332 
AMERICAN AGRICULTURIST 
CONSOLING TO FAT MEN 
There is something cordial about a fat 
man. Everybody likes him and he likes 
everybody. Your Ishmaelites are in truth 
a hareboned race—a lank tribe they are, 
skeleton and bile. Food does a fat man 
good; it clings to him—it fructifies on him ; 
he swells nobly out, and fills a generous 
space in life. He is a living, walking minis¬ 
ter of gratitude to the earth and the fullness 
thereof; an incarnate testimony against the 
vanities of care—a radiant manifestation of 
good humor. A fat [man, therefore, al¬ 
most in virtue of being a fat man, is per se 
a popular man, and commonly he deserves 
his popularity.- In a crowded vehicle, the 
fattest man will ever be found the most 
ready to make room. Indeed, he seems to 
be half-sorry for his size, lest it be in the 
way of others—but others would not have 
him less than he is, for his humanity is usu¬ 
ally commensurate with his bulk. A fat 
man has abundance of rich juices ; the hinges 
of his system are well oiled—the springs 
of his being are noiseless ; and so he goes 
on his way rejoicing, in full contentment and 
placidity. A fat man feels his position solid 
in the world ; lie knows that his being is 
cognizable ; he knows that he has a market 
place in the universe, and that he need take 
no extra pains to advertise mankind that he is 
among them ; he knows that he is in no dan¬ 
ger of being overlooked. It does really 
take a great deal of wrong to make one 
really hate a fat man; and if we are not al¬ 
ways as cordial to a thin man as we should 
be, Christian charity should take into ac¬ 
count the force of prejudice which we have 
to overcome against his thinness. A fat 
ir.an is nearest to that most perfect of figures, 
a mathemical sphere: a thin man to that 
most limited of conceivable dimensions, a 
simple line. A fat man is a being of harmo¬ 
nious volume, and holds relations to the ma¬ 
terial universe in every direction; a thin 
man has nothing but length; a thin man in 
fact, is but the continuation of a point. 
Poetic. —The light of the lamp was dying 
away in the socket; the midnight clock 
swung heavily aloft, and its brazen tones 
sounded loudly on the frozen air; it was the 
hour when disembodied spirits walk, and 
when murderers, like the stealthy wolf, 
prowl for their prey ; the lonely watch shud¬ 
dered as he heard a slight noise at the door; 
big drops stood on his pale brow—the door 
gently opened—and, horrible to relate,, in 
came a— cat! 
“ What arc you ?” asked a railway passen¬ 
ger of an obtuse official. 
“ The conductor.” 
“ What’s your name V' 
“ Wood.” 
“ Pooh !” exclaimed the querist, “ that can 
not be. Wood is a non-conductor.” 
“ Ma, I want a sled. I do want a sled. 
Can't I have a sled, ma ?” 
“ Certainly, my son ; I suppose so. Ask 
your father.” 
“ I don’t like to ask him, ma.” 
“ Why, what nonsense. Ask him.” 
“ No ma—you ask him— you've known him 
the longest!" 
A blundering compositor, in setting up the 
toast, “ Woman, without her, man would be 
a savage,” got the punctuation in the wrong 
place, which made it read, “ Woman, with¬ 
out her man, would be a savage.” The mis¬ 
take was not discovered until the editor’s 
wife undertook to read the proof. 
Few thjngs are impossible to industry and 
skill, 
The editor of the Jersey City Sentinel has 
been to church! and probably thinking it 
quite an event in his history, indulges his 
readers with an account of his visit. Speak¬ 
ing of the preacher, he says : “ His portrayal 
of David in the lions’ den, with the thrilling 
events appertaining thereto, and his miracu¬ 
lous escape from destruction, was pathetic, 
graphic and sublime. His allusion to King 
Darius, in his majesty, his humiliation, his 
untold sorrow, and his subsequent joy, con¬ 
duct, decrees, &c., we listened to with pro¬ 
found admiration and reverential awe.” 
David in the lions’ den ! That’s nearly up 
to Mrs. Partington’s “ parody on the proba¬ 
ble son.” 
An Argument.—A young lady being ad¬ 
dressed by a gentleman much older than her¬ 
self, observed to him, the only objection she 
had to a union with him, was the probability 
of his dying before her, and leaving her to 
the sorrows of widowhood. To which he 
made the following ingenious and delicate 
complementary reply, “ Blessed is the man 
who hath a virtuous wife, for the number of 
his days shall be doubled.” 
A POWERFUL PREACHER. 
In the Life of Bishop Hedding the follow¬ 
ing incident is related : 
In one of the societies in which the Bishop 
presided, two brothers-in-lasv, members of 
the church, and connected in family relation 
with nearly all the other members, had a bit¬ 
ter feud respecting some property, and the 
church was on the eve of being rent in twain 
by the dispute. Mr. Hedding called a church 
meeting, that the difficulty might be settled. 
Mr. Hedding sat between the two men, 
and the wife of each sat beside her husband. 
They began to talk over the subject of dis¬ 
pute, when one of them suddenly warmed 
up and called the other a liar. Instantly 
both started to their feet and rushed at each 
other ; the females scrambled, and a general 
alarm ensued. Mr. Hedding proved himself 
equal to the awakened emergency. He 
rushed between them; seized each by the 
collar of his coat; and with his herculean 
frame and strength, held them at arms’ 
length, face to face, but unable to strike each 
other. They struggled for a moment, but 
found themselves as though clutched in the 
jaws of a vice. Holding them at arms’ 
length, he commenced to lecture them in 
round terms. * * * From the hearing 
of this entire lecture there was no escape, 
and they writhed under its withering power. 
When they were somewhat calmed, Mr. 
Hedding suddenly exclaimed, “Let 11 s pray,” 
and kneeled down, bringing the two men 
with him to their knees upon the floor. Still 
retaining his grasp, he prayed for them in a 
most fervent and powerful manner. When 
he had closed, he shook the one he held by 
his right hand, saying, “Pray, brother, pray.” 
Soon he commenced praying and weeping, 
confessing his sins, and beseeching God and 
his brother to forgive him. When the first 
had concluded, Mr. Hedding shook the other, 
and called upon him to pray. He was the 
most pugnacious of the two, and it was hard 
work for him to clear his throat so as to 
give utterance to words. “A thousand frogs 
seemed clogging his speech;” but he at 
length broke through his difficulty, and 
prayed God and his brother to forgive him. 
When he said “ Amen,” Mr. Hedding relin¬ 
quished his grasp, and they all rose to their 
feet. “ Now shake hands, brethren,” said 
he, “ and live as brethren, and love each 
other as long as you live.” They immedi¬ 
ately embraced each other, and almost as 
quickly settled their dispute. * *' * The 
two men ever lived on the best of terms of 
fraternal and Christian fellowship. 
Are you Kind to Your Mother 1— Come 
my little boy, and you, my little girl, what 
answer can you give to this question? 
Who was it that watched over you when 
you were a helpless baby ? Who nursed 
you and fondled you, and never grew weary 
in her love ? Who kept you from the cold 
by night, and the heat by day ? Who guard¬ 
ed you in health, and comforted you when 
you were ill ? Who was it that wept when 
the fever made your skin feel hot, and your 
pulse beat quick and hard ? Who hung over 
your little bed when you were fretful, and 
put your cool drink to your parched lips ? 
Who sang the pretty hymn to please you as 
you lay, or knelt down by the side of the 
bed in prayer ? Who w^as glad when you 
begun to get well ? and who carried you 
into the fresh air to help your recovery ? 
Who taught you how to pray, and gently 
helped you to learn to read ? Who has 
borne with your faults, and been kind and 
patient in your childish ways ?—Who loves 
you still, and who contrives, and works, and 
prays for you every day you live ? Is it not 
your mother—your own dear mother? 
Now, then, let me ask you, Are you kmcl to 
your mother ? 
There are many ways in which children 
show whether they are kind or not. Do you 
always obey her, and try to please ? When 
she speaks are you ready to attend to her 
voice ? or do you neglect what she wishes 
you to do ? Do you love to make her heart 
feel glad ? 
POLITENESS, REAL AND CONVENTIONAL. 
It is a common occurence, in social cir¬ 
cles, to hear discussions as to whether a 
certain mode of behavior was impolite or 
not. Somebody does something, which one 
spectator pronounces ill-bred, while another 
decides that it is quite courteous, and there- 
uponarises a debate, which is often protracted 
for hours. We suppose there are but few 
of our readers who have been present at 
such controversies. 
Generally a good deal of the difference of 
opinion arises from neglecting to draw the 
distinction between conventional and real 
politeness ; for conventional politeness not 
only changes with every century, but with 
every nation, and even with almost every 
sect; while real politeness remains the same 
constantly, and in all places. The one is 
artificial, the other the reverse. The one 
is an attempt to stimulate a courtesy which 
is not felt, the other is the natural prompting 
of a good heart. He who is only conven¬ 
tionally polite is often the most selfish of 
men, while he who is really polite can not 
be. Etiquette guides the first, honest feel¬ 
ings control the last. Conventional po¬ 
liteness is hollow, treacherous, hypocritical. 
Real politeness is sincere, earnest, sympa¬ 
thizing. To determine whether an act is 
polite, we must first decide what standard to 
try it by, the conventional or real. 
A century ago, it Avould have been consid¬ 
ered vulgar for a gentleman to tuck a lady’s 
arm under his own when he led her to din¬ 
ner, for etiquette required that he should 
conduct her reverently, by the tips of her 
fingers. Yet, in spite of this fastidious 
treatment, men in that day were more bru¬ 
tal towards women than now. It was also 
regarded as impolite for a gentleman, at an 
evening party, to distribute his attentions in¬ 
discriminately among the ladies present, for 
he was expected to devote his almost entire 
time to the partner he had chosen ; while 
now, such behavior would elicit general re¬ 
mark. To have taken a lady about the 
waist, and gone spinning in a waltz around 
the room, would have banished a gentleman 
from fashionable society. Not to have the 
hair powdered when in full dress; not to 
