THE  RURAL  NEW-YORKER. 
June  18 
4o6 
When  I  Blowed  the  Organ. 
H.  W.  C. 
Often  git  to  thinkin'  hard  of  the  days  back  East, 
I’s  a  little  feller  then  with  a  faith  like  yeast, 
Puffin’  all  the  future  up— glad  I  couldn’t  see 
IJow  the  snags  and  snarls  of  life  had  It  In  for  me. 
Often  think  of  old-time  friends— Mary  Ann  an'  Jim, 
Barnes’s  folks  an’  Billy  Smith— what's  become  of  him? 
Wonder  where  they  live  at  now— many  of  'em  dead? 
Be  they  happy  ?  Such  idees  wander  through  my  head. 
How’s  things  gone  In  all  them  years  ?  That’s  what  I’d 
Inquire 
Since  I  blowed  the  organ  In  the  old  church  choir. 
Paid  me  quite  a  salary  to  provide  the  breath, 
Four  dollars  annually,  payable  at  death. 
Leastways  l  alius  found  collections  mighty  slow; 
Didn't  git  around  to  me— treasury  was  low; 
Pastor  had  a  baby  an’  struck  'em  for  his  pay, 
Said  If  they  ain’t  square  him  up  ’at  he  wouldn’t  stay. 
Big  calls  for  money  there— I  was  minus— still 
'Fore  I’d  quit  that  organ  job,  you’d  a-had  ter  kill 
Me  an'  blow  my  ashes  out  from  the  steeple’s  spire, 
When  I  blowed  the  organ  In  the  old  church  choir. 
Once  they  was  a  feller  come— thought  he’s  mighty 
smart, 
Said  he'd  bet  a  dollar  bill  ’at  I  couldn't  start 
Fair,  au'  jest  by  pumpin’  In  hard  ez  I  could  pump, 
Bust  the  organ  bellus  out;  y'orter  see  me  jump 
Up  an’  work  the  organ  pump  till  1  run  with  sweat, 
Lamed  my  back,  but  bellus  ain’t  ben  busted  yet. 
When  I  quit  they  plnted  me  where  the  wind  run  out 
When  the  bellus  crowded  full— what  a  laugh  an  shout 
Was  on  me;  my  spirits  then  sorter  seemed  to  tire, 
When  I  blowed  the  organ  in  the  old  church  choir. 
War'n't  a  mite  of  discount  now  on  our  old  quartette, 
Memory  brings  the  echo  back  of  their  slngln’  yet; 
Bass  wuz  sung  by  Peter  Sears— kep  the  pauper  farm. 
He  could  sing  way  down  to  H— done  his  lungs  no 
harm. 
BUI  McKee  sung  tenor  so  you  could  sit  an’  hear 
Them  sweet  notes  jest  die  away  in  the  distance  clear; 
Pastor’s  sister  sung  the  air— never  split  a  note, 
Seems  as  though  she  had  a  bird  slngln'  in  her  throat; 
School  marm  sung  the  alto  part  way  down  to  her  feet, 
Tenor’s  voice  jest  stuck  right  out  from  her  low  notes 
sweet. 
When  they  struck  Old  Hundred  up  Heaven  was 
surely  nlgher, 
When  I  blowed  the  organ  In  the  old  church  choir. 
Ole  MIbs  Smith  was  organist,  spectacled  ole  maid; 
Jest  beats  all  what  tender  words  that  ole  organ  said 
When  she  run  her  knuckled  hands  up  an’  down  the 
keys; 
Treble  notes  jest  whisperin’  like  a  summer  breeze, 
When  she  tetched  the  lower  notes  with  the  bellus 
full. 
That  ole  organ  jest  gut  mad— bellered  like  a  bull. 
I  d  jest  fill  her  up  with  wind  till  the  church  would 
shake. 
Don’t  make  no  such  music  now  like  we  used  to  make. 
Strangers  used  to  turn  their  heads,  eyein’  us  like  fire, 
When  I  blowed  the  organ  In  the  old  church  choir. 
Once  a  stranger  woman  walked  right  up  In  the  choir; 
Didn’t  know  jest  who  she  was— warn’t  time  to  Inquire. 
Sing?  My  stars!  the  angels  don't  give  no  sweeter 
note; 
Echoes  from  the  throne  above  ’round  us  seemed  to 
float. 
1  jest  stood  there  lieart-ln-throat— clean  forgot  to 
pump. 
Bellus  empty  !  organist  on  the  keys  went  thump  ! 
When  the  song  stopped,  Deacon  Grim  passed  around 
his  hat; 
Knowed  he’d  pick  up  all  folks  had  with  ’em  after  that. 
We  all  felt  jest  lifted  up— never  gut  up  higher 
When  I  blowed  the  organ  In  the  old  church  choir. 
Tell  ye.  them  was  good  ole  days,  happiness  and  peace 
All  the  rugged  ways  of  life  used  to  smooth  and  grease 
TUI  ye  slid  along  through  life,  happy  an'  content. 
As  fer  things  that  vex  folks— we  ain't  know  what  they 
meant. 
Lots  of  organs  run  by  steam,  so  they  tell  me  now. 
I’ll  bet  they  ain’t  equal  to  hand  work  anyhow. 
Wished  I'd  kep  my  practice  up— I  can  t  play  or  sing; 
Kz  fer  music,  pumpin’  wind's  jest  the  only  thing 
I  can  do;  but  maybe  I’ll  strike  a  job  up  higher 
-To  help  blow  the  organ  In  that  big  church  choir. 
Odds  and  Ends. 
Both  Satisfied. — A  bargain  that  gave 
singular  satisfaction  is  recorded  by  a  St. 
Louis  paper  as  follows  : 
ITp  came  a  Boston  tourist,  very  rich 
and  very  deaf.  When  he  had  anything 
to  say  he  shouted  it,  as  is  the  habit  of 
deaf  people,  and  everybody  in  the  neigh¬ 
borhood  heard  him  exclaim  :  “  I’ve  taken 
a  great  fancy  to  that  horse  of  yours, 
Captain.  How  much  do  you  want  for 
him  ?”  “  Three  hundred  dollars,”  \v£s 
the  answer.  “  Too  much,”  said  the  deaf 
man,  who  had  not  caught  the  figures 
quoted  by  the  Captain  ;  “  but” — with  the 
air  of  a  man  who  knows  how  to  make  a 
bargain — “  I’ll  give  you  $400  for  him.” 
“  Done,”  came  the  quick  acceptance  ;  and 
it  was  hard  to  tell  who  was  the  better 
pleased,  the  man  who  made  that  $100  or 
the  man  who  thought  he  had. 
Deaf  men  do  not,  as  a  rule,  shout — in 
fact,  most  of  them  speak  in  a  low  tone  as 
they  hear  their  own  voice  more  easily 
than  that  of  another. 
Another  deaf  man  was  Jacob  Bowers 
who  was  a  great  admirer  of  the  Henry 
Clay  blood.  Wallace’s  Monthly  tells  this 
story  about  Bowers,  “who  was  all  horse.” 
When  his  -wife  was  taken  ill,  he  drove 
a  daughter  of  Henry  Clay  to  the  village 
of  Victor  to  fetch  the  doctor,  A  sympa¬ 
thetic  friend  came  running  out  to  inquire 
as  to  the  health  of  Mrs.  Bowers.  Jake 
—as  he  was  termed — did  not  hear  very 
clearly  ;  and  he  took  for  granted  that  it 
must  be  the  mare  which  created  interest, 
so  he  scandalized  his  neighbor  by  the 
reply,  “  She  trots  like  the  very  devil.” 
The  Prescription  Game. — Many  are 
the  devices  resorted  to  by  rogues  and 
scoundrels  to  obtain  the  genuine  signa¬ 
tures  of  farmers.  There  are  many  plaus¬ 
ible  stories  that  serve  to  catch  some 
incautious  farmer.  Here  is  the  latest 
dodge : 
A  well-dressed  man,  driving  through 
the  country  selling  fruit  trees,  stops  at 
a  farmer’s  house.  While  there  he  is 
taken  very  ill,  and  asks  the  farmer  to 
hand  him  a  bottle  of  medicine  out  of  a 
grip,  which,  however,  he  fails  to  find. 
He  then  asks  him  to  go  or  send  somebody 
to  town  for  a  prescription,  giving  him  a 
fountain  pen  and  a  fruit-tree  blank  on 
which  to  write  the  prescription,  and  as 
the  medicine  is  of  such  a  nature  as  to  re¬ 
quire  the  purchaser’s  signature  the  unsus¬ 
pecting  farmer  signs  it.  Just  then  stran¬ 
ger  No.  2  makes  his  appearance  from  the 
opposite  direction,  going  to  town.  He 
stops  for  a  drink  of  water,  and  as  he  is 
coming  back  at  once  and  is  visiting  in  the 
neighborhood,  he  is  asked  to  take  the 
prescription  to  town.  Shortly  after  he 
has  gone  No.  1  finds  his  medicine,  re¬ 
covers,  and  goes  to  town.  In  a  few  days 
the  farmer  has  to  pay  a  note  and  the  pre¬ 
scription  never  comes  back. 
The  following  is  floating  about  the 
country  in  numerous  exchanges  and  is 
credited  to  the  Kansas  Farmer : 
Butterine  contains  about  50  per  cent  of  neutral 
lard,  28  per  cent  of  creamery  butter,  and  22  per  cent 
of  oleo  oil.  Neutral  lard  is  the  kidney  fat  of  a  hog, 
and  is  generally  called  leaf  lard.  The  butter  is  made 
from  separator  cream,  which  always  commands  a 
price  that  is  from  15  to  20  cents  a  gallon  higher  than 
cream  that  rises  itself.  Butter  made  from  separator 
cream  Is  always  worth  35  cents  a  pound,  or  more. 
It  would  be  hard  to  crowd  more  non¬ 
sense  into  so  brief  a  paragraph.  The 
“neutral  lard,”  as  has  been  repeatedly 
shown,  is  composed  of  all  sorts  of  hog  fat, 
rendered  neutral  (that  is,  odorless  and 
tasteless)  by  the  nitric  acid  process.  The 
idea  that  butter  made  from  separator 
cream  sells  for  more  money  than  that 
made  from  cream  raised  by  the  gravity 
process  is  also  untrue.  No  one  can  tell 
the  difference  between  the  two,  other 
things  being  equal.  It  is  selling  in  New 
York  to-day  at  17  cents  per  pound,  not 
35.  The  article  from  which  the  extract 
was  taken  was  undoubtedly  written  by 
some  disguised  friend  of  hog  butter  and 
palmed  off  as  reliable  on  our  esteemed 
contemporary. 
The  farmers  of  the  country  demand 
that  before  Congress  adjourns  it  pass  the 
following  bills,  which  it  has  under  con¬ 
sideration: 
The  Pure  Food  Bill. 
The  Anti-Option  Bill. 
The  Rural  Free  Delivery  of  Mail  Bill. 
The  Bill  to  Encourage  Silk  Culture. 
The  Anti-Gold  Mortgage  Bill. — Ameri¬ 
can  Farmer. 
There  may  be  farmers  in  the  country 
who  are  clamoring  for  the  passage  of  a 
“  bill  to  encourage  silk  culture,”  but  we 
never  saw  or  heard  of  one.  From  the 
days  of  the  Morus  multicaulis  craze,  the 
silk  business  in  this  country  has  been  a 
delusion  and  a  snare. 
Troubles  of  “  Green  Goods”  Men. — 
Lots  of  our  readers  have  received  circu¬ 
lars  from  a  band  of  frauds  in  this  city 
who  propose  to  sell  $5,000  worth  of  coun¬ 
terfeit  money  for  $500  in  good  money. 
Some  of  these  circulars  were  sent  to  us 
and  we  put  them  in  the  hands  of  the 
police.  Last  week  the  detectives  made  a 
raid  and  captured  several  of  the  gang 
with  nearly  30,000  circulars,  books,  let¬ 
ters  and  other  things  to  show  the  great 
extent  of  the  business.  As  we  have  often 
stated,  these  fellows  have  no  counterfeit 
money  at  all.  They  expect  to  get  some 
stranger  here,  get  hold  of  his  money  and 
give  him  a  package  supposed  to  contain 
the  counterfeits,  but  which  really  has 
nothing  but  slips  of  green  paper.  They 
play  a  sleight-of-hand  trick  op  their  vic¬ 
tim  and  generally  escape  the  la  w  because 
they  do  not  handle  counterfeits  while 
the  victim  is  ashamed  to  appear  against 
them  and  admit  that  he  is  dishonest. 
Sometimes  the  “green  goods”  men  run 
against  a  snag.  Last  week  a  big  fight 
occurred  on  a  street  in  this  city.  The 
police  found  three  men  pitching  into  one. 
The  one  was  giving  a  good  account  of 
himself,  but  the  police  arrested  him  and 
got  his  story.  He  said  he  came  here  a 
year  ago  and  was  cheated  by  the  “  green 
goods”  men,  so  he  made  up  his  mind  he 
would  get  square.  He  with  a  friend  came 
back  and  again  opened  business  with  the 
“green  goods”  men.  When  these  rogues 
showed  their  piles  of  good  money  the 
strangers  grabbed  a  package  of  it  and 
made  for  the  door.  The  “green  goods” 
men  chased  them  and  that  was  what  the 
fight  was  all  about.  The  men  got  off 
with  their  captured  money  !  What  a 
business  ! 
Adulterated  Honey. — In  the  last  issue 
of  the  series  of  pamphlets  from  the  Agri¬ 
cultural  Department  on  Foods  and  Food 
Adulterants,  Prof.  Wiley  quotes  this  let¬ 
ter  from  C.  O.  Perrine  : 
During  the  year  18G5  I  received  the  idea  from  a 
friend  that  the  common  dark  honey  then  on  the 
market  could  be  much  Improved  by  the  addition  of 
a  large  per  cent  (sometimes  75  per  cent)  of  good  white 
sugar.  I  took  the  Idea  up,  and  after  making  some 
experiments  I  worked  up  quite  a  large  trade  among 
families  by  selling  from  house  to  house;  in  fact  I 
bought  all  the  cheap  honey  I  could  find  in  the  neigh¬ 
borhood  (Cincinnati,  Ohio),  and  finally  I  had  to  send 
East  and  South  for  supplies  of  honey.  Where  one 
pound  was  used  before  I  commenced,  I  afterwards 
sold  100  pounds,  as  it  was  much  more  palatable. 
This  peddling  business  was  done  in  wagons,  two  men 
to  each  wagon;  each  man  selling  50  to  100  pounds  per 
day,  90  per  cent  of  which  was  the  mixed  article  gen¬ 
erally.  I  have  met  hundreds  of  persons  who  could 
eat  the  sugared  article,  but  to  whom  pure  honey  was 
almost  a  rank  poison.  I  suppose  it  Is  like  strong 
black  coffee,  compared  with  a  milder  decoction,  with 
plenty  of  cream  and  sugar.  About  the  year  1870  I 
tried  some  French  aud  German  glucose,  using  It  as  a 
part  substitute  for  sugar,  and  when  good  glucose  was 
made  In  this  country  I  became  patriotic  and  used 
only  goods  of  home  manufacture.  There  were  two 
objects  In  view  In  the  mixing  business;  one  was 
cheapness,  the  other  was  the  production  of  a  more 
popular  grade  of  goods;  for  it  was  a  fact  that  if  I 
made  the  mixture  too  strong  of  honey  objection  was 
made. 
Selling  Dishonest  Water.  —  Enor¬ 
mous  prices  are  often  secured  for  water 
when  sold  in  the  form  of  fruits  or  flowers, 
but  their  price  is  small  beside  the  figures 
obtained  for  the  water  in’  perfumery. 
Water  is  also  a  great  thing  to  cheat 
with.  A  street  fakir  recently  wheeled 
his  cart  right  in  the  way  of  hundreds  of 
shop  girls  just  on  their  way  home. 
The  cart  was  generously  piled  up  with 
small,  gorgeously  labeled  bottles  of 
scent.  A  most  pronounced  perfume,  that 
seemed  to  come  from  the  bottles,  filled 
the  air  and  called  attention  to  his  stock 
in  trade.  There  are  few  things  more 
attractive  to  working  girls  than  perfume, 
providing  it  is  strong  enough  to  make  its 
presence  known  at  a  distance,  and  the 
fakir’s  stock  soon  grew  small  by  degrees 
and  beautifully  less.  But  there  must 
have  been  weeping  in  many  a  house  that 
night  when  the  fair  purchasers  uncorked 
their  treasures  and  found  that  the  per¬ 
fume,  which  they  supposed  was  strong 
enough  to  be  smelled  even  in  Hunter’s 
Point,  was  nothing  more  than  water. 
The  reason  they  were  swindled  was  be¬ 
cause  they  had  not  watched  the  fakir  as 
he  began  operations.  As  soon  as  he  drew 
up  alongside  the  curbstone  he  produced 
a  large  atomizer  full  of  forty-horse¬ 
power  musk  and  carefully  sprayed  the 
excelsior  which  lined  the  bottom  of  the 
cart. 
An  Expensive  Patch.  —  One  great 
feature  of  political  campaigns  in  these 
days  is  the  cartoon.  All  leading  candi¬ 
dates  have  some  peculiar  characteristic 
which  the  comic  artist  is  sure  to  make 
much  of.  The  fat  man,  the  lean  man, 
the  bald-headed  man,  the  man  with 
the  big  nose  ;  all  have  their  sore  spots 
well  rubbed  before  the  campaign  is  over. 
It  was  the  same  in  old  times  though  the 
pictures  then  were  far  inferior  to  those 
of  to-day.  In  reprinting  one  of  the  old- 
time  pictures,  the  Centurj'  gives  a  sample 
of  the  wit  of  those  days : 
Marcy  (Governor  of  New  York)  the 
author  of  the  phrase  “  To  the  victors 
belong  the  spoils,”  appears  in  this  with 
a  patch  on  his  trousers  marked  “  50 
cents,”  which  was  an  invariable  feature 
of  any  caricature  of  him.  It  was  based 
on  a  report  that  he  had,  while  Governor 
of  New  York,  included  in  a  bill  against 
the  State,  for  traveling  expenses,  a 
charge  “  to  patching  trousers — 50  cents,” 
his  reason  being  that  as  he  had  torn  the 
trousers  while  on  business  for  the  State, 
it  was  the  State’s  duty  to  repair  the 
damage.  Marcy  appears  in  the  carica¬ 
ture  of  the  Pierce  campaign  of  1852,  with 
his  hand  covering  the  patch,  he  having 
obviously  become  weary  of  allusions  to 
it  by  this  time. 
Few  Remedies  after  sixty  years’  trial  and  constant 
use,  retain  their  position  as  the  best;  yet,  such  is  the 
case  with  Dr.  D.  Jayne's  Tonic  Vermifuge.  Whether 
as  a  tonic  or  strengthener  In  dyspepsia  in  adults,  or 
the  indigestion  and  derangements  of  the  stomach  In 
children,  it  is  simply  invaluable;  and  as  a  Worm 
remedy,  it  is  one  of  the  most  safe  and  best.  Sold  by 
all  Druggists.— A dv. 
LINSEED  OIL  MEAL 
WE  THINK, 
And  upon  the  best  evidence,  that 
IN  THE  SPRING 
Our  Meal  should  be  fed  to 
Cattle,  Horses,  and  other  Domestic  Animals, 
quite  as  much  as  in  midwinter 
Please  write  us  for  quotations  and  other  particulars 
DETROIT  LINSEED  OIL  WORKS, 
DETROIT.  MICHIGAM. 
Just  Driie  ’Em  In  and  CLIICH  ’Em. 
THEY’LL  DO  THE  REST. 
Rapid  HARNESS  RENDERS. 
WILL  MEND 
Any  Harness,  Halter  or  Strap  In  less  time, 
rad  do  the  work  better  than  any  Harness 
maker  can,  AND 
C05TS  ONLY  HALF  A  CENT 
Sold  by  Grocers  and  Hardware  Dealers.  Cost 
only  25c  per  box  of  one  gross  (three  sixes.) 
I  NO  TOOL5  I  fjSl 
I  REQUIRED  I  II  f|  || 
BUFFALO  SPECIALTY  MF8.  CO., 
BUFFALO,  N.  X. 
STAR  MILK 
AND 
CREAM  COOLER 
Made  of  Brass  and  Copper, 
without  end-plates.  Free  and 
open  corrugations.  No  cor¬ 
ners  to  clean.  Cools  within 
two  degrees  of  water  used. 
Best  Cooler  on  the  market. 
Send  for  circular. 
EVANS  A-  I/EUL1NGS, 
H  ADDON  FIELD,  N.  J. 
MILK  consumers  appreciate  m ilk  purified 
OK  ALL  ODORS  OK  ANIMAL,  STABLE  OR  KEEP; 
ODORS  OK  TURNIPS,  CAB  B  A  G  E  .  ENSILAGE^ 
MUSTARD,  HAG  WEED,  COTTON  SEED,  BREWERS' 
GRAINS,  APPLE  POMACE,  ETC.,  ETC.,  ACCOMPLISHED 
BY  USE  OK 
HILL’S  MILK  AERATOR. 
PROGRESSIVE  DAIRYMEN  ARE  RAPIDLY  ADOPTING 
THIS  STANDARD  MACHINE.  CATALOGUE  FREE  TO 
DAIRYMEN.  ADDRESS 
E.  L.  HILL,  WEST  UPTON,  MASS. 
TWO  SPLENDID  ARTICLES 
FOR  THE  DAIRY. 
Unsurpassed  in  the  Universe. 
The  Common  Sense 
Milk  Jar 
Discards  the  use  of  glass  or 
metal  tops,  wire  bails  or  other 
fasteners,  which  render  the 
ordinary  jar  so  difficult  to  keep 
clean  and  so  expensive  to  keep 
In  order.  The  covers  are  never 
used  but  once  and  the  time 
saved  in  washing  will  pay  their 
cost.  Customers  will  return  the 
Dottles,  for  without  new  covers 
they  are  not  available  for  do¬ 
mestic  use. 
Thatcher’s  Orange  Butter  Color 
Imitates  to  perfection  the  natural  tint  of  butter  In 
the  best  grass  season.  It  is  pure,  sweet  and  whole¬ 
some,  rich  in  strength,  never  fades.  Will  keep  In  any 
climate,  never  turns  rancid.  Is  always  uniform  in 
strength  and  color.  Send  to  CorniBh,  Curtis  &  Greene, 
Fort  Atkinson,  Wls.;  Boston  Dairy  Supply  Co.,  Bos¬ 
ton,  Mass.;  G.  G.  Wtckson  &  Co.,  San  Francisco,  Cal.; 
Cornish,  Curtis  &  Green  Co..  Saint  Paul,  Minn.,  for 
circulars  and  price  lists,  or  Thatcher  Manufacturing 
Co.,  Potsdam.  N.  Y. 
write  CRYSTAL  CREAM¬ 
ERY  CO.,  LANSING,  MICH., 
for  Catalogues  of 
CREAMERIES,  Etc. 
1W Ilk  Ouns,  Never 
Water  Tanks  of  steel 
everlasting.  Cream 
Ice  or  with  Ice.  We 
want  agents  everywhere. 
Big  cut  in  prices. 
AYS’  Creamery 
H 
I  and  REFRIGERATOR  sells  rapidly  because 
■  ■  it  is  best.  All  Dairymen  praise  it.  Agents  wanted. 
AMERICAN  MFC.  CO.,  Waynesboro,  Pa. 
DIITTm  Parchment  lined  palls  for  from  3  to  10 
Kll  I  I  rH  lt)S-  Send  for  terms.  Detroit  Paper 
UU  I  I  kill  Package  Co.,  Detroit,  Mich. 
4TTV  Pianos  1175,  Organs  149.  Want  Af’tfl,  Cat ’If 
•  III  FBKH.  Dan’lF.  Beatty,  Wasb’n,  N.  J. 
