AMERICAN AGRICULTURIST. 
SINGULAR COUPLE, 
A PERP LEXED IRISHMAN, 
A few days since, a gentleman connected 
with one of our railroad corporations, while 
taking a ride through one of our country 
towns, accompanied by his Irish servant, had 
the misfortune to have his vehicle smashed 
up, and himself and companion dashed to 
the ground, by his horse taking fright and 
running away. The gentleman was some 
what bruised but not seriously, his principal 
loss being that of his wig, which had been 
taken off, and on picking himself up, he 
found Pat in a much worse condition, hold¬ 
ing on to his head with the blood trickling 
down his fingers, and his master’s wig in his 
other hand, which he was surveying with the 
most ludicrous alarm and horror. “ Well, 
Pat,” said his master, “ are you much hurt 1” 
“Hurt, is it? Ah, master dear, do you see 
the top of my head in my hand ?” Pat, in 
his terror and confusion had mistaken his 
master’s portable head-piece for his own 
natural scalp, and evidently regarded his 
last hour as arrived. 
Boasting Young Ladies. —When you hear 
a young woman boastingly say she never 
did a “ stich of work in her life,” or that she 
can not tell a pork steak from a squash pie, 
make up your mind coolly that she’s a poor 
piece of goods, and not to be taken at any 
price. The sooner you get your hat and 
moving portions outside the door the better. 
A Yankee has invented a machine for ex¬ 
tracting the lies from quack advertisements. 
Some of them are never seen after entering 
the machine, as only the truth comes out. 
It is regarded by some as not a little re¬ 
markable that in Massachusetts, a State 
where the means of education so much 
abound, a majority of the people should after 
all turn out Know Nothings. 
Fanny Fern thinks it most provoking for 
a woman who has worked hard all day 
mending an old coat of her husband’s, to 
find a love letter from another woman in his 
pocket. Most likely. 
A retired schoolmaster excuses his passion 
for angling by saying that, from constant 
habit, he never feels quite himself unless he’s 
handling the iod. 
Some of our exchanges mention the fact 
of a “ Know-Nothing ” having been turned 
out of the society for drinking an Irish whis¬ 
ky punch with a German silver spoon in it. 
To prevent fish from smelling in the sum¬ 
mer—cut their noses off! 
Why is the letter D like a wedding-ring ? 
Because we could not be wed without it. 
► + _ _ _ 
“ Times is money.” Of course it is, or 
else how could you spend it ? 
Lavater said—Never make that man your 
friend who hates music or the laugh of a 
child. 
Henry Ward Beecher says—Genius unex¬ 
cited is no more genius than a bushel of 
acorns is a forest of oaks. 
Fear is the tax that conscience pays to 
guilt. _ _ 
He who thinks himself more wise than 
every body, is foolish. 
- ■ 1 ■<“ *■- 
To compliment vice is but one remove 
from worshiping the devil. 
Along with my brother, who w r as collect¬ 
ing matter for a work he was about to pub¬ 
lish, I visited the interesting town of Ilex- 
ham—interesting at least to him, for it was a 
fine field for historical research, although, for 
my part, I found little to admire besides its 
ancient church. The circumstance which, 
more than anything else, obtained the dingy 
tow r n a lasting place in my memory, was our 
taking a lodging with an extraordinary pair, 
an old man and womaft—husband and wife, 
who lived by themselves, without child or ser¬ 
vant, subsisting on the letting of their parlor 
and two bed-rooms. They w r ere tall, thin, 
and erect, though each seventy years of age. 
When we knocked at the door for admittance, 
they answered it together; if we rang the 
bell, the husband and wife invariably ap¬ 
peared side by side ; all our requests and de¬ 
mands were received by both, and executed 
with the utmost nicety and exactness. 
The first night, arriving late by the coach 
from Newcastle, and merely requiring a 
good fire and our tea, we w r ere puzzled to 
understand the reason of this double attend¬ 
ance ; and I remember my brother’s, rather 
irreverently, wondering whether we “ were 
always to be waited upon by these Siamese 
twins.” On ringing the bell to retire for the 
night, both appeared as usual; the wife car¬ 
rying the bed-room candlestick, the husband 
standing at the door. I gave her some di¬ 
rections about breakfast for the following 
morning, when the husband from the door 
quickly answered for her. 
“ Depend upon it, she is dumb,” whispered 
my brother. But this was not the case, 
though she rarely made use of the faculty of 
speech. 
They both attended me into my bed-room ; 
when the old lady, seeing me look with some 
surprize toward her husband, said— 
“ There's no offense meant, ma’am, by my 
husband coming with me into the chamber— 
he’s stone blind. 
“Poor man!” I exclaimed. “But why, 
then, does he not sit still I Why does he 
acccompanyyou everywhere?” 
“ It’s no use, ma’am, your speaking to my 
old woman,” said the husband ; “ she can’t 
hear you, she’s quite deaf.” 
I was astonished. Here was compensa¬ 
tion ! Could a pair be better matched? Man 
and wife were, indeed, one flesh ; for he saw 
with her eyes, and she heard with his ears ! 
It was beautiful to me ever after to watch the 
old man and woman in their inseparableness. 
Their sympathy with each other was as swift 
as electricity, and made their deprivation as 
naught. 
I have often thought of that old man and 
woman, and can not but hope, that as in life 
they were inseparable and indespensable to 
each other, so in death they might not be di¬ 
vided, but either be spared the terrible ca¬ 
lamity of being alone in the world. 
Chambers’ Journal. 
THE ORIGIN OF TURKEY EATING. 
It may be interesting to those who have 
been feasting upon the luxury which gener¬ 
ally adorns the Thanksgiving dinner table, 
to know when and where the turkey was 
first used as an article of diet. 
From a work recently published in Lon¬ 
don, upon the “ History of Food,” and which 
is appropriately dedicated to the genius of 
gastronomy—a subtle spirit supposed to have 
his residence somewhere in the region of 
the diaphragm—we learn that the turkey 
was long unknown to the Greeks, their being 
no Turkey in Europe during thier palmy 
days. Sophocles is the first who mentions 
it. In Egypt it was still more rare. It was 
first introduced into Rome in the year 115 
2$7 
before our era, where it was regarded as an 
object of uncommon curiosity. In a cen¬ 
tury later they had greatly multiplied, but 
afterwards declined again. It is said that 
the modems owe their introduction to the 
Jesuits who imported them from Asia and 
America. Hurtaut asserts that the first 
turkey was introduced in France at the 
wedding dinner of Charles IX, and that it 
was admired as a very extraordinary thing. 
Bouche, the historian of Provence, declares 
that the French are indebted for the Turkey 
to Kinge Rene ; and Beekman again denies 
its existence in France previous to the 16th 
century. 
HOW TO IMPEDE THE PROGRESS OF BURGLARS 
We may remark for the benefit of those 
who are affected by nervous apprehensions 
of their houses being “ burglariously entered 
and their property feloniously abstracted,” 
to use the beautiful language of the law, that 
there is no precautionary measure better 
worth observing than that of carefully lock¬ 
ing on the outside the door of every room on 
the ground-floor, and leaving the key in the 
lock. There are three things, it is said, of 
which the housebreaker has a professional 
horror—a little dog loose, an infant unweaned 
and a sick person in extremis. The first is 
an abomination seldom permitted where 
there is anything worth stealing; the second, 
a misfortune which nature kindly suffers 
only to exist at considerable intervals ; the 
the third, a calamity to which we may hope 
not to be subjected very often in a lifetime. 
In the absence then of these unwelcome de¬ 
fences, every door secured as above makes 
an additional fortification against the enemy. 
The thief having, perhaps, effected a skillful 
and elaborate entrance into your dining-room, 
where he finds no bod}’' but an extinguished* 
lamp, and a volume of prayers, must commit 
a fresh burglary before he can reach your 
study, or wherever you keep your small 
stock of ready money for household expen¬ 
ses ; and though he came in at the window, 
reversing the usual order of things with an 
unwelcome visitor, he finds it no easy matter 
to get out at the door. The probability is, 
he will hardly work through three solid inches 
of mahogany (for he can not coveniently 
pick the lock if the key is left in it) without, 
some little noise. Thus (although to the 
damage of your upholstery) you get an addi¬ 
tional chance of being aroused, and a few 
rcgnutes more time to betake yourself to 
your weapons, whether they consist of an 
unloaded blunderbuss, a twelve-barrel revolv¬ 
er (out of order), or a hand candle-stick and 
a short brass-poker. In the meantime your 
placens uxor, uttering piercing shrieks out at 
the window, alarms' the country for miles 
round, and, what is more to the purpose, 
frightens the robber of his wits, who de¬ 
camps incontinently, leaving no further 
marks of his visits then a window-frame 
spoilt, an inkstand or a jar of curry powder 
upset, and a small box of lucifer matches, 
his own property, and seized on by you as 
the spulia optima of this bloodless victory. 
Frazer’s Magazine. 
Ida May. —The Springfield Republican of 
a late date says : 
The widow of Charles C. Torrey, the ab¬ 
olitionist, who died in prison at Baltimore 
while confined there for helping slaves to 
run away, is the writer of the new and pop¬ 
ular novel of “ Ida May.” She resides in 
Maine. Her maiden name was Mary Ide, 
the daughter of Rev. Dr. Ide, of Medway, 
Mass. The name of her book and its hero¬ 
ine is but a simple modification of her own. 
A man is, in the sight of God, what his 
habitual and cherished wishes are. 
