284 
AUGUST 28 
MOORE’S RURAL NEW-YORKER: AN AGRICULTURAL AND PAULY NEWSPAPER. 
THE WEE LITTLE THING. 
BY HON. K. CHARLTON. 
Tuber’s a wee little thing in this world of ours, 
And it moveth and mOveth the livelong day, 
And tho’ the sun shines, and tho’ the storm low’rs, 
It chattereth on with its ceaseless lay; 
Over peasant and king, 
Its spell hath flung, 
That dear little thing, 
A woman's tongue 1 
There's a wee little thing in this world of ours, 
And it throbbeth and throbbeth the livelong day, 
And in palace balls and leafy bowers, 
It holdeth alike its potent sway; 
Bright joy can it bring, 
Or deep sorrow impart, 
That dear little thing, 
A woman’s heart! 
There’s a wee little thing in this world of ours, 
And it sparkleth and sparkleth the livelong day, 
No dew-drop that hangs on the morning flowers 
Is so beaming and bright as its beauteous ray; 
No skill can we bring 
That its shaft can defy, 
That dear little thing, 
A woman’s eye! 
There are many charms in this world of ours, 
That cluster and shine over life’s long day; 
The wealth of the mine and the statesman's pow’rs, 
And the laurels won in the bloody fray; 
No spell can they fling 
That any bosom can move, 
Like the witching thing, 
A woman’s love! 
JOE CHICKWEEFS COURTSHIP, 
. AND 
HOW HE WAS CUT OUT. 
BY LOUIS N. BURDICK. 
“I vow!” said Joe Chickweed, as he stood before 
the parlor mirror, putting the last touch to his well 
oiled hair, “ill let this night pass without finding 
out just how I stand with Melinda Martin, then I’m 
a cow. The critter’s always acted so pesky skit¬ 
tish there’s been no getting around her. I like 
her, and she knows it, aDd I’m inclined to think 
she likes me; but she likes more than one string 
to her bow, and I ain’t sure but she’d slip me any 
minute if she could make a better bargain. Maybe 
I’m doing her an injustice, and I hope I am; but 
she acts sometimes ’tarnally like a real coquette, 
and I don’t know what to make of her. But to¬ 
night,” he added, fitting an immensely high and 
immensely wide-brimmed hat upon his shining 
head, “to-night I’ll settle the matter—I’ll cross the 
Rubicon, if I get my boots full of water. Melinda 
ain’t got a bad speck, and I might do worse most 
anywhere else.” 
“ Do tell if its come to that!” exclaimed old Mrs. 
Chickweed, who had entered the room, unnoticed 
by her son, in time to hear his last sentence— 
“well, I’ve all along had a notion that you was 
amin’ in that ere direction.” 
Joe turned red from his eye-winkers to his 
ankles, and looked very sheepish. He worked 
very busily, too, for a few seconds, with brushing 
some imaginary dust from a place between the 
shoulders of his coat, which he couldn’t reach, but 
he said nothing. 
“There ain’t nothin’ to be ashamed of, Joe,” 
continued the loquacious old lady, apparently 
greatly pleased at making the discovery she had, 
“and you spoke the gospel truth when you said 
you might do worse elsewhere. Melinda’s a nice 
gal.” 
“Well,” said Joe, gaining some courage from 
his mother’s manner, “ I’m glad you think so, for 
I’m bound to make her my wife, if—” 
“ If what?” asked the old lady. 
“Well, if everything’s favorable.” 
“Don’t you fear anything’s agin it You just 
do your duty, Joe, and Melinda’s yourn. Remember 
the farm.” 
“ It is a fine farm, no mistake!” said the young 
man earnestly. 
“No better farm of its size in the whole country, 
than tho Widder Martin’s,” Baid Mrs. Chickweed, 
in an emphatic tone. 
“No, I think not” 
“And then see how it is stocked; two yoke of 
the best steers in all these parts, besides their two 
horses; sayin’ nothing of the rest of the critters. 
And, of course, they’ll all go with Melinda when 
the widder’s dead, and before, too, for you will go 
right onto the farm as soon as you marry, and take 
charge of everything.” 
“It’s a good opening, that’s a fact,” said Joe; 
“ but I put a higher value on Melinda than all the 
property.” 
“And well you should; though the farm and 
fixings aint to be despised.” 
“ 0, I ain’t one to despise them.” 
Joe laughed and left the room, and soon after he 
left the house, and made his way as expeditely as 
the gloom would permit, towards the residence of 
the widow Martin. A light was burning in the 
front room, but the window curtains were closely 
drawn, so that he could not get a view into the 
apartment as he passed along the yard. He 
knocked at the door, and was admitted by the 
widow in person, who, after inquiring benevolently 
after his health, ushered him into the parlor. It 
was already occupied by two persons—Melinda and 
Reuben Sparks, the latter a young man who re¬ 
cently returned to Springfield from California, and 
who was looked upon with special disfavor by the 
young farmer. 
Joe was welcomed by the young lady, not so 
cordially as formerly, and by no means so cordially 
as Joe thought his due. He was greeted by Mr. 
Sparks in a sort of joking, condescending way, 
that raised the ire inwardly. However, the con¬ 
versation that followed was apparently agreeable 
to all parties, and the evening wore away till the 
widow retired, when Mr. Sparks intimated that it 
was perhaps time for him to be returning, as it was 
quite a little walk to the village. Melinda at once 
asserted that it was very early indeed, and he 
should not think of leaving so soon; whereupon 
Mr. Sparks was induced to remain a while longer, 
and Mr. Chickweed was secretly enraged that 
Melinda should be so taken up with the company 
of a young sprig. 
California became the topic of conversation, and 
Reuben Sparks shone brilliantly in his descriptive 
accounts of the country, and what he had done 
there. 
“Then you wern’t in the diggings?” inquired 
Joe, in response to something his rival had uttered. 
“ By no means,” replied Bparks, loftily. “ I left 
digging to those that were used to it. I hadn’t 
a taste that way.” 
“ 0, then you stopped in town?” 
“ Certainly.” 
“Business, I spose, first-rate there?” 
“ Yes. A young man of talent will soon engage 
himself in profitable employment.” 
< Then I ’spect you must have done extraordi¬ 
nary well!” said Joe, in a tone he intended should 
be sarcastic. 
“0!” replied the other, laughing in a meaning 
way, and winking an eye at the young lady, who 
appeared to “take ” and eDjoy it accordingly—“as 
for that matter I can’t complain. I think I im¬ 
proved my chances,—I rather think I did. No, I 
don’t complain, by no means.” 
“ Then why didn’t you stay longer? You wem’t 
gone but a short time; you should have stayed a 
year or two more, and made yourself independent.” 
“Perhaps I am independent already; Isayper- 
haps. Of course I can’t tell you the exact amount 
I made—that, I think, is quite unnecessary.” 
“ 0, quite.” 
“And, perhaps, too, there were attractions in 
this part of the world as alluring as gold.” 
He looked knowingly at Melinda as he spoke, 
and gave her another wink, which that young 
lady seemed to relish, though she blushed and ap¬ 
peared wonderfully embarrassed for a moment.— 
Joe noticed what occurred, and didn’t at all fancy 
the course affairs seemed to be taking. He knew 
that he should feel and appear peculiarly savage, 
if he remained much longer, and so he hinted that 
it was about time for him to be going; and what 
served to enrage him more than aught else, Melin¬ 
da appeared to be of the same mind, for she offered 
no objection. So he took his hat and departed, 
with firmness in his Btep and bitterness in his 
heart,” 
“I don’t like the looks of things at all,” he mut¬ 
tered to himself, as he walked on through the dark; 
“she’s altogether too tender with that chap to be 
agreeable to me. If he has not turned her head, 
then there’s a mistake somewhere. I don’t believe 
he has brought money enough from California to 
buy a rope to hang him. He’s after the widder’s 
farm now, to make it up, I’ll bet my hat. Yes, sir, 
he means to catch Melinda, and I’ve been fool 
enough to wait till this time before coming to a 
final point. But perhaps it ain’t too late yet!” he 
added, after a few moment’s reflection; “maybe 
she’ll consent to have me yet, if I lose no time in 
asking her. I’ll try it, I vow I wilL I’ll go over 
again to-morrow, and have the thing settled.” 
And having come to this conclusion, he hurried 
forward, and soon after was dreaming of Melinda 
Martin, the widow, himself, and an infinite number 
of Reuben Sparkses, who were endeavoring to 
chase him up a steep hill, and beating his brains 
out with bars of California gold. 
Mrs. Chickweed was most anxious next morning 
to learn from her son the result of his mission to 
the widow’s, but Joe was silent and pensive, avoid¬ 
ing his mother’s eye, and keeping away from the 
house as much as possible. Late in the evening 
he carefully dressed himself in his be6t suit, and 
with a look of determination stamped upon his 
features, he once more set out to visit the fickle 
Melinda. 
He found her at home and alone. 
“ Hope you spent an agreeable evening yester¬ 
day,” remarked Joe, after he had passed the usual 
compliments, and seated himself near the young 
lady. 
“ 0, yes, I did, I assure you,” was the reply. 
“Mr. Sparks, I should say, is a very entertaining 
young man.” 
Joe didn’t think anything of the kind, but quite 
the contrary. 
“He is indeed,” responded Melinda. 
Joe looked anything but pleased at this enco¬ 
mium on his rival, and sat for some moments in 
utter silence. At length he turned to the young 
lady, and spoke: 
“ I came here last evening,” he said, “ with the 
intention of speaking to you on a particular sub¬ 
ject, but I found you so engaged that I determined 
to call again to-night, and so—so—” 
“ Here you are,” said Melinda, smiling at his 
embarrassment. 
“ Yes, here I am. And now that I am here, I’ll 
tell you what I have come for. You know I love 
you. I’ve told you as much more’n once, and I’ve 
flattered myself that I wern’t indifferent to you. 
But now I wish you to tell me if you really love me 
in return, and if I may hope to make you my wife. 
Will you marry me?” 
Joe, having anived at this important question, 
looked tenderly and appealingly into her face, 
and breathlessly awaited her reply. She colored 
slightly, and bent her eyes to the ground. 
“You are quite right,” she said, “in supposing 
that you are not indifferent to me, for I regard you 
very highly.” 
“Then all my fears have been groundless!” ut¬ 
tered Joe, exultingly. 
“ But,” continued the lady, “ I cannot very well 
grant your wish regarding—” 
“What!” cried Joe, his countenance suddenly 
changing. 
“ I cannot very well marry you!” 
“And why can’t you? I’d like to know what’s 
to hinder your marrying me, if you think enough 
of me.” 
“There is one reason in particular.” 
“ What is it?” 
“I’m engaged to another!” 
Joe turned pale. 
“Sparks!” he cried—“tell me, is itSparks?” 
“Well, and if it is—” 
“I knew it! Blast him, I knew what he was 
after!” 
“ I don’t know that Mr. Sparks has acted in any 
way a3 he should not!” remarked the young lady 
warmly. 
“ He’s a cheatin’ villain,’ ” replied Joe, indig¬ 
nantly. 
“ You don’t know; he’s nothing of the kind!” 
“ It’s you that don’t know him; but you will, be¬ 
fore long; you’ve been deceived, and I ain’t afraid to 
say so!” continued he, snatching up his hat; “ it’s 
the money he pretends to have got that’s lost me a 
wife; but when you want to touch it, just as like as 
not you won’t be able.” 
He rushed from the house as he uttered these 
words, and hurried homeward. He found his 
mother still up, and was eagerly interrogated by 
her as to the luck he had met with. He told her 
all, and little condolence was she enabled to offer 
him in return. 
For two or three days following, Joe Chickweed 
said very little, but thought much. One morning 
he met his mother with a smiling face and a sort 
of triumph in his look. The old lady was some¬ 
what surprised at the sudden change in her son’s 
manner. 
“ Why, what on airth’s the matter now, Joe?” said 
she; “hope you ain’t goin’ to go crazy.” 
“ Not by a long shot,” replied Joe; “I ain’t quite 
so big a fool as that” 
“Then what ails you?” 
“ 0, I’ve got it all arranged at last—I’ve got ’em 
now.” 
“Who? What?” 
“Why, Melinda and that vagabond Reuben 
Sparks—ha! ha!—I’ll surprise him.” 
“Well, how you goin’ to do it?* 1 
“0, it’s all right!” said Joe, laughingly — “I’ll 
fix the sneaking critter!” 
“But how— how, Joe? Can’t you speak out?— 
What’s got in the boy?” cried the old lady, dying 
with curiosity to know what was his plan. 
“ Well, now, I’ll tell you all about it,” began Joe, 
assuming a more sober tone. 
“ Well, I just wish you would.” 
“You know the widder has always favored my 
keeping company with Melinda?” 
“Well?” 
“ And I do believe she is a desp’rate down on that 
feller, Sparks, coming into her family.” 
“Yes.” 
“In that case she wouldn’t very willingly let her 
property go into his hands.” 
“ But ’cording to the will of old Mr. Martin, 
the property ain’t to go out of her hands till she is 
dead.” 
“ Just so—but Sparks would have all the benefit. 
And now I’m coming to the point—it’s just there 
I’m going to floor Reuben Sparks.” 
“Well, do let me hear!” 
« The widder Martin herself ain’t a bad looking 
woman!” Joe remarked, in a sort of a mysterious 
tone of voice, glancing up suddenly into his moth¬ 
er’s face. 
“ No—but what’s that got to do with the matter?” 
replied the old lady, impatiently. 
“ And she ain’t very old, neither,” -continued he, 
with the same air. 
« Why, she can’t be more’n forty.” 
“So I should think; and she has a good chance 
of living forty more.” 
“ Well, and what of it?” 
“Just this,” said Joe, leaning over to reach his 
mother’s ear— I'll marry the widder /” 
Mrs. Chickweed, expecting, as she was, some¬ 
thing startling, wasn’t prepared for this. She 
uttered an exclamation of unbounded surprise, 
started upward from her seat, and then sank back 
and fixed her eyes with a vacant stare upon her 
son’s face. 
“ Well,” said Joe, “ I hope you don’t see anything 
again it?” 
«No—no!” stammered his mother, recovering 
somewhat from the shock she had received; “ but 
are you really in airnest, Joe,— will you marry the 
widder?” 
“ To be sure I will, and that’s the whcle of it— 
I’m going up to see her this very day. I’ll marry 
her if she’ll have me, and be revenged on Melinda 
for cutting me as she has for that blasted Sparks. 
I’ll teach ’em what’s what” 
Joe was as good as his word. He sought the 
widow and made his proposal. She was more as¬ 
tonished than she knew how to express, but she 
was more gratified than astonished. Fresh and 
fair as she was, considering her years, she had 
never given over the idea of winning another hus¬ 
band ; but it had never entered her head that she 
could popsibly procure so young and estimable a 
prize as Joe Chickweed. 
Joe made it a special proviso in his proposal, 
that they should be married privately the day be¬ 
fore the marriage of Sparks with the widow’s 
daughter, and it should be kept a secret till that 
wedding had taken place. To this the widow 
readily agreed, although it was a hard task for her 
to restrain the enjoyment she experienced, and 
prevent the secret beiDg discovered. 
The evening before the nuptials of Sparks and 
Melinda at length arrived, and all the preparations 
for the ceremony on the ensuing day were com¬ 
pleted. When darkness had fairly set in, while 
Melinda was so occupied with the company and 
conversation of her soon-to-be husband as to be 
completely oblivious to all else, Mrs. Martin cau¬ 
tiously left the house, and meeting Joe near at 
hand, Bhe hastened with him to the residence of the 
Chickweeds. The minister, who had been duly 
admonished to secrecy, was in attendance; and in 
less than half an hour thereafter Joe was a married 
man, and the no longer widow was on her way back 
to her home—parting from Joe with a Bingle, but 
enormous kiss, with which he was content to sat¬ 
isfy himself, considering what was to follow from 
so doing on the morrow. 
The wedding passed off next day to the satisfac¬ 
tion of all parties. The affair took place in the 
morning at the residence of the bride, and at the 
hour of noon all the gxests, with the exception of 
Joe Chickweed, departed. Why he remained so 
long, it puzzled the newly married pair to surmise, 
as they had not supposed he would be present at 
all. Joe took it very easily, however, and seemed 
quite unembarrassed by the occasional banterings 
of the happy Sparks. 
“I s’pose” said Joe, addressing himself to the 
newly made husband, as they were assembled in 
the parlor together—“ I s’pose you’ll take up your 
residence in the village right away—buy you a 
nice house and live fashionably!” 
“0, no,” replied Mr. Sparks —“don’t know as I 
shalL” 
“What! well, now, I calc’late you don’t have 
any idear of settling on a farm?— you ain t used to 
that work, you know.” 
“ Don’t know but I may,” said Sparks, assuming 
a careless air and tone; “coming on hot weather, 
you know, and living in town is a bore in summer. 
Yes, think I shall try country life for a while; I 
ain’t in the best of health, and a farm life may im¬ 
prove me.” 
“Well,” responded Joe, deliberately, “can’t say 
that I’m sorry you’re going to stay with us. I 
think myself that it would be to your benefit to 
work on a farm for a while; and we’ll try to make 
it as comfortable for you as we can !” 
Mr. Sparks looked at him; then they looked at 
one another and laughed. 
“No doubt,” remarked Mr. Sparks, “you’ll 
make a very agreeable neighbor, — very agreeable 
indeed.” 
“0, we’ll be nearer than neighbers, a good sight 
— of course we will,” said Joe, glancing with a 
look of intelligence towards the former widow. 
Again Mr. and Mrs. Sparks glanced at one 
another, but this time they didn’t laugh. 
“ What do you mean?” they asked simultane¬ 
ously. 
“0, excuse me; I forgot that you didn’t know 
what transpired. The fact is, the widow, here, and 
myself, taking a mutual liking to each other, were 
married last night! We should have invited you 
to the wedding, but we knew you were so busily 
engaged”— 
“What! married?” cried Mr. Sparks, springing 
to his feet, while a look of horror overspread his 
features. His wife sat pale as a ghost, utterly una¬ 
ble to speak a word. 
“Certainly, married,” said Joe, coolly. 
“Is this so?” he inquired, turning to the late 
widow. 
“You may rely upon all he sayp,” she replied. 
“ Then I have been swindled — imposed upon— 
deceived! And you knew of this also, and led me 
on?” he continued, in a violent tone, addressing 
his wife. “ You worked to net me, while this infer¬ 
nal cheat gets all the property!” 
“No—it’s not so!” exclaimed Melinda, bursting 
into tears: “I knew nothing of it And thought 
you married me for myself, and not for money — 
you pretended to have enough of that yourself!” 
Reuben Sparks smiled a sickly and a scornful 
smile. 
“It’s even as I thought; his money’s so deep in 
the bank that he never’ll be able to dig it out,” re¬ 
marked Joe. 
“You scheming rascal!” gasped Sparks, look¬ 
ing as if it would be a pleasure to eat him entirely 
up, body and bones. 
“0, fire away! it don’t hurt any; and I’ve got a 
long lease of the farm —” 
“You scoundrel!” 
“And the horses, and the steers—” 
“0! you miserable cheat!” 
“ And the fixin’s generally—” 
“Fool!” 
“And moreover,” continued Joe, assuming a 
more sober and sterner tone, and grasping Sparks 
firmly by the collar as he spoke —“among other 
things I’ve got a word or two of advice for you.— 
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KEYSTONE CIDER MILL, 
manufactured by the 
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T HIS sterling machine has within the past year been put to severe 
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442 WHITTEMORE BROTHERS, Worcester, Mass, 
KETCHUM’S R EAPER AND MOWER. 
R. L. HOWARD’S 
Cash Premium List for 18581 
First Premium, - 
Second Premium, 
Third Premium, - 
Fourth Premium, 
Fifth Premium, - 
T. C. PETERS, DARIEN, GENESEE COUNTY, N. I. 
UMPIRE, TO AWARD PREMIUMS. 
TT . $150 oo 
- - - 100 00 
- - - 100 00 
- - 50 00 
- - 25 00 
TN order to advance the Interests of Agricnlture more effectually 
I than I can by spending money in attending public trials, which 
iften are very unsatisfactory to the public, I offer the following 
iremiums: 
1st.—ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS 
To the farmer who shall cut the greatest number of acres of grass and 
Tain, in tho shortest time, in the best manner, and with the least ex- 
>enae, with Ketchum’s Combined Machine, manufactured this year, 
luring the ensuing harvest. 
2d.—ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS 
Po the farmer who shall cut with any Ketchum Combined Machine, 
Mi less than fifty acres of grass and bfty acres of grain in like manner. 
3d.—ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS 
To the farmer who shall cut one hundred acres of grass, with any 
Btetchmn Mower, in like manner. 
4th.—FIFTY DOLLARS 
To the farmer, who shall cut fifty acres of grass, in like manner, with 
uiy Ketchum Mower. 
5th.—TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS 
To the farmer, who shall harvest twenty acres of clover seed, with any 
You married Melinda in the expectation of step¬ 
ping into a snug little property, palming yourself 
off as a man of means to accomplish your end. 
You are the real schemer, hut a part of your 
scheme has failed. Take my advice, and it will he 
well with you; use your wife as you know you 
should—go to work like a man — and strive to be 
an honest one. And, finally, don’t let me hear you 
make use of any more such expressions as you just 
now bestowed upon me, or I’ll thrash you within 
an inch ef your life! Remember,” added Joe, giv¬ 
ing him a shake, as a terrier would a rat, “you’re 
my son now, ’cording to law, and you must have a 
slight show of respect for your father!” 
her, at Buffalo, N. Y. , „„ ,_ 
Armen, competing for the above premiums shall forward atlaffida- 
or affidavits. Betting forth the facto, viz: the kind <rf lai d. crop m 
Dunt thereof per acre, the quality of work, length ef stubble, fime 
upied, giving the hours, and tire expense incurred for ‘“‘> 0 ’ * 
rs, stating each item and such other ci y 
per, together with the number of the machine and the year pur¬ 
sed, to T. C. Peters, of Darien, Geu. Co, N. Y, before foe 1 1st of 
itember next, who shall have the pnvilegerf makl n gOT haring 
ersonal examination made, or may require additional proof before 
k "-m furnish 1 blanks for affidavits to any 
rilece of publishing any of the statements and the aw ards in my 
•t circular Two premiums shall not be awarded to the same person, 
'he result of accurate trials of this kind, will enable the public to 
„ e will, niore certainty of the value ot Reaping and Mowing Ma¬ 
nes'com pared with the scythe and cradle, that, can be done at Wab 
usually conducted, for the reason that so small a quantity of either 
ss'or grain'is cut, that it is difficult for Committees to Judge 
upulous accuracy of the features and c^pscity^of toe d.jlerent ma- 
Qt5e - -- „ , . U’^shnm’n r’rvrwKmPYl HftrVfifitfiKL 
Reuben Sparks seemed to come at once to his 
senses, and after a little reflection concluded that 
the advice he had received was, upon the whole, 
the best he could act upon,— and for many a year 
thereafter Joe Chickweed looked upon him as a 
most valuable assistant 
B L A t! K HAWK, Jr., l«t., 
AY BE FOUND at tha Stable of the Subscriber, two miles 
east of Lockport, the coining season for the Improvement of 
p -4 Sire. Black Hawk; g. sire, Sherman; g. g„ Justin Morgan.— 
^by young Hamiltonian, by Bishop Hamiltonian, by Imported 
iv Ihm of Young Hamiltonian by Leonidas; g. dam by 
'ounder. BUck Hawk, Jr . 1st Is jet black, 15 hands high, 
ht 1 IKK) lbs., closely resembling his sire to style and action He 
esles an excellent temper, is a pleasant driver and goes in good 
i^IIe received the first premium at the Niagara Oo Fair in DL3 
1 six vears old-time, 2m. 65s. Also the first premium at toe N. 
tate £alr in 1857, beating Billy McCracken of (Ishkosh, Wto- 
itock are good size, weighing from 1,900 to l£@0 tfcs. In speed, 
lave a numher of young horaes, stallions, mares and geldings of 
„„i„ „ n reasonable terms Persons in pursuit of choice 
Tns lady who made a dash has since brought 
her husband to a full stop! 
- » ■+ ■ ■«-■ 
“I would do anything to gratify yon; I would 
go to the end of the world to please yon,” said a 
fervent lover to the object of his affections. “ ell, 
sir, go there and slay, and I shall be pleased. 
The Best Acid. —Martin Burney, whilst earnest¬ 
ly explaining the three kinds of acid, was stopped 
by Lamb’s saying, “ The best of all kinds of acid, 
however, as you know, Martin, is uity, assid-uity,’ 
An Irish Advertisement. —Lost, on Saturday 
last, but the loser does not know where—an empty 
sack, with a cheese in it. On the sack the letters 
“P. G.” are marked, but so completely worn out as 
not to be legible. 
A Dutch Bigamist. — A Dutchman’s defense 
upon an indictment for bigamy, as stated in the fol¬ 
lowing, has at least the merit of being ingenious: 
« You say,” says the judge, “ that the squire who 
married you to the first wife authorized you to take 
sixteen! What do you mean by that?” 
“Well,” says Hans, “he told me that I should 
have four petter, four vorser, four richer, four 
boorer—ant in my country four dimes four always 
makes sixteen .” 
Logic. — A writer in the Westminster Review 
once took the position that alcohol is food, and of¬ 
fered the following logic in proof of it: 
“ Food is force, 
Alcohol is force, 
Therefore alcohol is food.” 
Dr. Mussey gives a formula equally legitimate 
and conclusive; namely: 
“ Horse feed is force, 
Whipping a horse is force, 
Therefore whipping a horse is horse feed.” 
Good logic tolerably; equal to: 
“ A horse has legs, 
So has a man, 
Therefore a man is a horse.” 
LYON’S 
ilOi’PKIt LIGHTNING CONDUCTOR. 
Fi!! 5 tsB July 11 , 1862. 
335 SUBSCRIBERS, successors to Brittain 4 Edmukda are 
Proprietors of this Patent for the ten Western counties of Ne w 
r, toe States of Michigan, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, Iowa, Ken- 
y, Tennessee, and Minnesota Territory. 
ley are manufacturers of these celebrated Conductors, and are 
ared to famish them with toe appropriate apparatus, to all parties 
Ing the right to territory, to any quantity, and on short notice. 
rods are put up in cab^h convenient for transportation, v/lth the 
implement of fixtures inclosed Each case contains twenty-five 
jnctors; each Conductor comprises forty feet of copper, one 
jo-plated or gilded branch point, seven Insulators, and fastenings, 
ley are furnished to agents by the case; with the exclusive right 
spose of them to be used hi certain described territory, on vary 
mtageons terms 
ppUcations for Agency, orders for stock or modete, and all commo¬ 
tions relating to this business will receive immediate attendon, if 
eased to BRITTAIN A MARSH, 
4 tf Lockport, Niagara Oo,». Y. 
3F* Circulars sent on application 
FOR SALE- 
FARM OF ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY ACRES 
delightfully situated one and a half miles from Seneca Lake, 
manding a view of the same equal to anything on the North river, 
t quality of soil and well improved, with thirty acres ef timber, 
farm Is twelve miles from Geneva and four from Penn Yan with 
y communication with both places For convenience of location, 
ity of situation and every advantage to be desired to a country 
lence, it cannot be surpassed The subscriber being about to 
jge his residence, will sell seventy, one hundred, or one hundred 
seventy acres, being the entire farm, to suit the purchaser For 
ler particulars, Inquire of D. D. T. Meo re, F-sq, of toe Kura) 
r -Yorker ; K. H. Hurd, Eeq, Geneva, or of the subscriber on tbs 
aises. [419] JOHN O NICHOLAS. 
MOORE’S RURAL NEW-YORKER, 
THE LEADING WEEKLY 
Agricultural, Literary and Family Newspaper, 
IS PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY BY 
D. D. T. MOORE, ROCHESTER, N. Y. 
Office, Union Buildings, Opposite the Court House, 
TERMS, IN ADVANCE : 
Two Dollars A Year—$1 for six months To Clubs and Agents 
as follows :— Three Copies one year, for $5 ; Six Copies (and one to 
Agent or getter up of Club,) for $10; Ten Copies (and one to Agent,) 
for $15, and any additional number at the same rate, (SI, 50 per copy.) 
As we are obliged to pre-pay the American postage on papers sent to 
the British Provinces, our Canadian agents and friends must add Ufi 
cents per copy to the club rates for the Rural. The lowest price of 
copies sent to Europe, Ac, is $2 50,— including postage. 
Advertising — Brief and appropriate advertisements will be 
inserted at twenty-five cents a line, each insertion, payable to a 
vance Our rule is to give no advertisement, unless very brief, more 
than four consecutive insertions. Patent Medicines, Ac, are ,iot 
advertised in the Rural on any conditions. 
