AMERICAN AGRICULTURIST 
379 
grinders, as he held them in his hand, and 
then at the patient, and at last, with a faint 
smile, said—“ I guess he'll live." 
THE DEACON AND THE IRISHMAN- 
A few months ago ; as Deacon Ingalls, of 
Swampscott, Rhode-Island, was traveling 
through the western part of the State of 
New-York, he fell in with an Irishman who 
had lately arrived in this country, and who 
was in quest of a brother that came on be¬ 
fore him and settled in some of the diggins 
in that vicinity. 
Pat was a strong, athletic man, a true Cath¬ 
olic, and had never seen the interior of a 
Protestant Church. It was a pleasant Sab¬ 
bath morning, that brother Ingalls met Pat, 
who inquired the way to the nearest church. 
Ingalls was a good pious man. He told 
Pat he was going to church himself, and in¬ 
vited his new made acquaintance to keep 
him company thither, his place of destina¬ 
tion being a small meeting house near by. 
There was a great revival there at the time, 
and one of the deacons (who, by the way, 
was very small in stature,) invited brother 
Ingalls to take a seat in his pew. He ac¬ 
cepted the invitation, and walked in, fol¬ 
lowed by Pat, who looked in vain to find the 
altar, et -. After he was seated, he turned 
to brother Ingalls, and in a whisper, which 
could be heard all round, inquired : 
“ Sure, isn't this a hiritic church !” 
“ Hush,” said Ingalls. “ If you speak a 
loud word, they will put you out.” 
“ Divil a word will I speak, at all, at all,” 
replied Pat. 
The meeting was opened with prayer by 
the pastor. Pat was eyeing him very close¬ 
ly, when an old gentleman who was standing 
in the pew directly in front of Pat, shouted 
“ Glory!” 
“His-t-t, ye clear divil,” rejoined Pat, with 
his loud whisper, which was clearly heard 
by the minister, “ be dacent, and don’t make 
a blackguard of yourself.” 
The parson grew more and more fervent 
in his devotions. Presently the deacon ut¬ 
tered and audible groan. 
“ His-t-t, you blackguard, have you no da- 
eency; at all, at all V said Pat, at the same 
moment giving the deacon a punch in the 
ribs which caused him nearly to lose his 
equilibrium. 
The minister stopped, and extending his 
hand in a supplicating manner, said : 
“ Bretheren, we can not be disturbed in 
this manner. Will some one put that man 
out V' 
“ Yes, your riverence,” shouted Pat, “I 
will!” and suiting the action to the word, he 
collared the deacon, and to the utter horror 
and astonishment of the pastor, brother In¬ 
galls, and the whole congregation, he drag¬ 
ged him through the aisle, and with a tre¬ 
mendous kick he landed him in the vestibule 
of the church. 
“ Be not unequally Yoked Together.”— 
The Detroit Advertiser relates an instance 
of an ox being killed and a sled broken to 
pieces by a railroad car, and all because the 
ox could not understand French. The facts 
of the case were these. The team, consist¬ 
ing of one English and one French ox, draw¬ 
ing a heavy load of wood and driven by a 
French driver, was crossing the track when 
the express train of ears made its appear¬ 
ance. The driver, in great excitement, im¬ 
mediately ordered his oxen to chuck (the 
French for “ haw,”) The French ox under¬ 
stood him, and turning off the track, saved 
himself from injury ; but the English ox, 
having never studied the languages, pressed 
further on, and was instantly killed. This 
case should be a warning to farmers to have 
their oxen properly educated. 
The Weather—On the “ Machine.”— 
Phew! p-h-e-w! Julius Caesar ! Je-ru-salem ! 
aint this a freezer ! Such frosted windows ! 
such blue noses ! such aching hands and fro¬ 
zen toes-es ! Such tied up ears and stock- 
in’d feet, a fellow sees along the street; 
such craunching wheels and sorry horses, 
with ice all hanging to probosces ; and dri¬ 
vers buried in great coats, whole dry-good- 
stores around their throats ; while, dripping 
from their nasal tips, icy rheum slowly drips; 
and frosty lids dull eyes o’erhang, as feebly 
mutter they “ g’lang !” Each Jehu weeping ; 
tears falling, as though ’twere but a sorry 
calling; he tries to swear : but vain the 
sham ; in either sense his “ eyes to dam^n).” 
Your bearded traveler’s vaJanced phiz de¬ 
notes the fierce degree of “ friz,” for whisk¬ 
ers dyed with care, at cost, Dame Nature, 
gratis, dyes with frost; until the chilly faces 
glow like uncooked meat, “ garm" with 
snow; while girls, (dear creatures !) fur en¬ 
veloped, with nothing ’bove the feet devel¬ 
oped, (for they, poor souls, are so near froze 
up—to-day they can not lift their clothes 
up,) skip swiftly’long the icy pave, their pre¬ 
cious little toes to save. 
You meet a friend ; he stops and mutters ; 
“ It’s awful cold !” that’s all he utters ; and 
so it is—too cold to talk ; too cold to run, 
too cold to walk ; too cold to sit, too cold to 
stand; too cold to hear or understand ; but, 
reader, you need not be told that now the 
weather’s awful cold; nor need you (as we 
hope) reminding, that Poverty just now is 
grinding ; the chill blast howling at the door, 
is loudest where the inmate’s poor. Oh ! if 
his larder’s idle, empty, while yours over¬ 
flowing is with plenty; if shivering round 
him children cling, while yours the song of 
plenty sing ; glad shall it be with you, when 
old, if you but think “ poor Tom’s a-cold.” 
Halloa ! what’s this 1 Gas going out' Is 
that, too, frozen ! Shout, boy, shout! ma¬ 
chine’s breaking!—freezing—s-s-i-z-z/ All 
that’s over.— Worcester Tran. 
ORIGIN OF PHRASES. 
“ He’s cut a Dido.” It is told in history 
that Dido, a Queen of Tyre, about eight 
hundred and seventy years before Christ, 
(led from that place on the murder of her 
husband, and with a colony settled on the 
northern coast of Africa, where she built 
Carthage. Being in want of land, she bar¬ 
gained with the natives for as much land as 
she could surround with a bull’s hide. Hav¬ 
ing made the agreement, she cut a bull’s 
hide into thin strings, and tying them to¬ 
gether, claimed as much land as she could 
surround with the long line she had thus 
made. The natives allowed the cunning 
Queen to have her way, but when any body 
played off a sharp trick, they said she had 
“ cut a Dido ;” and the phrase has come up 
to our day. 
“ Caught a Tartar.” In some battle be¬ 
tween the Russians and the Tartars, who 
are a wild sort of nation in the north of 
Asia, a private soldier called out, “ Captain, 
hold on there, I’ve caught a tartar!” “ Fetch 
him along then,” said the Captain. “ Ay, 
but he wont let me !” said the man ; and the 
fact was the Tartar had caught him. So 
when a man thinks to take another in, and 
get’s bit himself, they say, “ He caught a 
Tartar.” 
“Carrying the war into Africa.” In one 
of the famous wars between Carthage and 
Rome, about two thousand five hundred 
years ago, Hannibal, the Carthagenian lead¬ 
er, and one of the most wonderful men of 
antiquity, led his army into Italy, and for 
several years continued to threaten the city 
and lay waste the surrounding country. 
Scipio, a Roman general, saw the necessity 
of getting rid of Hannibal and his forces. 
So he determined to lead an army into Africa, 
and threaten Carthage ; and thus make it 
necessary for Hannibal to return home for 
his defense. This scheme had its desired 
effect; and in all time this retaliating upon 
an enemy, by adopting his own tactics, is 
called “ carrying the war into Africa.” 
THE WIFE’S INFLUENCE-A CONTRAST. 
“ This is pleasant,” exclaimed the young 
husband, taking his seat cosily in the rock¬ 
ing-chair, as the things were removed. The 
fire glowing in the grate revealed a pretty 
neatly furnished sitting room, with all the 
appliances of comfort. The fatiguing busi¬ 
ness of the day was over, and he sal enjoy¬ 
ing what he had all day been anticipating, 
the delights of his own fireside. His pretty 
wife, Esther, took her work and sat down by 
the table. 
“ It is pleasant to have a home of one’s 
own,” he again said, taking a satisfactory 
survey of his little quarters. The cold rain 
beat against the windows, and he thought he 
really felt grateful for all his present com¬ 
forts. 
“ Now, if we ouly had a piano,” exclaimed 
the wife. 
“Give me the music of your own sweet 
voice, before all the pianos in creation,” he 
declared complimentarily, beside a certain r 
secret disappointment that his wife's thank¬ 
fulness did not happily chime in with his 
own. 
“ Well, but we want one for our friends,” 
said Esther. 
“ Let our friends come and see us, and not 
to hear a piano,” exclaimed the husband. 
“But, George, everybody has a piano now- 
a-days, we don’t go any where without see¬ 
ing a piano,” persisted the wife. 
“ And yet I don’t know what we want one 
for—you will have no time to play one, and 
I don’t want to hear it.” 
“ They’re so fashionable—I think our room 
looks nearly naked without one.” 
“ I think it looks just right.” 
“ I think it looks very naked—we want a 
piano shockingly,” protested Esther em¬ 
phatically. 
The husband rocked violently. 
“ Your lamp smokes, my dear,” said he, 
after a long pause. 
“ When are you going to get an astral 
lamp l I have told you a dozen times how 
much we needed one,” said Esther pettishly. 
“ Those are very pretty lamps—I can nev¬ 
er see by an astral lamp,” said her husband. 
“ But, George, I do not think our room is 
complete without an astral lamp,” said Es¬ 
ther sharply. 
The husband moved uneasily in his chair. 
“ We want to live as well as others,” said 
Esther. 
“ We want to live within our means, Es¬ 
ther,” exclaimed George. 
“ I am sure we can afford it as well as the 
Morgans, and Millers, and Thorns—we do 
not wish to appear mean.” 
George’s cheek crimsoned. 
“ Mean ! I am not mean!” he cried an¬ 
grily- 
“ Then we do not wish to appear so,” said 
the wife. “ To complete this room, and 
make it look like other people’s we want a 
piano and an astral lamp.” 
“ We—we want!” muttered the husband, 
“ there’s no satisfying woman’s wants, do 
what you may,” and he abruptly left the 
room. 
How many husbands are in a similar di¬ 
lemma ? How many houses and husbands 
are rendered uncomfortable by the dissatis¬ 
faction of a wife with present comforts and 
present provisions 1 How many bright pros¬ 
pects for business have ended in bankruptcy 
and ruin, in order to satisfy this secret han- 
