76 
AMERICAN AGRICULTURIST. 
A Generous Subscription. —A western 
correspondent of Zion’s Herald, in describ¬ 
ing the stingy habits of the people of his ilk, 
when called upon to assist in benevolent 
works, relates the following amusing story : 
One of our friends, a generous North-Car- 
olinan, was called on by a railroad agent, 
who was soliciting stock along the line. He 
had a fine farm and plenty of money, and 
listened with an animated countenance to 
the glowing detail of blessings likely to be 
realized from the proposed railroad. The 
agent made an eloquent palaver, and thought 
he had won our friend and his money, when 
he suddenly got his eye-teeth cut in this 
wise. “ Why, yes,” said the good old farm¬ 
er, “ I know it is wonderful, it must be a 
powerful thing, them air railroads —they run 
like jehu. Surely, I go in for it; I subscribe 
something oilers to sich things.” “ How 
much stock will you take, sir?” said the 
elated solicitor. “ Why, you may put me 
down fifty cents,” was the magnificent reply 
Short Acquaintances —A Sensible Girl. 
—At a late ball in Baltimore, a gentleman 
having danced with a young lady, whose at¬ 
tractions, both personal and conversational, 
seemed to have made an impression on his 
sensibilities, asked on leading her to her seat, 
if he might have the pleasure of seeing her 
on the following evening. 
“ Why, no, sir,” replied the fair one. “ I 
shall be engaged to-morrow evening; but I’ll 
tell you when you can see me.” 
“ I shall be most happy,” exclaimed the 
stricken swain.” 
“ Well, on Saturday night,” resumed the 
lady, “ you can see me at the foot of Marsh’s 
Market, selling cabbages.” 
If the young man’s wise he’ll be there cer¬ 
tain, for that girl will make him an excellent 
wife. 
A Mirror of Beauty. —Queen Elizabeth 
admiring the elegance of the Marquis Villade 
Medina, a Spanish nobleman, complimented 
him on it, begging, at the same time, to know 
who possessed the heart of so accomplished 
a cavalier ? 
“Madame,” said he, “a lover risks too 
much on such an occasion; but your majes¬ 
ty’s will is law. Excuse me, however, if I 
fear to name her; but request your majesty’s 
acceptance of her portrait.” 
He sent her a looking glass. v 
A printer’s devil, who pays special atten¬ 
tion to a young lady up town, without mak¬ 
ing any decided advances, was returning with 
her from meeting the other, night, when she 
feelingly said. 
“ I fear I shall never get to heaven.” 
“ Why,” said Edward. 
“ Because,” she replied, “ I love the devil 
so well.” 
A Deplorable Fact. —“ My son,” said Mr. 
N., “ how could you marry an Irish girl?” 
“ Why, father,” said the son, “ I’m not 
able to keep two women. If I married a 
Yankee girl I’d had to have hired an Irish 
girl to take care of her.” 
Kissing. —One of the deacons in Edward 
Dey’s church asked him if he usually kissed 
'the bride at weddings. “Always,” was the 
reply. “And how do you manage when the 
happy pair are negroes ?” was the deacon’s 
question. “In all such cases,” replied Mr. 
Dey, “ the duty of kissing is appointed to the 
deacons.” 
Mrs. Partington expresses great appre¬ 
hension that the People in California will 
bleed to death, as every paper she picks up 
announces “ another vein opened.” 
Politeness. —On the last night of the Ver¬ 
mont Legislative session, while the school 
bill was under discussion, a member com¬ 
plained that school-boys had lost their po¬ 
liteness. Mr. Bartlett, of Lydon, replied : 
“I acknowledge the truth of the gentleman’s 
remarks. I was forced to take off my cat- 
skin cap to every passer-by. Now, no boy 
uncovers his head. A few years since I was 
riding through Orleans County in a sleigh, 
and overtook a boy who had attained the age 
of nine years. He stepped out of the road 
to let me pass. There he stood upon the 
crust, erect, bold, and aspiring. He did not 
prepare to doff his beaver—not he. Said I, 
‘ My lad, you should alwavs take off your 
hat to a gentleman.’ Said he, ‘ 1 always do, 
“ A naturalist will see as much beauty in 
a toad, spider, or snake as in any of those 
animals which we are accustomed to consid¬ 
er models of beauty; and those who have 
before feared or despised them will, if they 
can only persuade themselves to examine 
them with unprejudiced eye. The move¬ 
ments of the snake are graceful, and the 
changing colors of varied scales leave the 
imitations of art far behind. The spiders, 
too, are beautiful, even in color; some are 
bright crimson, some pale pink, some en- 
tirelyyellow,somebanded with broad streaks 
of alternately velvety black and silvery 
white ; while the eye of the toad is a living 
gem of beauty.” 
Feminine and Masculine. -Punch very slan¬ 
derously gives utterance to the following : 
“ The sun is called masculine, from its sup¬ 
porting and sustaining the moon, and finding 
wherewithal to shine away as she does of a 
night, and from its being obliged to keep 
such a family of stars beside. The moon is 
feminine, because she is constantly chang¬ 
ing, just as a ship is blown about by every 
wind. The church is feminine because she 
is married to the state. And time is mascu¬ 
line because he is trifled with by all the 
ladies.” 
Mutual Support. —The race of mankind 
would perish did they cease to aid each 
other. From the time that the mother binds 
the child’s head, till the moment that some 
kind assistant wipes the death damp from 
the brow of the dying, we cannot exist 
without mutual help. All, therefore, who 
need aid have a right to ask it of their 
fellow mortals ; no one who holds the power 
of granting can refuse it without guilt. —Sir 
Waller Scott. 
A Broad Hint. —A popular clergyman in 
this vicinity, who was sadly annoyed one 
Sunday by incessant coughing among his 
congregation, paused in his discourse and 
remarked, “ If ladies would wear their bon¬ 
nets on their heads, and tie the strings, 
coughs would not be so prevalent.” He 
certainly did not mean to be thus “ coughed 
down.” 
Entomological. —A correspondent wishes 
to know, “ What line in Shakespeare is en¬ 
tirely entomological ?” 
We can not say, unless somebody has 
been found sufficiently barbarous to read a 
certain passage of Macbeth in this wise : 
“ Fly, Flea ance—(ants)—fly, fly, fly !” 
N. Y. Post. 
A Reservation. —A gentleman in a steam¬ 
boat asked the man who came to collect the 
passage money if there was any danger of 
being blown up, as the steam made such a 
horrid noise. “ Not in the least,” said the 
sharp collector, “ unless you refuse to pay 
your fare. 
The Spirit of the Lord’s Prayer. —The 
spirit of the Lord’s Prayer is beautiful. 
That form of petition breathes a filial spirit— 
“ Father.” 
A catholic spirit—“ Our Father.” 
A reverential spirit—“ Hallowed be thy 
name.” 
Amissionary spirit—“ Thy kingdom come.” 
An obedient spirit—“ Thy will be done on 
earth.” 
A dependent spirit—“ Give us this day our 
daily bread.” 
A forgiving spirit—“ And forgive our tres¬ 
passes, as we forgive those that trespass 
against us.” 
A cautious spirit—“ Lead us not into temp¬ 
tation, but deliver us from evil.” 
A confidential and adorning spirit—“ For 
thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the 
glory, forever and ever. Amen.” 
Watering the Flowers. —The following 
beautiful simile, was perpetrated by a colored 
gentleman, of Washington : 
A party of ladies in a carriage, and gentle¬ 
men on horseback, was returning from a 
fishing excursion, when the carriage sudden¬ 
ly made a halt. One of the gentlemen rode 
up, and inquired the cause ?” “ I is water¬ 
ing the flowers. Sari ” And sure enough, 
there he was with a tumbler in hand, hand¬ 
ing water from a bubbling spring to his lovely 
charge, with all the politeness of a finished 
Parisian. 
Wonder if any of our “ Shanghais ” would 
ever have caught such an idea?—reckon not. 
Good Reputation. —The advantages of 
a good character, is amusingly illustrated in 
the story of a Massachusett’s lawyer, who 
was proverbial for his integrity. The jury 
before whom he had argued a criminal case, 
was unable to agree. The Court inquired 
whether the difficulty was in the law or in 
the evidence. One of the jurors replied that 
it was neither, but in the plea ; for (said 
he) the law and the evidence make the man 
guilty ; but Squire H. always speaks the 
truth, and since he says the man is not guilty, 
the jury does not know how to get over it. 
Be Firm. —The wind and the waves may 
beat against a rock planted in a troubled sea, 
but it remains unmoved. Be you like the 
rock, young man. Vice may entice, and 
the song and the cup may invite. Beware, 
stand firmly at your post. Let your princi¬ 
ples shine forth unobscured. There is 
glory in the thought that you have resisted 
temptation, and conquered. Your bright 
example will be to the world what the light¬ 
house is to the mariner upon a sea-shore ; it 
will guide others to the point of safety. 
Imagination. —In order to grow wiser, 
perhaps we could hardly do better than re¬ 
cur to the little parable' spoken some time 
since, on the borders of Wales, by an itiner¬ 
ant preacher of the Evangelical Alliance : 
“ I was going towards the hills,” he said, 
“early one misty morning. I saw some¬ 
thing moving on a mountain side, so strange- 
looking that I took it for a monster. When 
I came nearer to it, I found it was a man. 
When I came up to him I found he was my 
brother. 
Wesley said that “ten thousand cares 
were no more weight to his mind than ten 
thousand hairs were to his head.” He or 
Whitfield, when asked whether a man was 
answerable for bad thoughts, replied, “ I can¬ 
not help the birds flying over my head, but 
I can easily prevent their making nests in 
my hair.” 
