348 
AMBRKJAN AClKlOtJI/f UBIST. 
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“A little humor now and then, 
Is relished by the best of men.” 
FUN AMONG EDITORS. 
& BET OF HATS AND HORSES. 
One of the most humorous, good natured 
fellows among our political editors—Pren¬ 
tice of the Louisville Journal always ex¬ 
cepted—is Mr. Hammond, editor of the Al¬ 
bany Register. The frequent laughable ex¬ 
tracts which we credit to the Albany Regis¬ 
ter are from his pen. Mr. H. is an out and 
out Know Nothing, as far as politics are 
concerned, which explains his objections to 
the hat alluded to below. 
Well,* a few days since he was so much 
delighted with a paragraph which appeared 
in an “ opposition ” paper, the Albany At¬ 
las, that in the fulness of his heart he re¬ 
marked through the columns of his paper, 
that “ if the editor of the Atlas will accept a 
hat, and can find anybody that will charge 
one to us, he can order it right off.” 
The editor of the Atla3, being a sensible 
man, and not above receiving a favor from a 
respectable source, accepted the kind invi¬ 
tation of his cotemporary, and ordered the 
hat. The editor of the Register, in a later 
number, acknowledges with apparent sur¬ 
prise the receipt of the bill for the hat, but 
without hesitation assumed the debt, only 
grumbling a little about the style of the hat 
selected. He submits “ that in common 
courtesy, and out of respect to our princi¬ 
ples, the hat selected should have been a 
‘ wide awake, 1 Know-Nothing, American hat, 
and not an out-and-out aristocratic beaver.” 
He says that the luxuriant character of his 
verdancy upon this occasion, reminds him 
of the following adventure which he once 
had in the political betting line : 
“ We were a great Jackson man, we were, 
the last time that the old General ran for the 
Presidency, and whenever a General Jack- 
son runs for that office shall be so again. 
We lived in the country then, and had a 
neighbor who was on the other side of the 
political fence, who was a great dealer in 
horses. Well, we got into an argument with 
him one day, and so sure was he of success 
that he offered to bet a horse against $50 
that the old Hero of New-Orleans would not 
be elected. We took the bet. The argu¬ 
ment being one that had no end, Avas re¬ 
newed from time to time with the same re¬ 
sult, until five horses on the one side and 
$250 on the other were staked on the issue 
of the election. We Avon. But he had for¬ 
gotten to designate the animals, and such a 
lot of horses as Avas tendered in payment of 
the bet was a sight to see. If there was an 
ailment to which horse-flesh is subject that 
Avas not exhibited by one of those five horses 
Ave should like to be informed of its diagno¬ 
sis. There Avas ring-bone, and spavin, and 
stringhalt, and blindness, and heaves, and 
one venerable old roadster had all these and 
in addition Avas deaf as a post. We kept 
them a Aveek as a collection of curiosities in 
the animal line, and then sold them at auc¬ 
tion. According to our recollection, four of 
them sold for $40, in the aggregate, and we 
gave a tin-pedler $10 for taking the other. 
We have not bet on elections since, and 
don’t Avant to Avin any more horses.” 
Why was St. Paul like a horse ? Because 
he loved Timothy. 
HARVEST HYMN. 
Sung at the recent Anniversary of the Newtown Theological 
Institution . 
Far o’er the land the precious grain 
Waves ’neath the sunny sky; 
And ripening harvests offer sheaves 
For immortality. 
But who will reap the golden fruit, 
And who at last will stand, 
A faithful servant, crowned with joy, 
O Lord, at thy right hand! 
Be ours the work, be ours the joy, 
To us the charge be given, 
To gather souls to Christ, and find 
Our garnered sheaves in Heaven. 
Strength to the reapers, mighty God, 
Strength to the reapers send, 
To bear the burden of the day, 
And labor till the end. 
Then songs of triumph shall arise, 
Then shall Thy Kingdom come, 
And echoing anthems greet at last 
The Heavenly Harvest Home. 
The First Baby.— Just look at him. Do 
you see that individual with his hat high on 
the bump of self-esteem—his nose turned 
up at every thing—distinguished by a frantic 
disregard of the immaculacy of his shirt, or 
the tie of his neckhandkerchief 1 Mark with 
what superciliousness he views all mundane 
things. With what scorn does he gaze upon 
youths and grown people, and how con¬ 
temptible appears every thing to his High 
Daintiness that was so attractive before. 
He is a father for the first time, and the lit¬ 
tle tiny, whining cherub, is at home in em¬ 
broidered muslin; and the baby—yes, the 
baby—is as fat as butter, and weighs six and 
a quarter. An intellectual baby, too—well 
red. Think of that! Six pounds and a 
quarter and a boy at that! Bless his little 
chubby soul! What projects are running in 
that man’s brain in regard to the new-comer. 
What a long Avay into future he is gazing af¬ 
ter destiny, and he sees nothing less than a 
govenor, and mayhap a president, in the lit¬ 
tle chubby boy at home, weighing six and a 
quarter pounds. And the wife—the first ba¬ 
by she ever had—she never thought she’d 
be a mother; and wild Avith joy, she is ca¬ 
ressing the shapeless little lump, and goes 
mad Avith happiness at the comtemplation of 
her dear little sugar plum of an offspring 
weighing six and quarter pounds. The first 
baby in a nevv link to bind the wedding pair 
together and cement it—the chain Aveighing 
exactly six and quarter pounds. We con¬ 
gratulate our friend upon the hurricane of 
happiness that has befallen him, and ardent 
ly hope he will fall down no cellar Avays, or 
into any coal holes, in his up-gazing pride, 
at having assisted to add one to the numeri¬ 
cal strength of the country. 
Curiosity in Literature. —One of our ex¬ 
changes remarks : It is singular that the 
name of God should be spelt with four let¬ 
ters in almost every known language. It is 
in Latin, Ileus; French, Dieu; Greek, 
Theos ; (the sound of the th is expressed by 
one letter in the Greek;) German, Gott; 
Scandinavian, Odin; Swedish, Codd; He¬ 
brew, Adon : Syrian, Adad ; Persian, Syra ; 
Tartarian, Idga ; Spanish, Dias ; East Indian, 
Esgi or Zenl; Turkish, Addi; Egyptian, 
Aumn, or Zeut; Japanese, Zain ; Peruvian, 
Lian ; Wallachian, Zene ; Etrurian, Chur ; 
Tyrrhenian, Eher; Irish, Dieh; Croatian, 
Doga; Margarian, Oese; Arabian, Alla; 
Dalmatian, Rogt. 
Wliy Avas Adam the swiftest runner that 
ever lived 1 Because he was the first in the 
human race. 
Mackerel Story.-—' The venerable General 
B-- Avas for several consecutive years re¬ 
turned to Congress ; and as the hotels and 
boarding-houses in Washington City in those 
days, were all on a par, or rather below par, 
the members were in the habit of occupying, 
year after year, the same rooms. The table 
of General B.’s boarding-house (which was 
kept by a widow lady and her two daugh¬ 
ters) was regularly furnished with stereo¬ 
typed dinners, and at one end of the table 
ahvays appeared a broiled mackerel. 
Gen. B., whose seat was near the fish, had 
gazed so frequently upon it, (for it never 
was touched except by the cook,) that he 
kneAV it all “ by heart.” Noav, if the dis¬ 
tinguished Representative had any one pecu¬ 
liar virtue, it Avas an affectionate desire to 
make every person and every creature 
around him happy. In the course of time, 
Congress adjourned, and General B. paid 
his bill to the widow, and got ready to start 
for home. The stage stood at the door ; and 
the old gentleman, showing the goodness of 
his heart, took the widow by the hand and 
pressing it, bade her farewell; then kissing 
the daughters, said he would like to see 
them in Ohio, and furnish them with good 
husbands, &c. ; but even this Avas not all. 
The black boys, who stood along the walls, 
were not forgotten, and grinned as he hand¬ 
ed each a silver dollar. As he passed 
around the breakfast table, which was not 
yet “ cleared off,” he saw his old friend, the 
mackerel. The tears came into his eyes, 
and, raising it by the tail, with his thumb 
and finger, parted Avith it, saying: “ well, 
good bye, good bye, my old boy ; you and I 
have served a long campaign together ; but 
(wiping his eyes) I suppose we shall meet 
again next Avinter. Good bye.” The old 
gentleman rapidly left the house, and jump¬ 
ing into the stage, rattled off, and fortunately 
for his ears, the widow never saw him 
again. 
advice to lovers. 
In summer seek a sweetheart out, 
In garden, field or fallow; 
The days just now are long enough, 
The nights are mild and mellow. 
Ere winter the delicious knot 
Must be fast tied together 
No moonlight meetings in the snow 
In cold and cutting weather. 
The “ heated term ” yesterday reminded 
us of a brother editor last summer, who con¬ 
jugated the increasing heat in somewhat the 
following style : “ Hot, hotter, hottest— 
hottentot, hottentoter, hottentotest—hotten- 
tissimo, hottentissimus—hot as an oven— 
hot as two ovens—hot as seven ovens—hot!” 
His sanctum must have been exposed to an 
afternoon sun, Avithout draft or ventilation. 
Sponging it. —The last dodge Ave have heard 
in evading the State Liquor Law occurred 
yesterday at one of our fashionable drinking 
saloons. An individual walked up to the 
counter and demanded a dime bottle of bran¬ 
dy. Now, the rule is to charge fifteen cents, 
unless an empty bottle is furnished in return 
for the one received; and as the customer 
laid only a dime on the counter, the extra 
five cents Avas demanded. 
“ I don’t Avant the bottle,” said he, “draAv 
the cork.” 
“ The liquor can’t be drank on the prem¬ 
ises,” replied the bar-keeper. 
“ I aint going to drink it on your prem¬ 
ises,” replied the other, and the bar-keeper, 
supposing that he had some vessel to pour 
it into, dreAv the cork, Avhen the gentleman 
quietly pulled out a sponge from his pocket, 
and poured the liquor into it; then taking 
his seat, commenced leisurly sucking it. 
“ You see,” he said nodding complacently 
