AMERICAN AGRICULTURIST. 
283 
The first poem which Mr. Saxe submitted to 
the inspection of an editor, was entitled, “A 
Legal Ballad,” called in his published work, 
“ The Briefless Barrister.” It was copied into 
this periodical, and half of our readers, we pre¬ 
sume, can “say it by heart.” It showed at 
once the mournful propensity of the author’s 
mind to the pun, and was in fact, a precursor of 
his headlong career in the forbidden path of 
the Comical. “Progress, a Satire,” the longest 
poem of his in print, was pronounced before the 
Alumni of Middlebury College in 1846, and was 
soon afterward printed in New-York. It is 
pregnant with verbal and rythmical felicities, 
and occupies a high positon among our satirical 
verse. “A New Rape on the Lock,” appeared 
in 1849. “The Proud Miss McBride,” in 1848, 
and “ The Times,” in 1849. Near the close of 
the last-mentioned year, his poems were brought 
out in handsome style by Messrs. Ticknor, 
Reed & Fields, of Boston, and they have run 
through five editions. He has since written a 
lengthy poem entitled “New England,” which 
he has recited one hundred and fifty times in as 
many cities and villages. It is not yet in print. 
This poem, with a few shorter ones, is all the 
capital added to his acknowledged metrical 
stock during the last four years. He has not so 
much vanity as some other poetic pyrotechnists, 
and does not claim all the fireworks which em¬ 
anate from his brain. A little blaze of metrical 
wit frequently flashes up in the columns of the 
Boston Morning Post anonymously, but it is 
easy to see what Lucifer made the match. The 
prince of punsters cannot rid his poetic offspring 
of the mark which betrays their parentage, any 
easier than poor Hester Prynn could remove the 
scarlet letter. 
A clever English writer of the last century, 
said that the way to expose the iniquity of 
punning, like the expedient of curing drunken¬ 
ness, is to show a man in that condition ! but 
as Mr. Saxe is of respectable parentage—no one 
of the name, for at least two generations back, 
having come to his end in a loop of strong 
twine, we spare him. 
Whatever Mr. Saxe’s behavior may be, he is 
a respectable looking man—for an editor. He 
says of himself— 
“Now I am a man, you must learn, 
Less famous for beauty than strength, 
And for aught I could ever discern, 
Of rather superflous length. 
It is very modest in him to decry his own 
beauty; being a poet, he is licensed to do it. 
Touching his height, he further sings as fol¬ 
lows— 
“ In truth, ’tis but seldom one meets, 
Such a Titan in human abodes, 
And when I stalk over the streets, 
I’m a perfect Colussus of roads.” 
Though a giraffe among humans, Mr. Saxe is 
a happy example, in length, of the fitness of 
things, showing that there is design in the con¬ 
struction of animals, particularly the higher. 
Born in an uneven part of the country, it was 
necessary, that he, like Green Mountain boys 
generally, should be tall, in order to look over 
the hills! We have only to add, in this depart¬ 
ment of personalities that, though not decidedly 
corpulent, our laughing poet is more fat limb ic 
than lymphatic. 
In conclusion, we have only to add and to 
show that the wicked are prospered. Not only 
does Mr. Saxe sell his poetry, but he gets gain 
by traffic in the political market. He has held 
the office of District Attorney; is now Inspec¬ 
tor of Customs at Burlington, where he has re¬ 
sided for five or six years; and realizes some¬ 
thing from editing and publishing the Burling¬ 
ton Sentinel. In his Lecture on “Poets and 
Poetry,” he discourses eloquently on the opu¬ 
lence of American bards—Bryant, Ilalleck, 
Longfellow, Sprague and Dr. Holmes; but mo¬ 
destly says nothing of his own beautiful cot¬ 
tage, in the handsomest town in New-EDgland 
—in which cottage, by the way, he has a grad¬ 
ually-augmenting brood of young Democrats, 
whom he is rearing for the salvation of the 
nation. 
AUCTIONEER IN CALIFORNIA. 
Tiie reporter of the San Francisco News 
furnishes that paper w'ith the following report 
of a speech made by a California Auctioneer: 
“Ladies and gentlemen, I now have the 
honor of putting up a fine pocket handkerchief; 
a yard wide, a yard long, and almost a yard 
thick; one half cotton, and t’other half cotton, 
too; beautifully printed with stars and stripes 
on one side, and the stripes and stars on t’other; 
it will wipe dust from the eyes so completely as 
to be death to demagogues, and make politics 
as bad a business as printing papers ; its great 
length, breadth and thickness, together with its 
dark color will enable it to hide dirt, and never 
need washing ; going at one dollar ?—seventy- 
five cents?—fifty cents?—twenty-five cents?— 
one bit? Nobody wants it?—Oh! thank you, 
sir? 
“Next, gentlemen , for the ladies won’t be 
permitted to bid on this article, is areal, simon- 
pure, tempered, highly-polished, keen-edged 
Sheffield razor; bran spankin new; never 
opened before to sun-light, moon-light, star¬ 
light, day-light, or gas-light; sharp enough to 
shave a lawyer, or cut a disagreeable acquaint¬ 
ance, or poor relation; handle of buck-horn; 
with all the rivets but the two at the ends, of 
pure gold: Who will give two dollars ? one 
dollar? half a dollar? Why, ye long-bearded, 
dirty-faced, reprobates, with not room enough 
on your phizzes for a Chinese woman to kiss, 
I’m off’ring you a bargain at half a dollar! Well 
I will throw in this strap at half a dollar!—razor 
and strap—a recent patent; two rubs upon it 
will sharpen the city attorney ; all for four bits ; 
and a piece of soap—sweeter than roses; 
lathers better than a school-master; and strong 
enough to wash out all the stains from a Califor¬ 
nia politician’s countenance, all for four bits !— 
Why, you have only to put the razor-strap and 
soap under your pillow at night, to wake up in 
the morning clean shaved ; won’t anybody give 
two bits, then, for the lot? I knew I would 
sell’ etn. 
“Next, ladies and gentlemen, I offer three 
pair socks, hose, stockings or half hose, just as 
you’ve a mind to call them. Knit by a machine 
made on purpose, out of cotton wool; the man 
that buys these will be enabled to walk till he 
gets tired; and, providing his boots are high 
enough, need’nt have any corns; the legs are 
as long as bills against the corporation, and as 
thick as the heads of the members of Legisla¬ 
ture ; who wants ’em at one half dollar ?— 
thank-ee, madam, dollar ? 
“ Next, I offer you a pair of boots ; made es¬ 
pecially for San Francisco, with heels long 
enough to raise a man up to the Hoadley grades, 
and nails to insure against being carried over 
by a land-slide; legs wide enough to carry two 
revolvers and a bowie knife, and the uppers of 
the very best horse leather. A man in these 
boots can move about as easy as the State Cap¬ 
ital; who says twenty dollars? All the tax 
payers ought to buy a pair, to kick the council 
with; everybody ought to have a pair to kick 
the Legislature with—-and they will be found of 
assistance in kicking the bucket; especially if 
somebody should kick at being kicked—ten 
dollars for legs, uppers and soles! while souls, 
and miserable souls at that, are bringing twenty 
thousand dollars in Sacramento! ten dollars! 
ten dollars ! gone at ten dollars! 
“Next is something that you ought to have 
gentlemen; a lot of good gallowses,—some¬ 
times called suspenders. I know that some of 
you will after awhile be furnished at the State’s 
expense, but you can’t tell which one, so buy 
where they’re cheap; all that deserve hanging 
are not supplied with a gallows, if so there 
would be nobody to make law’s, condemn crim¬ 
inals, or hang culprits, until a new election; 
made of pure gum elastic—stretch like a judge’s 
conscience,—and last as long as a California 
office-holder will steal; buckles of pure iron, 
and warranted to hold so tight that no man’s 
wife can rob him of the breeches; are, in short, 
as strong, as good, as perfect, as effectual, and 
as dona fide as the ordinance against Chinese 
shops on Dupont street—gone at twenty-five 
cents.” 
- • • • - 
HOW TO BE HEALTHY. 
It is well said, by one who had thoroughly 
studied the subject, that the highest ambition 
of an ancient Greek was to be healthy, beauti¬ 
ful and rich. We cannot help thinking, says 
the Philadelphia Bulletin , that the old Athen¬ 
ians, in this respect, were wiser than ourselves. 
Much as we boast of our wonderful intelligence, 
we have not yet practically attained to a method 
of life so comprehensive as that pursued, not 
only byphilosophers, but by the men of fashion 
about town in Africa and the Peloponnesus. 
They placed health first, and money-making 
last, while we invert this order. Yet they were 
Pagans, and we Christians. Surely we should 
cry “ shame” to ourselves. 
In reality, the two principal objects sought 
by the ancient Greek, health and beauty, were 
but one and the same. For beauty cannot ex¬ 
ist without health. The man who is constantly 
confined at the counting desk soon acquires an 
habitual stoop ; the one who devotes his whole 
soul to money-making becomes wrinkled before 
his time. On the contrary, he who indulges in 
proper exercise and recreation, as, for example, 
a well-to-do farmer in healthy districts, carries 
an erect frame to the verge of seventy, and has 
a ruddy cheek even when an octogenarian. 
The first, by neglecting the laws of nature, not 
only destroys his own manly bearing, hut trans¬ 
mits a puny form and icealcly constitution to 
his children. The last perpetuates a race of 
hardy sons and majestic daughters. 
There is but one way to preserve his health, 
and that is to live moderately, take proper ex¬ 
ercise, and be in the fresh air as much as pos¬ 
sible. The man who is always shut up in a 
close room, whether the apartment be a minis¬ 
ter’s study, a lawyer’s office, a professor’s la¬ 
boratory, or merchant’s gas-light store, is de¬ 
fying nature, and must sooner or later pay the 
penalty. If his avocation renders such con¬ 
finement necessary during a portion of the 
year, he can avoid a premature breaking down 
of the constitution only by taking due exercise 
during the long vacations of the summer and 
winter months. The waste of stamina must 
be restored by frequent and full draughts of 
mountain and sea-beach air, by the pursuits of 
the sportsman, by travel, or other similar means. 
Every man who has felt the recuperative effects 
of a month or two of relaxation, knows from 
his own experience how genial its influence is ; 
how it sends him back to business with a new 
flow of spirits ; how it almost recreates him, so 
to speak. Between the lad brought up to phy¬ 
sical exercises in the invigorating open air, and 
one kept continually at school, or in the factory, 
there is an abyss of difference, which becomes 
more perceptible every year, as manhood ap¬ 
proaches, the one expanding into stalwart, full¬ 
chested health, while the other is never more 
than a half-completed man. 
The advantages of exercise are as great in 
females also. All that we have said about pre¬ 
serving health in the man is as true of the op¬ 
posite sex. But this is not the whole. The 
true foundation of beauty in woman is exercise 
in fresh air. No cosmetics are equal to these. 
The famous Diana of Poicteers, who main¬ 
tained her loveliness until she was near sixty, 
owed this extraordinary result, in her own 
opinion, to her daily bath, early rising, and her 
exercise in the saddle. English ladies of rank 
are celebrated, the world over, for their splendid 
persons and brilliant complexions, and they are 
proverbial for their attention to walking and 
riding, and the hours spent daily out of doors. 
The sallow cheeks, stooping figures, suscepti¬ 
bility to cold, and almost constant ill-health, 
which prevail among the American wives and 
daughters generally, are to be attributed almost 
entirely to their excessive sedentary life, and to 
the infirmity caused by the same life on the 
