AMERICAN AGRICULTURIST 
363 
seeing a speedy change in that direction, has 
provided us with a considerable number of slang 
and cant words, in his quarto contribution, to the 
injury of our language. Few persons who con¬ 
sent to use this language are aware how the 
habit grows upon them, and many a one who 
would revolt at the idea of consorting with 
blackguards, does not hesitate at using their 
conversational jargon. No one now-a-days un¬ 
derstands a subject; “ he is posted up;” no 
statement is untrue ; it is “ over the left.” We 
acquiesce in a proposition by remarking “ that’s 
so,” and add impressiveness to a relation of fact 
by the term, “ it’s nothing shorter.” If I ask 
Jones whether Smith left for New-York, he re¬ 
plies, “ well he did,” and if I escape the affix 
“ hoss,” I esteem myself fortunate, A person 
is not said to be rich—“ he has a pocket full of 
rocks,” if something be too dear to purchase, 
“ it sizes his pile,” and an invitation to dance 
is prefixed by “go in lemons.” We might ex¬ 
tend this list any length, but it would only be 
to perpetuate the evil, and we forbear. If men 
and women only comprehend the injury they 
are doing themselves, and more especially their 
children, by this tampering with the vernacular, 
and neglect of its capabilities, they would set a 
guard upon their tongues, and cease to speak 
the language of vulgarians. Let any person 
take the trouble to notice in the course of a day’s 
business how many conversations he has with 
ordinary acquaintances, that are not interlarded 
with these odious phrases, and we venture to 
say that he will be surprised. There is no use 
denying it—our people are becoming dreadfully 
slangy, and there is real danger of their forget¬ 
ting their mother tougue, and finding in another 
generation or two, such a hopeless compound of 
jargon in the voice of it as would drive Johnson 
and Sheridan crazy. Let the newspapers take 
the matter up, by setting the example by leav¬ 
ing out such exquisite diminutives as “ gents” 
and “ pants,” and such terms of praise as “ he 
is one of 'em,” or Capt. Bobstay is a “ trump ,” a 
“ a regular brick and no mistake ,” and we shall 
have some hope of a reformation. With our 
consent no such barbarism|shall appear in our 
columns, and we call upon all our contempora¬ 
ries who hold the fathers of our language in rev- 
erance, to aid us in rebuking this insult to their 
memory. — Buffalo Democrat. 
A Bold Stroke for a Hat. —We heard an an¬ 
ecdote from a gentleman who recently traveled 
by train from Bristol to London, which displays 
the quick-witted promtitude of some people. 
There was in the carriage with him, a fellow- 
passenger, a stranger to him, but who, while 
looking out of the window soon after the train 
passed Swindon, had his hat blown off. With¬ 
out hesitating a moment, or pausing a second 
in perplexity, he took from the roof-straps over 
his head, a new leather hat-box, and threw it 
out of the window after the hat. All looked as¬ 
tonished at this appearance of foolish willfulness, 
and our informant ventured to ask him if he 
thought it a wise act, because he had lost his hat 
to throw away his hat-box also. “ Certainly,” 
replied the other, “ my hat was a new hat, and 
if some workman or policeman picks it up, he 
will either put it on his greasy head or carry it to 
next station in his hand, until on a wet day like 
this, it is ruined. Now, when he sees that hat- 
box near it, he will have sense enough to put 
it into it, and my name is on the hat-box, so 
that I can have both sent up to London after 
me ;” and so saying, he deliberately put on his 
traveling cap, and made himself quite easy on 
the point. Our informant on returning to town, 
was curious enough to inquire atSwindon if these 
calculations were successful, and learned that it 
was just as he anticipated. The hat and box 
were found, and the name being seen, they 
were forwarded on to London to the owner.— 
Bristol Times. 
—■-■«■»«- 
At the Head of his Callimg.— Of the Bishop 
of London a tolerable story is afloat. Wanting 
some alterations done in the palace at Fulham, 
he employed a first-rate architect to inspect the 
building and consult as to what was needed to 
be done. The business occupied the latter 
three or four hours, and the Bishop, on his re¬ 
port of the expenses, determined not to proceed. 
He said, however, “ Be good enough to tell me 
for how much I shall draw a check on account 
of the trouble you have taken.” “ I thank your 
Lordship,” was the reply : “a hundred guineas.” 
“A hundred guineas! why, many of my curates 
do not receive so much for a whole year’s ser¬ 
vice !” “ Very true, my Lord, but I am a bishop 
in my profession!” 
-» • «- 
Remarkable Shot. —Lloyd, in his Scandina¬ 
vian adventures, tells the following : Speaking 
of the stag, reminds me of a certain individual 
who was more famous for his Munchausen 
stories than as a shot. 
He was relating amongst other things, that 
when he, as an officer in the campaign of 1813, 
was on a march to Suabia, (where, by the by, he 
had never been,) he had killed an immense stag, 
in such a manner, that the bullet not only went 
through the hind foot but the ear of the animal! 
Every one laughed, as well they might. “ Is it 
not all true ?” inquired the narrator of the story 
to his servant, who stood behind a chair. “ You 
were, I remember present on the occasion.” 
“Yes, to be sure, sir,” said John, very seriously. 
“ It was at Neustaat, close by the great linden 
tree. The deer had, pardon me for saying so, 
much vermin about his head, and was scratch¬ 
ing it. In the moment you fired and hit him in 
the way described.” Every one now laughed 
still more. But the amiable John whispered in 
his master’s ear, “ Another time, my noble sir, 
do not put your lies so far apart; for this time I 
had great difficulty in bringing them together.” 
--« - - 
A professional gentleman of our acquaint¬ 
ance has hanging in his room a fine large colored 
engraving of the head of a quadruped vulgarly 
known as a jackass. Not long since, a friend of 
his dropped in, and stopping before the picture 
gazed intently upon it for a few moments, and 
then sung out abruptly, and as he imagined, 
very wittily—“ Hallo, doctor, is that your por¬ 
trait?” “Oh, no,” replied the doctor, cooly, 
“ that’s simply a looking-glass." The anxious 
inquirer suddenly discovered that he had some 
business down the street, and departed. 
A Valid Reason. —Uncle Peter B., who 
flourished a few years ago among the mountains 
of Vermont, as an inveterate horse dealer, was 
one day called upon by an amateur of the, 
“equine,” in search of “something fast.” The 
result is told as follows in the Northern Gazette: 
“There,” said Uncle P., pointing to an ani¬ 
mal in a meadow below the house; “ there, sir, 
is a mare yonder, who would trot her mile in 
two minutes and twenty seconds were it not for 
one thing?” 
“ Indeed!” cried his companion. 
“Yes,” continued Uncle Peter; “she is four 
years old and can go a mile in 2.20, were it not 
for one thing!” 
“Well, what is it;” was the query. 
“ That mare,” resumed the jockey, “ is in 
every way a good piece of property. She has a 
heavy mane, switch-tail, trots square and fair, 
and yet there is one thing only why she can’t 
go a mile in 2.20.” 
“What in the Old Harry is it then?” cried 
the amateur impatiently. 
“ The distance is too great for the time,” was 
the old wag’s reply. 
-• e ♦- 
A Regulator. —A traveler in a stage coach 
not famed for its celerity, inquired the name of 
the coach. 
“I think, sir,” said a fellow-passenger, “it 
must be the Regulator, for I observe all the 
other coaches go by it.” 
Who is the shortest man mentioned in the 
bible ? Knee-high-man. 
The Man of one Leg. —The man of one leg, 
it must not be forgotten, is the possessor of cer¬ 
tain physical advantages to which the biped is 
for ever a stranger. lie is exempt by law from 
all personal participation in the turmoils and 
brutalities of war. A man of peace by Act of 
Parliament, he never incurs the disgrace of 
running away, or is laughed at for avoiding a 
combat by showing what he has not got—“ a 
fair pair of heels”—though if by any aggression 
he is driven to his shifts, he can, upon an em¬ 
ergency, find a footing where the greatest 
hero upon two legs could not make a stand; or 
he may cross a stream dry-shod where another 
would get up to his knees in water, simply by 
plunging his insensible substitute in the middle, 
and transferring the natural limb to the opposite 
bank. He may tread upon a venominous reptile 
and laugh at its fangs, or parry the assault of a 
mad dog without fear of hydrophobia.— Tait's 
Magazine. 
-«—— 
Self-Government in Children. —A modern 
writer says:—“ I know nothing more touching 
than the efforts of self-government of which 
little children are capable, when the best parts 
of their nature are growing vigorously under 
the light and warmth of parental love. How 
beautiful is the self-control of the little creature 
who stifles his sobs of pain because his mother’s 
pitying eye is upon him in tender sorrow! or 
that of the babe who abstains from play, and 
sits quietly on the floor, because somebody is 
ill. 1 have known a very young child slip over 
to the cold side of the bed on a winter’s night, 
that a grown-up sister might find a warm one. 
I have known a little girl submit spontaneously 
to hours of irksome restraint and disagreeable 
employment, merely because it was right. 
Such wills as these—so strong and yet so hum¬ 
ble, so patient and so dignified—were never im¬ 
paired by fear, but flourished thus under the in¬ 
fluence of love, with its sweet excitements and 
holy supports.” 
A Clean Shirt Under Difficulties. —Those 
of our readers who have their clean shirts, &c., 
three times weekly, nicely aired and ready for 
use, at their bed’s head, may hardly know many 
of the difficulties in way of cleanliness which 
the very poor have to encounter. One poor lad 
in my district, destitute of a home, living in a 
threepenny lodging-house, when he could obtain 
three pence, .and in carts, stables, or staircases, 
and elsewhere, when he could not, lately pleased 
me very much in the matter of cleanliness. 
He had only one shirt, but he managed to keep 
it clean ; and I inquired of him how he was en¬ 
abled to do so. “ Why, you see sir,” said he, 
“ I goes to some by-place, and there I whips off 
my shirt; well, then I runs to alley, (cul de 
sac,) up White-cross street, where some waste 
hot water runs from some works through a pipe 
in the wall, there I washes my shirt; well, 
then I runs to the lime kilns, the other side of 
Blackfriar’s Bridge, and there I dries my shirt 
and puts it on—a clean shirt for me, you feel 
so comfortable. I can’t bear no filth.”— Van- 
derkiste's Missions to the Dens of London. 
Rules-of Conduct. — 1. Never loose any 
time. I do not think that lost which is spent in 
amusement or recreation some time every day : 
but always be in the habit of being employed. 
2. Never err the least in truth. 
3. Never say an ill thing of a person when 
thou canst say a good thing of him ; not only 
speak charitably, but feel so. 
4. Never be irritable or unkind to any body. 
5. Never indulge in luxuries that are not 
necessary. 
6 Do all things with consideration, and 
when thy path to act right is most difficult, feel 
confidence in that power alone which is able to 
assist thee, and exert thy own powers as far as 
they go.— Elizabeth Fry. 
Mr. Dubious is so skeptical that he won’t be¬ 
lieve the report of a cannon. 
