LETTERS. 85 
would also suffer for the same and only crime 
of which I have been guilty. But I am to be 
the victim. Alas ! my youthful inexperience, 
and no depravity of will, is the sole cause to 
which I can attribute my misfortunes. But so 
far from repining at my fate, I received it with 
a dreadful kind of joy, composure, and serenity 
of mind, well assured that it has pleased God to 
point me out as a subject through whom some 
greatly useful (though, at present, unsearch- 
able) intention of the Divine attributes may be 
carried into execution for the future benefit 
of my country. Then why should I repine at 
being made a sacrifice for the good of perhaps 
thousands of my fellow- creatures ? Forbid it, 
Heaven ! Why should I be sorry to leave a 
world in which I have met with nothing but 
misfortunes, and all their concomitant evils ? 
" I will, on the contrary, endeavour to divest 
myself of all wishes for the futile and sublunary 
enjoyments of it, and prepare my soul for its 
reception into the bosom of its Bedeemer. 
"For though the very strong recommenda- 
tion I have had to his Majesty's mercy by all 
the members of the court may meet with his 
approbation, yet that is but the balance of a 
straw, a mere uncertainty upon which no hope 
can be built. The other is a certainty which 
must one day happen to every mortal. There- 
fore the salvation of my soul requires my most 
powerful exertions, during the short time I may 
have to remain on earth. 
" As this is too tender a subject for me to 
inform my unhappy and distressed mother and 
