AMERICAN AGRICULTURIST. 
299 
other folks, and shirk their duty and don’t lay, 
as if we could afford to keep them for nothing. 
Some folks will put up with it. But I won’t, I 
won’t be imposed upon by no hen, no indeed. 
I know their eggs, and I can tell as sure as ever 
was, who does lay and who don’t. Them that 
lays, I let have their liberty, and go around and 
pick and scratch and court the roosters, and 
tantalize each other and do just about what 
they please. But them that don’t I allers put 
under the tub. The handles, you see, dear, 
have just crack enough for them to see the other 
hens enjoying themselves—and its aggravating- 
enough I know. Sometimes they’re mighty 
stubborn, and won’t give in; but eventually, 
they come to their milk, as the saying is, and 
lay an egg—and then I let ’em out. This hen 
is the contrariest hen I’ve ever seen. I don’t 
much expect to get an egg out of her before 
four o’clock? But it’s got to come out. Yes 
indeed!” 
Luckily for the hen, it did “ come out ” in 
the course of an hour, and she was liberated, 
and went off cackling proudty, evidently cheered 
by the pleasing consciousness of having done 
her duty. —Literary Museum. 
-- 
HOW TO TELL A GOOD TEACHER. 
For quiet humor, the following old story can¬ 
not be excelled. We should really like to know 
who wrote it: 
A gentleman from Swampville, State of New- 
York, was telling how many different occupa¬ 
tions he had attempted. Among others he had 
tried school teaching. 
“ How long did you teach!” asked a by¬ 
stander. 
“ Wal, I didn’t teach long; that is, I only 
went to teach. 
“ Did you hire out ?” 
“Wal, I didn’t hire out; I only went to hire 
out.” 
“ Why did you give it up ?” 
“ Wal, I gave it up—for some reason or 
nuther. You see, I travelled into a deestrict 
and inquired for the trustees. Somebody said 
Mr. Snickels was the man I wanted to see. So 
I found Mr. Snickels—named my objict, inter¬ 
ducting myself—and asked him what he thought 
about letting me try my luck with the big boys 
and unruly gals in the deestrict. He wanted to 
know if I raaly considered myself cap’ble; and 
I told him I wouldn’t mind his asking me a few 
easy questions in ’rithmetic and ’jography, or 
showing my hand writing. But he said no, 
never mind, he could tell a good teacher by his 
gait." 
“Let me see you walk off a little ways,” says 
he, “ and I can tell,” says he, “jis’s well’s I’d 
heerd you examined,” says he. 
“He sot in the door, as he spoke, and I 
thought he looked a little skittish: but I was 
considerable frustrated , and didn’t mind much; 
so I turned about and walked off as smart as I 
know’d how.” He said he’d tell me when to 
stop, so I kep’ on till I thought I’d gone far 
enough—then I s’pected s’thing was to pay, and 
looked round. Wal, the door was shet, and 
Srdcicles was gone /” 
“ Did you go back ?” 
“ Wal, no—I didn’t go back!” 
“ Did you apply for another school ?” 
“Wal, no—I didn’t apply for another school,” 
said the gentleman from Swampville. “ I ra¬ 
ther judged my appearance was against me.” 
Chinese Bill of Fare.— A California paper 
gives the following as a regular bill of fare at a 
Chinese restaurant in that city : 
“ Cat Cutlet, 25 cents ; Griddled Rats, 6 cents; 
Dog Soup, 12 cents; Roast Dog, 18 cents; Dog 
Pie, 6 cents.” 
Retort.— “If I were so unlucky,” said an 
officer, “as to have a stupid son, 1 would cer¬ 
tainly by all means, make him a parson.” 
A clergyman, who was in the company, 
calmly replied, “You think differently, sir, from 
your father.” 
- O* - 
Losing ms Soul. —A man well clad and appa¬ 
rently “ well to do,” passing along East Broad¬ 
way yesterday, dropped a pocket-book as pleth¬ 
oric and well to do as himself. A mannikin of 
a fellow with red cheeks, bright eyes, and toes 
that could be counted every one, through the 
worn and tattered shoes, spied the fallen treasure, 
picked it up, and bounded on with might and 
main after the unconscious loser. 
“Here, sir! Here’s yo-ur pocket-bo-o-k!” 
panted the little fellow. The man stopped qui¬ 
etly, took the book, opened it, rapidly ran over 
the bills—5s—10s—20s. 
There was a little silver—dimes, shillings, 
quarters, and among them a poor, dingy-looking 
penny, just one, sole representative of the whole 
Lake Superior regions. 
It was all right—every bill, atom of silver, 
even to the dear little penny, was there. 
The man seemed to be musing. What would 
he do, thought the boy; what would he do, 
thought we. Perhaps he would give him a dol¬ 
lar—certainly a quarter—at least a shilling. 
Maybe he would take him into a neighboring 
shoe store and buy him a substantial pair of 
little boots. That would be better still. At 
least he would purchase a pair of warm, woolen 
mittens—nice red and white mittens—for the 
little man who looked up so earnestly and hon¬ 
estly into his face. Slowly he fingered the 
change in the pocket-book. He takes out a 
coin and deliberately and with a generous smile 
placed in the open palm of the lad a whole cent. 
The recipient of this unexpected gift gave a 
second look at the coin, to make sure it was no 
optical delusion, and another at the man, to 
make sure it was a man—of which, by the way, 
he had some small doubt—and dropping the 
penny into the capacious pocket of his bene¬ 
factor’s overcoat, archly said, “ Don’t rob your¬ 
self, sir,’’and darted away over the frozen ground, 
convinced, no doubt, that he had seen a man 
for once, who carried his soul in his pocket- 
book.— Tribune. 
EUROPEAN FASHIONS. 
Letters from Paris state that the extrava¬ 
gance in dress for the last winter will be out¬ 
done by the magnificence of the toilettes in pre¬ 
paration for the approaching season. Enor¬ 
mously expensive toilettes are not confined to 
the older members of society; the juvenile part 
of the beau-monde is loaded with velvets, em¬ 
broideries, flounces, and feathers, xls an in¬ 
stance of the vanity and extravagance of private 
families in Paris, we may cite an instance in 
which a baptismal dress of an infant has been 
prepared of exquisite embroidery and lace, at an 
expense of eighteen thousand dollars. The es¬ 
tablishment where these tiny articles were pro¬ 
duced has been thronged with lady visitors to 
see the rich and costly dress in which the little 
creature is to renounce the pomps and vanities 
of the world. 
Spreading Herself. —Once upon a time an 
old lady sent her grandson out to set a turkey. 
On his return, the following dialogue took 
place: 
“ Sammy, have you set her?” 
“ Yes, grandma.” 
“ Fixed the nest all up nicely?” 
“ Mighty fine, grandma.” 
“ How many eggs did you put under her ?” 
“ One hundred and twenty, grandma.” 
“ Why, Sammy, what did you put so many 
under her for ?” 
“ Grandma, I wanted to see her spread her¬ 
self" _^_ 
A Newspaper.— Dr. Johnson, when in the 
fulness of years and knowledge, said : “ I never 
took up a newspaper without finding something 
I would have deemed it a loss not to have seen ; 
never without deriving from it instruction and 
amusement.” 
The Only Child. —From the bottom of our 
heart do we pity the only child. We care not 
how large the fortune that awaits that only son 
or daughter, we do not envy their position. 
When we behold one, who will soon be the sole 
heir to all a parent’s wealth, we do not have any 
envious feelings arise within our bosom towards 
that favored one; but we pity them, that they 
have no kind brother or sister, to share alike their 
wealth and affections. They may be the idol of 
idolating parents, but they know not the value 
of a brother’s love, or the priceless wealth of a 
fond sister’s affection. We would not exchange 
a sister’s love [for all the untold wealth of Gol- 
conda’s mines. Oft do we take a retrospective 
glance down the dim and shadowy valley of the 
past, and mingle in happy scenes again with the 
loved ones at home. There was no envy there, 
in our happy home circle. Oft as we have gath¬ 
ered around the festal board, have we thanked 
God that there were others, near and dear to 
us, to share that mother’s love, and father’s 
guardian care .—Louisville Christian Advocate. 
-©O'©- 
Western Settlers. —A wag was one day 
speaking of two of his acquaintances who had 
gone west, where new comers were usually at¬ 
tacked the first season, with the ague, and said 
he— 
“ Neither of these two men will be afflicted.” 
“Why not?” inquired a bystander. 
“ Because,” was the reply, “ one of them is 
too lazy to shake, and the other won’t shake 
unless he gets pay for it.” 
TnERE cannot be a surer proof of low origin, 
or of an innate meaness of disposition than to 
be always talking and thinking of being gen¬ 
teel. 
Igarka 
From the Mark Lane Express, Dec. 26tli. 
REVIEW OF THE BRITISH CORN TRADE. 
The upward movement in prices which com¬ 
menced about a fortnight ago has continued, and 
the rise since we last addressed our readers has 
amounted to 3s. and 4s. per quarter at most of 
the provincial markets. The advance has been 
most decided in those parts of the country where 
no stocks of foreign Wheat are held, and where 
buyers have consequently had to depend entirely 
on the growers for supplies. The latter, instead 
of increasing (as they usually do about Christms 
time) have diminished, and this has naturally 
given rise to the belief that farmers have already 
parted with so large a proportion of the last de¬ 
ficient crop as to render them indifferent about 
realizing. It is of course impossible to ascertain 
with any degree of accuracy what the stocks in 
growers’ hands may be, but the result of care¬ 
ful inquiry would lead to the impression that, in 
proportion to the extent of the yield, they have 
delivered freely ever since harvest. 
We have now arrived at a period of the year 
when importations may be expected to fall off; 
and if the quantity of home-grown Wheat here¬ 
after brought forward should be as small as the 
deliveries have been of late, any decrease in the 
foreign arrivals would be very speedily felt. As 
it is, supplies have hardly more than kept pace 
with demand. In many of the principal places 
west, as well as north, scarcely any stocks are 
held: indeed, if we except London and Liver¬ 
pool, the quantity of foreign bread-stuffs in the 
kingdom is really insignificant; and it would be 
vain, therefore, to expect' any decline in prices 
during the winter months. Beyond what is 
known to be no passage from America to this 
country, no supplies of moment can be safely 
reckoned on till the spring. It may, therefore, 
well be questioned whether the arrival of the 
long-looked-for aid from the other side of the 
Atlantic will have any depressing effect on quo¬ 
tations. 
The eastern question has now arrived at such 
a point as to render the interference of England 
