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VOL. L. NO. 2i49 
NEW YORK, APRIL 4, i89i 
PRICE, FIVE CENTS, 
$ 2.00 PER YEAR 
A“NOVELTY”CAUCUS 
But fifty cents a clay will mean. 
If kept up all the year, 
One hundred eighty dollars odd. 
That fact Is straight and dear. 
Just claim it all, friends 1 Claim It all 
The bigger tale you print 
And place before the public eye 
The more they take the hint.” 
Then up stood New Potato; he 
Knew all the ins and outs, 
His crop of new and startling tales 
Grew faster than bis sprouts. 
Said he, " It gives me pleasure, friends, 
To say that people cry 
For ‘ novelties ’ as ne’er before. 
I’ll risk my finest ‘ eye,’ 
That I can write a catalogue 
With ink and color caked. 
And claim to raise a hill of 1 spuds ’ 
Already fried or baked, 
And folks will tumble o’er themselves 
In frantic haste to buy. 
The public ? Why, we’re getting fat. 
We don’t half have to try. 
Then Oliver B. Onion spoke, 
A man of portly size. 
With unctuous voice and tone that brought 
The tears to all their eyes : 
“ As years go by, I find that folks 
Demand a bigger yarn, 
I’d fail unless I’d print myself 
Full bigger than a barn. 
If trade is slack with stock on hand, 
Pitch In! pitch in! and claim 
Your’s latest, earliest; both red 
And white -it’s all the same, 
Claim everything—It’s cheap to claim, 
To tin horn put your breath, 
Then how the cash comes rolling in, 
With profits sure as death.” 
Professor S. K. Cabbage next 
Rose to address the chair; 
One mighty point he had to make 
For those who would “ get there,” 
To make smart trade take some old-time 
But good variety. 
And with it mix invention keen. 
“ Pick some good name,” said he, 
“ Like Welcome, Home Sweet Home or Big 
Or Wonderful or Grand, 
And crack it up for all you’re worth 
And send it through the land, 
Then let some fellow write it up 
And praise It to the skies, 
A gold mine underneath your barn 
Were not half such a prize.” 
A. Plan of Campaign. 
A caucus of the “ novelties ” 
Was held the other day, 
And almost every catalogue 
Was quoted there, they say. 
Our smart friend, J. Whine Berry, was 
Elected to the chair, 
With almost childish eagerness 
He took his station there. 
The Honorable Buck German Hare 
Was made vice president, 
And at the secretary’s desk 
A dozen worthies bent. 
To draw up resolutions and 
A statement to prepare 
A solid joint committee was 
Appointed by the chair. 
Buck German Hare, as chairman then, 
With dignity profound, 
Read olt their ponderous report, 
He made a stirring sound : 
Whereas, Our friends, “The Public,” have 
Demanded “ novelties.” 
Whereas, It seems our duty now 
The public taste to please— 
Resolved, That Congress shall be asked 
To make a brand new law. 
Compelling folks to coin new words, 
—E’en though they break a Jaw— 
For our descriptions must be strong 
And forcible and new, 
And common language is too weak 
To paint the work we do. 
Resolved, That literary men 
Will Tnd a surer road 
To fortune, fame and favor by 
Good pulling at our load. 
For do not we make miracles ? 
And make poor Nature blush 
For shame that her poor logs cannot 
Compete with our swift rush ? 
For ne’er did tales of fairyland 
So fair a field disclose, 
For fertile minds as what we tell 
Come forth and “ paint the rose !” 
Resolved, That every publisher 
Shall rush with speed to aid 
Our noble work, and dig out space 
To “ boom ” us with a spade, 
It is his duty to accept 
A one-inch " ad.” and throw 
A page of reading notice In 
To make our trading grow. 
“ Dear friends,” said Chairman Berry, “ Ah ! 
My heart just bursts with pride 
That this distinguished caucus picks 
‘ Yours truly ’ to preside. 
We come with trumpet sounding loud, 
I greet you, great and small, 
I’m proud to think you deem me, friends. 
Well fit to lead you all. 
We are not here for pleasure-no, 
We’ve just come here to find 
If our dear friend ‘ The Public ’ is 
Still silly, deaf and blind. 
I call for observations, now, 
From worthy friends who know 
From past experiences just 
How far it’s safe to go. 
With me the knife that pays the best 
In cutting out a slice 
Of profit, is to brag about 
The almost countless price 
I paid for single specimens. 
When first I bought my stock. 
The people rush to help me out. 
And all their safes unlock.” 
Tobias Tree Tomato then 
Put In a good idea; 
To get the dollars from a man 
Just raise him from his sphere. 
To pick his vegetables and fruits 
Just make him climb a tree, 
And when he leaves the solid ground 
He’s yours -you must agree. 
Train vines and stems and roots and bulbs 
Far up Into the air. 
He’ll put on stilts and up he'll climb 
We’ll make him pay his fare. 
The tree’s the thing, the proper form 
To make the people run, 
We’ll raise strawberries on a tree 
And pull In cash like fun. 
Miss Biddy "Sparrow Catcher” then 
Beamed on the company, 
" If you’d know how to ‘ boom,’ ” shs said, 
“Just keep an eye on me. 
I beat the record—other hens 
Put in a bill for grain, 
I go and hunt for food and thus 
I make a double gain. 
I capture sparrows by the score, 
I eat them —bones and all— 
I swallow rats and mice an 1 snakes. 
Hawks, squirrels, great and small, 
And in those great, progressive States 
Wnere legislatures pay 
A bounty sure for sparrows’ heads, 
Full fifty cents a day, 
The season through. I'll earn for those 
Wbo’re sharp enough to buy 
A setting of my wondrous eggs, 
The price is good and high, 
Then Master Mammoth Melon rose : 
“ I’ve just one point to make, 
To boom ourselves in proper style 
We’ve only got to break 
The back of probability; 
That makes the public stare. 
And while their wits run out their eyi 
We bag their cash with care. 
I’m going to claim that I’m so sweet 
That sugar seems quite sour; 
I grow without manure and reach 
Perfection in an hour. 
I’m first in market, last to stay, 
I’m death on every bug 
That steps in gun shot, for my leaves 
To surest death will hug; 
I bloom and caper in the frost, 
I ripen In the snow, 
And winter’s melon choly fades 
At taste of me, I know.” 
Vice-president Buck German Hare 
With pleasure took the floor : 
If one smart set of lies get stale 
Why Just invent some more. 
They chopped my last year’s tale to rags, 
But did I lose my grip ? 
No! No! I just put up my price, 
Now see the people skip 
To pay their hard-earned dollars in, 
While common rabbits go 
A begging; talk is cheap, yet cash 
Sticks to such talk, I know.” 
The resolutions “ passed the House, 
The meeting then adjourned, 
To try to rub the verdict in 
The " novelties ” then turned. 
'AMOuy, JREEI 
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A Caucus of the ‘Novelties’ was held the other day, and almost every catalogue was quoted there, they say 
