Sharp. —A humorous fellow, subpoenaed as a 
witness on a trial for an assault, one of the 
counsel, who was notorious for brow-beating 
witnesses, asked him at what distance he was 
from the parties when the assault happened, he 
answered: 
“ Just four feet five inches and a half.” 
“How came you to be so exact, fellow?” said 
the counsel. 
“ Because I expected some fool or other would 
ask me, and so I measured it ?” 
Anecdote. —Not long since, Mrs. B., smell¬ 
ing smoke, ran up stairs to see from whence 
it came, and on going into a front room discov¬ 
ered her little “ hopeful” standing on the hearth 
watching a bag of shavings burning in the fire¬ 
place. 
“Did you do this, Eddy,” said she. 
“Yes ma’am,” was the reply. 
“ Come with me, sir,” was the stern reply. 
She, taking him out of the room, brought the 
“strap” with her. He commenced to say— 
“ Mother, please whip me quick. I want to 
see the fire. Whip me quick, ma, whip me 
quick!” 
Following Instruction. —A good Catholic 
Irishman having been ordered by his priest to 
walk a number of miles with peas in his shoes, 
as a penance, wished to obey the injunction and 
yet not undergo any suffering, and accordingly 
boiled the peas. 
Doggerel. —If we may believe the census, 
every person in the United States owns a horse; 
and every tenth a dog.— Ex. 
If this is so, we’d thank the person who has 
our “horse” to bring it home immediately. We 
want it! —Eric Observer. 
