AMERICAN AGRICULTURIST. 
THOUGHTS IN HEAVEN. 
No sickness there— 
No weary wasting of the frame away, 
No fearful shrinking from the midnight air, 
No dread of summer’s bright and fervid ray 
No hidden grief, 
No wild and cheerless vision of despair, 
No vain petition for a sweet relief, 
No tearful eyes, no broken hearts are there. 
Care has no home 
Within the realm of ceaseless prayer and song ; 
Its billows break and melt away in foam 
Far from the mansions of the spirit throng. 
The storm’s black wing 
Is now spread athwart celestial skies ; 
Its wailings blend not with the voice of spring, 
As some too tender flowret fades and dies. 
No night distils 
Its chilling dews upon the tender frame ; 
No moon is needed there. The light which fills 
That land of glory, from its Maker came. 
No parted friends 
O’er mournful recollections have to weep ; 
No bed of death-enduring love attends, 
To watch the coming of a pulseless sleep. 
No blasted flower 
Or withered bud celestial gardens know ; 
No scorching blast or fierce descending shower 
Scatters destruction like a ruthless foe. 
No battle-word 
Startles the sacred host with fear and dread ; 
The song of peace, creation’s morning heard, 
Is sung wherever angel-minstrels tread. 
Let us depart; 
If home like this awaits the weary soul, 
Look up, thou stricken one. Thy wounded heart 
Shall bleed no more at sorrow’s stern control. 
With faith our guide, 
White-robed and innocent, to lead the way, 
Why fear to plunge in Jordan’s rolling tide, 
And find the ocean of Eternal Day! 
THE NEEDLE. 
BY SAMUEL WOODWORTH. 
The gay belles of fashion may boast of excelling 
In waltz or cotillon—at whist or quadrille ; 
And seek admiration by vauntingly telling 
Of drawing, and painting, and musical skill; 
But give me the fair one, in country or city, 
Whose home and its duties are dear to her heart, 
Who cheerfully warbles some rustical ditty, 
While plying the needle with exquisite art; 
The bright little needle—the swift flying needle— 
The needle directed by beauty and art. 
If Love have a potent, a magical token, 
A talisman, ever resistless and true— 
A charm that is never evaded or broken, 
A witchery certain the heart to subdue— 
’Tis this—and his armory never has furnished 
So keen and unerring, or polished a dart; 
Let beauty direct it, so pointed and burnished, 
And Oh ! it is certain of touching the heart. 
Be wise then, ye maidens, nor seek admiration 
By dressing, for conquest, and flirting with all ; 
You never, wliate’er be your fortune or station, 
Appear half so lovely at rout or at ball, 
And gaily convened at a work-covered table, 
Each cheerfully active and playing her part, 
Beguiling the task with a song or a fable, 
And plying the needle with exquisite art. 
While Dr. Samuel Johnson was courting 
his intended wife, in order to try her, he told 
her that he had no property; and moreover 
he once had an old uncle that was hanged. 
To which the lady replied that she had no 
more property than he had ; and as to her 
relatives, although she never had one that 
was hanged, she had a member that deserved 
to be ! 
DIAMOND CUT DIAMOND. 
A little transaction in the legal line came 
off in this city yesterday, which for coolness 
and cunning, has not been surpassed for 
many a day. Our worthy friend B-, some 
time since, become surety for certain claims 
against a steamboat, and was ultimately 
sued upon the surety. Judgment was ren¬ 
dered, and after the due process of the law, 
levy was made upon a pile of bricks, and the 
time for sale was ten o’clock yesterday. 
B--- was troubled for money, and the 
times being tight, he could not raise it, and, 
with the hope to save any sacrifice of prop¬ 
erty, he sent his attorney, who, by the way, 
is notorious for cool proceeding, to the 
claiments, to procure a postponement of 
sale. The creditor was incorrigible, and 
declared he would have his money, then and 
there. The hour for sale arrived, bids were 
made, and the highest bidder was B-’s 
attorney. The bricks were knocked down, 
and the sale was over, when the attorney 
coolly buttoned his coat and walked off. The 
officer called to him to come back and settle. 
He turned round, and, to the chagrin of the 
claiment, said : “ Report to the court that I 
bid in the bricks and that I refuse to pay. I 
am responsible for the deficiency.” And so 
the sale was postponed until the court shall 
order another. [Detroit Advertiser. 
- n ■— - 
A Clergyman was once.sent for in the mid¬ 
dle of the night by one of the ladies of his 
congregation. 
“Well, my good woman,” said he, “so 
you are very ill, and require the consolations 
of religion ? What can I do for you I” 
“ No,” replied the old lady ; “ I am only 
nervous an can’t sleep.” 
“ How can I help that 1” asked the par¬ 
son. 
“ Oh, sir, you always put me to sleep so 
nicely when I go 10 church, that I thought if 
vou would only preach a little for me.” 
The parson “made tracks.” 
A Good Double Pun. —Mr. Forrest was 
serenaded at the Winthrop House. The 
next morning at the breakfast table of that 
excellent hotel, Mrs. Wood, the fascinating 
commedienne of Boston theater, was congrat¬ 
ulated on the serenade, by a gentleman who 
supposed it was intended for her. “Oh, no !” 
she readily replied, “ they passed by the 
little Wood for the great Forrest!” Mrs. 
Wood deserves the compliment of a sere¬ 
nade for her fine acting as well as wit. 
Boston Journal. 
Confidential. —“Massa says you must 
sartin pay de bill to-day,” said a negro to a 
New-Orleans shopkeeper. 
“Why, he isn’t afraid I’m going to run 
away, is he!” was the reply. 
“Not ’zactly dat—but look ahea,” said the 
darkey, slyly and mysteriously, “he’sgwine 
to run away heself, and darfo’ wants to make 
a big raise!” 
Accomodation. —(Strict business Man)— 
“ Patrick, hereafter I want you to commence 
work at five o’clock and quit at seven.” 
Patrick—“ Sure, and wouldn’t it be as well 
if I’d commence in the morning at seven and 
leave off at five in the evening V’ 
A Broad Face. —A Washington correspon¬ 
dent, in describing a beautiful young lady, 
says- 11 she had a face a painter might dwell 
upon.” 
The body oppressed by excesses, bears 
down the mind, and depresses to the earth 
any portion of the divine spirit we had been 
endowed with. 
THE CONDITIONAL MAN. 
There are some men who are never known 
to give an unconditional assent to any pro¬ 
position, however self-evident. 
We have in mind a person of this character, 
whom for the sake of convenience, we shall 
give the name of White. 
“Abeautiful morning, Mr. White,” we re¬ 
marked on one occasion. 
“ ^ es, said he, doubtingly, “ but I 
shouldn’t wonder if it rained before night.” 
“Yourpiaza is a great improvement to 
your house,” we remarked. 
“ Yes sir, but it is a little too narrow. If 
it was a foot wider it would be just the thing.” 
“ In that case, yon must like Mr. Smith’s, 
for if I am not mistaken, his is precisely that 
width.” 
“ Very true, but then it’s too high.” 
“ How do you like our new minister ? He 
is generally popular, a good preacher, a good 
pastor, and a good man.” 
“ Why, yes, I admit all that, but didn’t you 
notice, how askew his neck cloth was last 
Sunday 1” 
“ No, but admitting that to be the case, it 
was no objection to him in his official char¬ 
acter.” 
“ Why no, but then, we expect our minis¬ 
ter to pay as much respect to dress as other 
folks.” 
“ You have a fine field of potatoes, yonder, 
Mr. White?” 
“ Yes, they look well enough above ground, 
but there’s no knowing but they may be all 
rotten before they are gathered.” 
“ The new railroad will be a great thing 
for the town, and do very much to build it 
up, don't you think so ?” 
“Well, I don’t know but it may, but then it 
will be very noisy, so that a body can’t have 
a quiet moment to himself.” 
“ We must be content to submit to a little 
inconvenience for the sake of obtaining a 
great good. That is the true philosophy of 
life.” 
“Perhaps it is, but then them railroads are 
so confounded noisy.” 
Almost despairing of obtaining a straight¬ 
forward, unconditional answer to our en¬ 
quiries, we, as a last resort, pointed out a 
boy who was passing, and remarked. 
“ That boy has very dirty hands.” 
“Yes,” said Mr. White, “ yes, but—but— 
but,” he was evidently seeking some way in 
which to bring in an objection. At length 
his face brightened up and he continued— 
“but if they were washed they would be 
clearer. 
We left him to his reflection.— Waverly. 
Memoranda of an Accomplished Young 
Ladv. —The Buffalo Republic says : We re¬ 
cently picked up the following memoranda, 
which we saw dropped by a young lady at¬ 
tired in an embroidered velvet talma, an ex¬ 
quisite honiton lace collar, a white hat and 
plume, and a painfully brilliant silk dress, 
with exaggerated flounces : 
“ I must get a vail, sarceknet, gluves, 
broun hoes, laise shimmyzet, kulone.” 
We confess we were stadtled at the last 
item, but think it means cologne.” 
Our lawyer, “who filed a bill.” “ shaved 
a note,” “ cut an acquaintance,” “ split a 
hair,” “ made an entry,” “ raised a haul,” 
“ got up a case,” “ framed an indictment,” 
“ empaneled a jury,” “ put them in a box,” 
“ nailed a witness,” “hammered a judge,” 
“ chiseled a client,” and “ bored a whole 
court,” in one day, has since “laid down the 
law,” and turned carpenter. 
Enoch says he knew a man who sat up all 
night because he could not decide which to 
take off first, his boots or his coat. 
