THE HOKFOUS OF HORSEMANSHIP. 
511 
the functions of that most terrific of all animals, whether bipeds, 
quadrupeds, or centipedes—the horse. O how^ delightful it will 
be to ride on a chare:er w hich can neither bite, or kick, or start, 
or rear, or run away !—unless you fancy it. \\ hat comfort thus 
to bestride, as it w'ere, an ambling tea-kettle, or a bubbling but 
docile boiler, instead of that wild, capering, self-willed monster, 
whose chief pastime appears to be to give his rider as much un¬ 
easiness as he can whilst he carries him, and to fling him from 
his back as soon as he finds a convenient opportunity. Com¬ 
mend me to a horse of metal, if vou will—but then it must 
belong; to the mineral and not the animal kingdom. I should 
have no objection to the tea-kettle prancing or capricoling, if I 
myself, as would be the case w ith that amenable steed, w^ere the 
originator of those frolics, and could put an end to them in a 
moment of my own free-will, whenever my Pegasus became too 
hot and spirited, by the curb of a safety-valve, i^ay, perhaps I 
should fancy to disport myself sometimes in Hyde Park (I do 
not think I v/ould venture it in the streets), and would, like other 
Nimrods, feel an anxiety to exhibit my kettlemanship and chi¬ 
valry in the eyes of the fair. But, indeed, this desire for display 
is childish ; and I w^ould seek to restrain it, as far as the hot blood 
and impetuosity of youth, its disregard of danger, its thoughtless 
adventurous, daring, though generous and gallant spirit, w^ould 
allow- me. The legitimate object of riding, w hether blood or steam 
give vigour to the horse, is locomotion, or the safe and perhaps 
speedy transference of our persons from place to place. Certain 
modifications of this principle may be looked upon as embellish¬ 
ments ; but sure I am, that whilst they do not tend to enhance 
velocity, they signally contribute to the amount of risk. 
Riding is with me one of the trials of life, and yet I occa¬ 
sionally undergo it; for, strange as it may appear, I have the 
greatest repugnance—a repugnance that even surpasses my 
dread of horses—to be thought an inexperienced equestrian, much 
more a timid one. IMy solicitude is ever on its guard to conceal 
my infirmity ; and if my name w ere attached to this avow al of it, 
I think I should never survive the disgrace. Therefore, though 
I hold the quadruped which is the hero of these pages in utter 
abhorrence, I alw'ays, when in company with strangers, and the 
subject is introduced, feign a partiality for the brute—talk 
learnedly about spavins, sand-cracks, wind-galls, lampas, &c. : 
sometimes also join the tribe who visit the stables ; nay, in order 
to sustain my assumed character, venture to approach the ani¬ 
mals, pat them, &c. Before, however, proceeding to this pitch 
of temerity, 1 take care to select the horse which seems the most 
quiet, and even then, in bestowing upon him my dissemldcd 
